The story of a lonesome ol'Jerome

*Andy’s POV*

I went out on the balcony for a little privacy. Before I started making any arrangements, I really needed to call my Dragonfly. Everything was happening really fast with Gwyn, and if anything was ever going to happen, it had to be that way. But I needed to make sure everything was still kosher with my girl.

I also needed to talk to her about all this fucking shit about primary versus secondary, and priorities, and what the fuck all that meant. I mean, I knew what it could mean, but I wanted to know what it meant to us, to her. And how it would affect- my heart jumped in my throat- a 'relationship' with Gwyn. Fuck. Fucking labels… I lit a cigarette as her phone rang.

J: "Bun!"

A: "Jules!" I imagined her skinny little arms curling around herself in that little self-hug she does when she's getting comfortable, and I smiled. I missed her so much.

J: "You found her, baby! Are you having fun? Everything ok?" She sounded hopeful.

A: "Yeah…” I hesitated. Shit, how do I start? “Babes, I love you so much…" I was having trouble finding the words...

J: She laughed! "Ok, spit it out! What's wrong?" Damn!

A: "Am I that transparent?" I grinned, she knew me so well.

J: "Honey, it’s ok, just tell me what’s on your mind.”

A: “Well, uhm, I don’t really know, uh, how to handle having a possible, uhm, maybe, having some feelings, or maybe dating someone other than you, Jules. This is different than just sex.”

J: “I knew it! Andy, that’s great! Why are you worried, I mean, what about it is bothering you?” Here comes the hard part. Shit.

A: “Well, I guess it was stupid of me to assume that everyone I would be interested in would be ok with being a secondary, um, you know, since you are my primary.” I dove in headfirst. “But it sounds like Gwyn can’t really ever be happy as anybody’s secondary, long-term.” Juliet didn’t say anything, and I sighed. “She says she doesn’t care what you and I call each other, and that she doesn’t want to affect our relationship. She doesn’t even ever, um, plan on marrying anybody, ever. Or, eh-” I tried to be casual here, I really wasn’t ready to talk about this right now, “-if her partners get married, I think, too much. She just can’t stand the idea of being, you know, officially ‘less than’ another partner. Like, as in priority, or importance.” I didn’t like talking about this, I couldn’t stand Juliet’s silence, I felt like I was hurting her. I took a drag and kept going.
“Babe, you mean everything to me. I like Gwyn. I called because I was thinking of taking her with us for a few weeks so we could get to know each other. I wanted to make sure you were ok with that, and also I wanted to try and figure out, I mean, if there’s any point. Because I’m in love with you, from my weird-shaped toes to my messed up hair, Jules! And I want you to be happy, and if you need any other relationships to be strictly secondaries, then that’s the way it’s going to be. I just don’t think that would be fair to Gwyn, so I’ll tell her that. If I have to, I can walk away. Ok, Dragonfly?” I waited, nervous. Fuck.

J: “Andy, sorry honey, you just kind of surprised me. Though I guess I shouldn’t be. Um, yeah, no, I’m glad. I guess I can understand her perspective… Actually, I totally can. I need a minute to think about it, just a couple minutes. Can I call you back?”

A: “Of course, sweetie. I love you.” I couldn’t really tell what she was thinking. My stomach twisted.

J: “Love you too, rabbit.”

The phone went dead and I stubbed out my cigarette and lit a new one. I didn’t know if that had gone well or poorly. I didn’t know what the ideal solution was. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of me, and yet here I was. Fucking dammit. About five minutes later, Jules called me back.

A: “Dragonfly, are you ok?”

J: “Bun, if you like this girl, take her with you. If you want to be with her, be with her. It was stupid and selfish of me to want you to treat or label your relationships with others as less important than ours if that wasn’t something you wanted yourself. Relationships are kind of like apples and oranges, so it’s kind of pointless to compare anyway, they’re just different. But it would mean a lot to me if we were still primaries in some respects. Like living together, you know…” She sounded apprehensive.

A: “Jules, I don’t want to change anything about you and I, don’t be silly. I’m really happy with you. You are my primary. Gwyn doesn’t want to be a secondary, that’s true, but she doesn't want to affect anything between us. So if things, you know, go in the, eh, dating-type direction with Gwyn, we just won’t label it like that, ok? And if I somehow ever ended up interested in some other person, you and I could address that separately then, ok? Don’t worry about that now. You sure you’re ok?”

J: “Baby, I love you. But, yeah, I’m really fine. So long as you’re not moving out or something like that.” I chuckled, and she giggled with me. “You’d better get going. You’ll text me when you’re at the hospital? You haven’t forgotten?”

A: “Nope! All according to plan, sugarplum.” Mostly true- I had forgotten, but had since remembered…

J: “Love you, bunbun!”

A:“You too, sweetie!”

Holy shit! Only Juliet would find a way to make this work. My heart swelled, imagining her smiling as she said she loved me. I put a reminder in my phone to send her some flowers in a few days.

Notes

side mention: i am done with my last rotation, ever, of vet school! i have turned in my senior paper, and now i'm just waiting for my advisor to tell me what revisions she wants! i graduate on sunday! booyah!

my parents are coming this evening. man-o-man. nothing quite like having your parents come visit when you moved across the continent to try and improve your relationship. (they are awesome parents, but, um, yeah...)

QOTD: are there any dudes (cis- or trans-gendered) out there reading this? and by dudes i mean males, i guess i should specify, as i am a dude in the non-gendered sense (i am not as feminine as gwyn). ;) speak up and represent, more power to you! i would be interested to know your demographic, if you're willing to share (to be fair- i am 33/single-poly-pansexual/white/bittervet-student-soon-to-be-new-graduate)

i don't know the answer to this. all i can say is that i personally identify as cis-female, but am accepting of any and all variations. :O) i just wonder if there are any men, anywhere, ever, that read/write fan-fiction? hellloooooo? *crickets*