The story of a lonesome ol'Jerome
Jon
*Andy’s POV*
I took a seat on the couch and took a deep breath. I was not sure how this was going to go. Well, fuck it. I dialed Jon.
J: “Andy.” He sounded, um, like he had a few things he just might be holding back.
A: “Uh, hey Jon. So did Blasko-“
J: “Andy, have you checked any of your texts or voicemails recently?” Oh fuck, he was pissed. I hadn’t really looked closely.
A: “No, dude, I’ve only been gone a few hours, really. Why?” He sighed.
J: “Andy, we know you’re with the ball-punching chick. We also know her name is Gwyn Hageman, and where she works, and so does everybody else. The Facebook page for her veterinary clinic is flooded with comments from your fangirls, Andy! I thought you might want to know so you could tell her.”
A: “Fuck! Who posted that shit about her?” Motherfucker!
J: “Who knows, does it matter? Anyways, you’re welcome, Jake already said he would move your stuff tomorrow morning from the hotel to the bus if you’re not around, you lazy bum. Kindly grace us with your presence in Tacoma by noon at the absolute latest.” He was sounding irritated and clearly about to hang up.
A: “Jon, wait, I need to tell you something-“
J: “I fucking knew it! I just fucking knew it, Biersack!” God, he can be such a drama queen, sometimes! And how did he always know what I was going to say?!?
A: “It’s not a big deal…”
J: “Andy, you just took a huge shit on the proverbial fan of Twitter webspace by telling the world you aren’t monogamous. Do you really want to shove that in peoples’ faces by carting around some girl you just met? You’ve already plastered her all over the internet!” I didn’t mean to, but I lost my temper. It happens sometimes.
A: “I don’t give a fuck what other people think! Fuck the world! This is between me and Juliet and Gwyn! This is fucking personal! I’m not ‘plastering’ Gwyn anywhere, I was trying to share a cute moment with fans, and fuck anyone that doesn’t motherfucking understand that!” I paused for breath and Jon tried to interrupt, but I wasn’t having it.
J: “Andy-“
A: “No, Jon!I have invited Gwyn, as my guest, to come with me for 2 weeks. She has accepted. Is that a problem?” I wasn’t really thinking very clearly, I was just pissed off at the world. I wasn’t really mad at Jon. He was just trying to look out for me and for BVB.
J: “No, you dickhead, of course not! But I need more information, and I need you to calm the fuck down and help me out here. Ok?”
A:“Um, ok. Like what?”
J: “Like is she disabled?”
A: “What? Like, she can walk fine. She’s got arthritis in her knees. Who cares? ”What the fuck Jon?
J: “Does she have any medical conditions, allergies, or special food needs?”
A: “Uh, yes?Can I, uh, text you them in a minute? But, um,” and I inwardly groaned, but said it dutifully, “she’s a goddamned vegetarian.”
J: “Oh, man, I’m sorry dude.” His voice was full of true pity.
A:“Yeah. I know. What the fuck else, Jon?” Fucking vegetarianism- who invented that shit anyways? At least she wasn’t vegan…
J: “Don’t get weird about this, I need to know what to say when the wolves start to circle- are you guys ‘dating,’ or ‘friends,’ or what?” Shit, we hadn’t exactly talked about it. I had an idea and just decided to go with it.
A:“Tell whoever asks that I’m trying to coax Gwyn into a relationship, but we are not officially a couple. Right now we are getting to know each other and enjoying each others’ company. I’ll let you know if it goes there.” I thought that sounded pretty good. And it was true. I was having trouble holding back. It just felt so good, being around her, I felt like a stupid teenager.
J: “And interviews?”
A:“With Gwyn? No, no way. I mean, I can ask, but I’m pretty sure she’d freak out at the idea. Jon, she has self-esteem issues. ”That sounded like disaster.
J: “Oh, great. She’ll love the reaction she gets from some of your fans-“
A: “We’ll keep her away from that! And she’s not some stupid half-wit, ok? She’s smart, and funny-“
J: “You’re making me sick, Andy. Anyways, my point is that they are going to come after her, hard.‘ What kind of girl catches the eye of Andy Biersack?’ ”I scoffed, but he kept going.“You might even want to consider beating them to the chase by picking who you want to do an interview with, together, on your own terms. Think about it.” I hadn’t thought about any of that shit at all. I couldn’t imagine that Gwyn would ever want to talk to press. But there wasn’t a chance in Hell unless we were officially together. Otherwise it would just be weird.
A: “Well, thanks Jon, but I have to get going.”
J: “Yeah, I’m sure you have much pussy to plunder.”Ummm…
A:“Actually, I, uh, have you been on the bus?”I waited for it.His reaction was going to be telling.
J: “Yes, jackass! You are now table-less, no sympathy! And you’re paying for it!”
A:“Well, a table nail went through my hand, so Gwyn is taking me to the hospital.”
J: “What?!? Andy!!!”
A: “Thanks for your help, Jon, see you in Tacoma!” I hung up.
Phew!I now had the joy of telling Gwyn that her name and place of employment was common knowledge, and that her employers were probably going to be super pissed off by whatever my rabid fangirls had done to her clinic’s website. I also needed to ask her for that list of all her medical problems.Great.Fun times.
Notes
QOTD:have you ever met any of BVB?If so, what happened?If not, if you were to meet them, what would you like to say or have happen?
Sadly, no.I wouldn’t really want to impose on their time.I really do believe that they’re real people with things they’d probably rather be doing than talking to me.if I was for some reason talking to them anyway, or at a signing, I would try to be brief.If there was something I could do that I thought would be helpful, might make their day better, or make them happy, I might try and do that, because they deserve it.I guess, more than anything, I would hope that I would not offend or irritate any of them, or take up too much of their time.
4/15/17