Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

The story of a lonesome ol'Jerome

list, tickling, and worth dying for?

I knew who Andy would call first, and I knew why. I knew I would have to decide whether I should still go with Andy if I knew in advance that he was only ever going to be emotionally available for a secondary relationship. I felt like such an asshole. I had really known that from the beginning, and I had disrespected Juliet’s boundaries. I had just met Andy, and already I was making demands and putting strain on him and someone he loved. It made me feel like shit.

I tried to concentrate on making a list of the shit I would need to do if I did end up going tomorrow:

-Take Sherpa to work to board, put in system and on schedule
-Call Jennifer: cresties petsitting- earlier
-Call Dr. Gray about scheduling switch/vacation (do 2nd)- earlier
-Call Dr. Cameron, ask if she’ll come back from maternity leave early on Monday to cover for me (do 1st)- earlier
-Fill out that ‘hold mail’ form and put it in the mailbox
-Pack?!?Ask Andy what I need!
-Take Andy to hospital for his hand

I was wondering if I had missed anything when Andy knocked on the doorframe softly. I felt a ball of fear form in the pit of my stomach, against my spine. For the first time in a while, I had a quick tic before I suppressed the rest. “Come in, silly!” I tried to be light-hearted, but it came out sounding forced. It was obvious he could tell how nervous I was. I had another quick tic and then decided to face my fate.

“Hey, dreamboat!” I gave him my best cheeseball grin and waggled my eyebrows at him. “So, what’s the verdict?”

He looked serious. “Well, Juliet’s actually fine with, um, you know, if things went that way, you and I not having to, er, relate to each other in a strictly secondary fashion. But, she made it conditional.” Oh, shit. This couldn’t be good. He looked somber. “If, you know, we wanted to avoid that label, we would have to have sex at least three times a day. Every day you’re on tour with us.” What the fuck?!? I almost started laughing, but his eyes were so concerned, his brow knit above his nose, he reached for me, holding my hand… and started tickling the shit out of me, cackling like a maniac!

“You fucking douche! Fuck! Shit-eating… fuck! Gah! No! Arrghhhh!” HATE being tickled. Poor Andy didn’t know this. “You have to stop… I’ll hurt you! Please! No! Andy!”

“Never!Make me!” He crowed victoriously, tickling me viciously.And about 5 seconds later, I clocked him in the ear. “Oww! Ok, fuck! You win, shit!”He stopped, looked mildly pissed, clamping his hand over his ear.

“Fuck, Andy, I’m so sorry, please, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to. Please, I’m really ticklish. Are you ok? Do you want some ice? I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose, I’m so sorry!”I was babbling rapidly, upset.I started to tear up a little.I really hadn’t meant to.

He was startled, and just pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back and talking to me softly. “I know, don’t worry. I’m fine. You’re just extra feisty and I need to keep that in mind, right?” I squeezed him tight. No one had made the mistake of trying to tickle me in so many years, I hadn’t even thought of warning him.

“Seriously, Andrew, let me see. Are you ok?” He chuckled and let me look at his ear. It was just a little bit red. Thank goodness I was so puny!

“’Andrew’ now, eh?You must really be worried- I should definitely milk this situation for all it’s worth.Why, yes, Dr. Hageman, it pains me terribly! Can you kiss it, make it better?” His wide smile was contagious. He had another mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

“No!Definitely not! We don’t have time for any kissing of anything, Mr. Biersack! Now could you please tell me how Juliet actually feels?” I chortled at his disappointed little huff and leaned in quickly to give him a quick little peck on his ear. He started grinning again, pleased.

“Well, she really did say that, more or less, so long as her relationship with me isn’t affected, she’s fine if, um, you know…if things went that way, you know, with you and I, that a secondary type of thing wasn’t necessary.” He squeezed my hand.“So, how does that sound to you? Can I call my tour manager and let him know I’ll have company?”He bit at his lip and rubbed my fingers in his hand.

He looked hopeful, excited, nervous, and, I could tell, was mostly sure I’d say yes.There was one more thing I wanted to air out.“Andy. Look. Um, you are likely to get a lot of hate if I come with you.And I don’t just mean from fangirl-types.”He looked confused.Oh man, I really hadn’t wanted to spell it out.“So, I weigh, last I checked, almost 180 lbs, Andy.I’m not a glamorous person, I’m not a musician, I’m a veterinarian.You must really like my personality, is all I’m saying-“

“Shut up!Look, I know you don’t love yourself. That’s fucking unspeakably shitty, Gwyn. But I agreed to let you fight your own battles. But don’t even think of trying to tell me that I can’t think you’re hot as habaneros, woman!”He grinned and sprung a kiss on me, light and quick, before going on. “Fuck everybody else. Ok?” He held my head in his hands, his eyes were practically igniting with energy. He either believed what he was saying or he was the best actor I’d ever seen.

