To Be a Friend

Two weeks later.



I remember my first time very well. I was extremely anxious about the whole thing. I was scared of bleeding, I was fearful that I wasn't doing it right, I was frightened of if I wasn't doing it right that he'd leave me. The only thing I should've feared was the pain. The pain of something that big going into such a small entrance. I should've feared that the most. It's kinda like how in a cop show when they can't unlock the door so they have to smash the door through with those big heavy pole things.

It's not like how you read in books and see in the movies. It fucking hurts, there is no pleasure in the first time. Well for a girl at least. The worst part is that I was fearing everything which was making me uncomfortable. When a woman becomes uncomfortable her body closes up. The important thing is that if you're going to lose your virginity, you do it with someone who cares about your well being, they don't necessarily have to love you, but at least care about you.

I remember as soon as he started to thrust slowly into me, Ronnie would ask if I was okay and if he should stop. Of course I was going through a lot of pain at the moment and he could see that. He could see that I had my eyes shut and my face grunging up and the fact that I was squeezing his hand like a woman during childbirth. But I'd just tell him to keep going, well because of the books and movies saying that the pain turns to pleasure.

Books are fucking wrong, it hurt so much but I just said keep going. Eventually he could tell I was lying through my teeth and stopped. He then stopped caring about what his body was saying and focus on me. He held me tight in his arms and whispered soothing words in my ears. That day he said the eight letters, three words, one meaning. And I said it back.


But my first time with Ronnie was my very first time. My first time with Andy will not be. I ask him about doing the deed and he seems to put it off and change the subject. Am I not fuckable? No I am, Ashley tells me I am non stop. So maybe Andy just isn't ready for me, maybe he still has feelings for Juliet, I don't even know.

I still haven't returned home, I've been crashing at Hayley's for the last two weeks, but staying the weekends at Andy's, usually making out and dry humping. I've been following the theories, not bothering to read the rest of the book though. I've stopped meeting Kellin in the morning, I've stopped hanging out with my friends during lunch, I spend most of my hours with Andy and then with Hayley.

I get a text from Kellin.


Kellin: Meet with me today.

Alexis: Why?

Kellin: Because I haven't seen my best friend in weeks and I'd like to know that you're still alive.

Alexis: What are you talking about? You see me in Drama.

Kellin: Yeah I see you with Christian. Just meet me behind the bowling alley, ok?

Alexis: Okay Kellibear.


He's mad, I get it. I haven't had a proper conversation with him in two weeks. I went to the Bronze on the Friday, but I brought Andy and his friends with me. I've been a pretty crappy friend to Kellin, I need to make things right between us.

And here I stand behind the bowling alley and he is nowhere in sight. I text him a simple "Where are you?" And when I look up from my phone, there he stands. I put my phone away and give him a long, tight hug. He hugs me back and kisses my cheek.

"Hey I'm sorry for being a shitty friend for the last two weeks, today I focus on you." I say bring a huge smile to his face.

"I cannot explain how much I've missed you. So many things have happened to the gang in the last two weeks." He expresses.

"Well tell me everything."

"Lisa broke up with Alex-"

"Again?" I ask.

"Yes, but now they're officially over, he's found someone else." He says.

"Who?"

"He's dating Jack!"

"What?!"

"They're actually dating." He says.

"Finally! Jalex fuck yeah! I shipped them since the day they joined our little group!"

"I know, I know. So how's Hayley?" He asks.

"You say you're over her, but then-"

"I might be over her, but that doesn't mean I don't care about her." He cuts me off.

"She still really likes you, but she's slowly moving on. She's been really focused on her music lately so when we talk it's mostly about her lyrics." I say.

"Interesting, how's Andrew?"

"Andy's fine I guess."

"Are you two like official now?"

"Well no actually, I guess we're just having fun. Why?" I ask.

"I need a date for tomorrow, my cousin's getting married. I'm sorry this is kinda last minute."

"You want me to be your date Kellibear?" I ask, teasing him.

"Yes, I'd be honoured if you'd be my date Lexipooh."

"Okay then yes, but I need something to wear."

"I've got eighty bucks on me now, I'll buy you a dress."

"Kellin I couldn't except."

"Well too bad, now come on."


Kellin drives us to a second hand shop around the corner and as soon as we enter, he sits down in a chair and puts on one of the top hats.

"Number one rule, don't look too fucking emo. I know you love black, but remember this is a wedding, we want colours, okay?" He asks and I just go looking for a nice dress.

I find a beautiful yellow cocktail dress in the back corner. I grab it immediately and try it on in the dressing room. I walk out to Kellin and his jaw drops as soon as he sees me.

"Is the colour too bright? Do I look like a walking banana or something?" I ask, nervous about my current appearance.

"You look stunning. How much does it cost?" He asks getting to his feet.

"Um twenty five bucks."

"Perfect, now we can spend the rest of the money on a lovely lunch."

"Really Kellin you don't have to spend your money on me."

"Alexis, I will gladly spend every cent on you."

"Aww Kellibear." I hug him tightly.

"Lexipooh, I wuv you."

"Wuv you too Kellibear."

"Sweetie darling, where do you want to go for lunch?"

"Darling sweetie any fabulous fast food restaurant should do."

"Great choice Eddie."

"Thanks Patsy." We both laugh and go get burgers.

Notes

First off, the first few paragraphs were the fucking truth I swear to God. It hurts to lose your virginity, okay? Okay. I wasn't gonna lace bullshit over it because I lost my virginity and I now know the pain.

Secondly, JALEX IS REAL!!! Well at least in this story.

Thirdly, the "Sweetie darling" "Eddie" "Patsy" thing was a reference to a British comedy from the nineties called "Absolutely Fabulous". If you don't know what it is then you might wanna check it out, it's pretty good.


Shout outs:

DeathIsBeauty
anathema


love ya<3