The story of a lonesome ol'Jerome

I looked mournfully at my pack of American Spirits. There were 6 left. I shook them as I eyed them, like that might make them multiply, before placing my lighter in the pack. After they were gone, I was going to be really cranky, especially being around Andy. I guiltily wondered if maybe he would sell me singles every few days. I was planning on giving him the Marbs I’d gotten at the 7-11 last night, I’d only gotten them because they reminded me of him in the first place. I hated Marbs, but I was willing to bet they’d be looking pretty good in about 24 hours.

“You ok?” Andy leaned forward in the dark. Silly though it may sound, the contrast of his pointy boots on his slender legs and my clunky combat boots on my chunky legs made me smile. If he had gazelle legs, maybe I had rhino legs? Although I was pretty tall for a chick too (5’ 10”) - what’s tall and chunky? Cape Buffalo?

“I’m just getting some moping done in advance. When this pack is done, I need to quit. I’m going to be a total fucking delight to be around. Which, uh, sucks, because I’m already totally shit at dealing with virtually any social situation, much less like the particularly odd kind of vacation I’m about to take, dude.” I laughed, Andy made a joking apologetic face and shrugged. Shit timing, but I couldn’t draw it out, it needed to happen. “So, I have two packs of Marlboro Golds I bought because they reminded me of you. Do you want ‘em?”

He looked understandably a little suspicious or hesitant. “Sure, if you don’t want them.” I nodded and checked to make sure it wasn’t too late to call Jennifer. Nope, just before 9 pm, sweet! I gave her a ring.

J: “Hello?”

G: “Ahoy dude! Any chance you’ll be around for the next two weeks?”

J: “You know I never do anything, so yeah.You need me to watch your geckos?”

G: “Would you? Do you still have a key?”

J: “Yeah. I have a mail key too, do you want me to check your mail?” Awesome, now I didn’t need to worry about having my mail held!

G: “Dude, you’re the shit! Can I pay you when I get back?”

J: “‘Course. Where are you going?”

G: “Ummm…” I didn’t really know what sort of music Jennifer liked. And even if she was a BVB fan, this was going to sound weird. But fuck it, she was pretty awesome. “I met a cool dude, who, er, is in a band that is currently touring… and so I’m gonna take off and follow them around for two weeks so we can, you know, um, get to know each other, ah, better.” Yeah, I’m SUPA-smooth. I’m seriously going to have to work on explaining this to people. Andy gave me a mocking, dorky look and two thumbs up, I stuck my tongue out at him.

J: “Gwyn, I have always known you were at least somewhat insane. Somehow, I assume this is not a totally shitty band, that you’re not a groupie-“ Andy was laughing, I guess he could hear her loud and clear.

G: “-No! Dude, no, fuck no! I mean, it’s by, er, strange coincidence that I happened to interact and get along with someone in a band of which I am a fan, yes, but I’m not a fucking groupie, for fuck’s sake, I’m just easy if I like someone!” More laughter from the one-man peanut gallery. Andy mimed ‘me too’ at me, and I stifled my laugh so I wouldn’t confuse Jen.

J: “So, is it Marilyn Manson?” I made a horrified face, which set Andy off on raucous laughter that Jennifer must’ve heard.

[Andy: “Oh! Shit! My side, it hurts!”]

G: “No!” Oh man, I can’t even…

J: “Gwyn- for our mutual love of Sherlock and cephalopods, my curiosity must be sated.” Well, fuck, she invoked Benedict and octopi! And it’s not a secret, per se, just kind of odd. I gave Andy a feisty look before starting.

G: “Nay, Jenn, tis’ no shitty band. Tis’ none other than the Black Veil Brides.” I paused to see if she was a big fan or had no idea who they were. The result was in between. And knowing her, she either was googling them right now or would be very soon. She knew all kinds of shit.


J: “Sounds familiar- rock music?” I grunted affirmative. “Look kind of like girls?” I laughed so hard I was a little worried I might pee. I glanced over at Andy, he was pretending not to pay attention.

G: “Some people have said that about them in the past. Hold on a sec.” I covered my phone. “Andy, can I take your picture and send it to Jennifer?” I thought she’d get a kick out of seeing exactly how ‘girly’ Andy was.

He smiled at me, up went that left eyebrow. “Should I try and look extra manly?”

I shook my head. “No, look however you want. Just like yourself. I just don’t think you look like a girl, I think she’d get a kick out of it, if it’s cool with you?” He nodded and assumed a bizarrely composed rockstar pose. I took a picture, and then just shook my head at him. That kind of facial structure and control was crazy- he must practice? I showed him, he smiled and I sent the picture to Jennifer.

G: “Ok, incoming photo, hot off the press, of Andy. You tell me if you think he looks like a girl.” I knew he was so bizarrely good-looking I was now afraid that, by capturing an original photo on my phone, I had defied the laws of physics, and my iphone would now malfunction. I sure fucking hoped not, I had a lot of shit on there. Alternatively, I might just drop dead. In which case, at least I had just scheduled a pet-sitter.


J: After only a few seconds pause, “If I didn’t recognize your balcony I might suspect you were full of crap. Well, and I can hear you guys when you laugh really loud, when I’m in the kitchen. Um, yeah, obviously not female. How did you run into that?”
G: “I don’t remember the whole thing. I got in a fight at their concert-“

Andy shouted, gleefully and ever so helpfully, “-she was protecting our honor, and punched this huge dude in the balls, and was going to crush his skull! So I dragged her away from him, sparing his douchebag life, and seduced her!” He flashed a triumphant grin, I snorted.

J: Jennifer was not really one for hysterical laughter. But she was clearly suppressing some right now. “Uh, well, stay safe, and have a good trip, haha, yes, hmm!”

G: “Yeah dude, thanks so much. You’re the shit, I’ll see you when I get back. Later, dude.”

J:“Bye.”

I lit a cigarette and a thought occurred to me. “Hey, Andy?” He smiled at me and gave a little grunt to show that I had his attention. “I just wanted to apologize. I realized that you are able to, um, give a voice to, um…that you compliment me, and I don’t really, um, you know...I just want to make sure you know that I do think you’re really attractive, I’m just…I hope it’s obvious…”I felt so uncomfortable saying even that.

He had a gentle smile. “Gwyn, don’t worry about it. Frankly, yes, it’s very obvious.” Thank goodness it was dark out, I must have turned tomato red at that. “I think maybe you’re just uncomfortable because of whatever happened in the past, or because of fear. Whatever the case may be, just give it time. I don’t need or want constant praise.” He bit his lip. “Sooo…when you’re done with your cigarette can I see your geckos?”

“Yeah, totally.” Hmmm… I fucking hope to shit I had left the sheet up. Andy was the last person I wanted knowing about the second hobby I kept in that room.

Notes

QOTD: What are your hobbies?
All veterinary-related stuff aside (there’s a lot of it, it’s most of what I do, all the time), I’m really into reptiles, especially leopard geckos, I like to write fan fiction (really? You don’t say?), and there are a bunch of things I like, like different kinds of movies (horror/fantasy/scifi especially. Don’t like romance/chick flicks), comic books (more adult-oriented graphic novels e.g., sandman, kabuki), I am a collector of many things (skulls/skeletons, action figures that are exceptionally awesome, earrings in my size that are super awesome, living dead dolls), and of course I love to read (gaiman, barker, prachett RIP, king, etc.).I used to make sculpture/drawing/paintings and would show, but the compulsion went away with medication. I can still force creativity, but now it’s like an atrophied muscle, and I don’t have time anyway, so maybe someday.