I smiled.Fucking here goes nothing.“Ok.”He hugged me, jiggling up and down with excitement.“Yeah, you can call him.”Andy kissed me on the cheek and jogged out of the room to call Jon.

And just like that, I knew I had signed my autopsy report. I didn’t know how long from now, but it would come. The outcome was inevitable. Everyone always left, always rejected me and broke my heart. I knew going into this that I was in no shape to survive it again. It was so foolish to go with Andy, I knew it. I thought of my parents, my sister. They would be so hurt.My pets… I just hadn’t been able to stop myself and walk away. Andy made me so happy… I hoped whatever time we had together turned out to be worth dying for.

Notes

so sleepy!


QOTD: do you ever get insomnia or have any sleep disorders?

yes, and yes.

i recently had a question about the story that had to do with polyamory. i put together the following little explanation regarding polyamory and Gwyn/Andy/Juliet, I thought it might be helpful for anyone who isn't familiar with polyamory or who hasn't read the whole story:

So, polyamory is complicated in the sense that there are lots of ways that people make it work. The one common theme is that a polyamorous person has more than one significant emotional relationship. If it were just sex, it would be more like swinging.

One common pattern, and the way that Juliet had previously been comfortable with, is to have a 'primary' partner, one that has a hierarchical significance. You generally only have one primary partner. Then, other relationships may be 'secondary,' and while they still carry emotional significance, there's an understanding that the primary partner has greater prioritization.

Another common pattern for polyamorous people, and what Gwyn has previously been comfortable with, is not to label any relationship with any partner as primary/secondary/etc, and not to get legally married, as you can only do that with one partner, and that might create a feeling of imbalance.

So, to answer your question- Andy doesn't really care about labels. He is happy with Juliet and just wants her to be happy. He is interested in Gwyn but they aren't dating yet, they just met. He doesn't really know what kind of relationship he would want with her, he just wants them both to be happy.

Juliet only has experience with the primary/secondary kind of polyamory, so at first she was confused. Ultimately, it seems she is willing to compromise in some regards. Though she still wants to be called a primary, and doesn't want her relationship affected (understandably), it sounds like she's ok with, if they were to start dating, not having to make a relationship between Gwyn and Andy a secondary-type one.

So, to answer more directly, no polyamorous relationship is a side hoe relationship, even a secondary one. Sex on the side (swinging) could I guess qualify as more like that. But, so far, it seems like Juliet is just saying that she is ok with the potential of Andy starting to date Gwyn, and that it might develop into a relationship that's not officially 'lesser' than hers, just so long as she is still called his primary, and their relationship doesn't change. How will this actually all work out? We shall see!!!

Comments

*NOTE* The author of this story no longer has access to her account due to site malfunction.
SmuttyPariah SmuttyPariah
4/15/17

Ok, cool. I don't mind plodding plots at all, but as a frustrated English teacher, I can totally understand the grammar and structure stuff.

Merelan Merelan
1/26/17

@Merelan


oh, i'm not changing it significantly in that regard. i mean more a stylistic change to make it easier to read: breaking up paragraphs, improving grammar and tense consistency, stuff like that. i've become a much better writer and i want my stuff to reflect that. if you're nervous about the changed, you can check out the newest version on my wattpad account. my user name is anathemadvm, just plain anathema was taken. i'm still likely to further revise the very beginning a little, but nothing is plot related, i like the plot as much as i ever did. i just want it to be easier to read, that's all.

anathema anathema
1/26/17

@anathema
Actually, the beginning of LoJ fits the story perfectly, IMHO. You establish Gywn as a likeable, but clearly flawed character from the door. It's much different from most other fanfic, which want to get to the Bride(s) ASAP.

Merelan Merelan
1/26/17

@Merelan


oh my goodness! i don't think even i have read it that many times, though i could be wrong! i've certainly only read it through once in one sitting! i promise that the edited version is higher quality, but i don't dare tinker with it here until i have the whole thing ready to go. right now i've edited through chapter 50, though i might need to ahve another look at the very beginning, because it's so plodding.

anathema anathema
1/26/17