The story of a lonesome ol'Jerome

*Gwyn's POV*

I paid the pizza dude, same guy as usual, and brought Andy the pizza. Poor bastard was practically frantic with hunger, he was fidgeting and fussing, and leapt off the couch for the box to grab his first slice. As I munched my piece, Andy ate half the pizza, then dutifully stopped, staring longingly at the remaining 3 slices.

"Aren't you hungry? Did you not like it?” He looked a little confused. He was also still eying the box, tapping the toe of his boot just a little.

"No, it's awesome!I just can't eat a whole lot, that's all. Maybe I’ll have one more later, but if you want the other two slices, go for it.” He grinned and ate the first one really quickly, but just nibbled the second one. I think maybe they had all landed at once. He motioned me over to the couch, and I sat next to him. He grabbed my waist and made me scoot closer.

“Don’t be shy anymore,” he said in between bites, and I blushed and looked at the ground. “Oh stop!” He chuckled in his low register, and leaned over to kiss me. I felt his lips on mine, and there was a surge, like an exchange of energy, our mouths open, his tongue brushed against mine and I tasted him. Too soon, he pulled away.

I was lightly panting, heady. For a few seconds I couldn't concentrate, everything was obscured by desire. “Andy, every time you kiss me, it’s like I’ve never been kissed before, it’s incredible.” I touched his face lightly with my fingertips, and he caught my hand with his and pressed a kiss into my palm. He ran his other hand through my hair and just looked at me for a while, which made me uncomfortable. I looked away, frowning.

“Gwyn, why are uncomfortable with being looked at?” He sounded concerned, but he was still looking. He was clearly clueless. Poor guy.

“Umm… Andy, you’re very sweet. It’s very hard for me to accept that you find me attractive, because the extreme majority of people do not, and throughout my life, have not. I also have self-esteem problems. But, look, I don’t like talking about it, I mean, because it’s my battle, not yours. It’s my problem. It’s another thing that has always bothered my partners in the past, ok? Just, please, don’t try and ‘fix it,’ or ‘fix me,’ just figure out whether you can accept me the way I am, ok?” I frowned and waited.

“Ok, fine, you can sulk about yourself as much as you want. But I’m still going to look at you, cause I think you’re hot!” Then he squeezed my boob, grinning a positively satanic little grin! I laughed and he hugged me around my waist before biting my shoulder! Cheeky fucker!

He still had merriment in his eyes. “So, so far, you’ve mentioned that you are an extreme pessimist, that you have dysthymia, but that you aren’t dying, and that you have low self-esteem. What else did you want to tell me that you’re so convinced I need to be warned of about you right away?”

I thought about it. I felt like there was so much terrible shit about me that would put off anyone from wanting to be with me, there was too much to mention… I should have made an outline! Well, ok, I had a few ideas of some shit that might matter to Andy…

“Well, I have arthritis in my knees and ankle.” I watched him. He watched me.

“Uh, so?” He looked unimpressed.

“Well, it means that I can’t, you know, do some of the same things as other people, that’s all. Ummm… and I walk slower. Some people have a really hard time with it. It’s because I was born with my bones deformed.” He still looked unimpressed. “Andy, I’ve had five lower limb surgeries already. I’m just letting you know.” I was getting frustrated, I frowned.

His expression changed to concern. “No, Gwyn, it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that arthritis absolutely will not dissuade me from being with you.” The way he said ‘being with you,’ the way you talk about a partner, both made my heart flutter, and reminded me of one of the other things I needed to mention…

“Ah, fuck, right. Umm…” I hesitated. This was a scary one, I felt presumptuous mentioning it, but better to do so now instead of later. “So, uh, you know how, uhm, Juliet is your primary?” As I spoke I couldn’t look him in the eye and I was turning scarlet. I felt fear build up in my stomach, fear of losing what I felt was a genuine connection, tightening into a ball.

Andy ‘s face was perfectly neutral, casual, so was his voice, “yeah?”

I sighed. “Andy, I am telling the truth, and I really hope you believe me, when I say that I don’t want to do anything to change your relationship with Juliet in any way.” I cleared my throat, thinking about how to phrase this carefully.

“Look, I know we aren’t together, and I feel presumptuous talking about this, but you seem interested in me, so it needs to be brought up early. Remember last night, when I mentioned that some chicks aren’t into hierarchical poly relationships, and would never accept being a ‘secondary?’” He nodded, still carefully neutral, though now his pretense of being casual was dropped. He was paying very close attention.

“Well, generally speaking, I am one of those chicks. I fucking hate labels and relationship patterns that treat or designate one relationship more important, or more special, or a higher priority than another.” And to my fucking embarrassment, I felt a weird rush of emotion, and my throat closed up. Maybe it was knowing that Andy might walk out the door at any second and that I might never see him again.

I worked it out with a frown and a cough, regaining control. “Anyways, I respect that you and Juliet are already in a relationship, and she is your primary… I’m just saying, I dunno, I guess that I don’t know how happy I could ever be as anyone’s secondary anything, because I find that demeaning.” Andy’s neutral face fell into a genuinely, purely sad face. “I’m really sorry Andy. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try. I really like you. I just want to give you a heads-up because I think it’s significant.” I was embarrassed, I felt like I was letting him down.

He reached for my hands, taking them in his larger ones. “Don’t be sorry.” He paused, clearly thinking, looking at the couch, before going on. “Gwyn, being poly is new to me. The label isn’t really that important to me. But I think it means a lot to Juliet. I’ll talk to her about it later tonight.” I started to protest, but he cut me off. “-no, I think it’s fair for me to at least let her know your concerns and ask her what she thinks, right?” Eventually I nodded, not looking at him.

“But, Gwyn, along the same lines, you should know that I’m pretty sure Juliet wants to get married some day. Like, legally, by-the-courts, married.” I looked at him. Fuck, he looked worried. I couldn’t help it, I laughed a little. “What? What’s so fucking weird about getting married?”

“I’m fucking sorry, Andy, but I am not the marrying kind. If that’s your guys’ thing, that’s cool. In theory, I felt like, if I were ever close enough with a partner to want to celebrate my bond with them, I’d have a commitment ceremony. I wouldn’t get legally married unless I had a friend that was going to get deported.” He laughed.

Ok, I’d better just go for it now. “Just fucking tell me now- are you wanting a ton of kids?” I couldn’t help but make a small, sour face.

Again, he laughed. “Not especially.”

“Thank Christ’s fucking butthole! I was so worried you were a total mega-breeder! Ah fucking shit, I was afraid to ask! Ok, sweet!” I hugged him, relieved, as he chortled softly at me, kissing me on top of my head.

I leaned back, dumb, happy grin in place. “So anything else that is supposedly horrifying about you that you wish to discuss?” He raised an eyebrow and gave me, ‘the smirk.’ It was my very inability to concentrate as he looked at me like that, which gave me my next point.

“Yeah. Erm. So, I guess it’s worth pointing out that, um, there is a sort of, odd, um… Or, perhaps, that the way we met has led to me having a certain pre-existing knowledge of your public persona, whereas you know nothing about me. I’m worried what effect that might have.” I scrunched my face up in embarrassment.

Andy was, again, unimpressed. “I saw your tattoo, so what? At least it wasn’t my face.” He smiled impishly and poked me.“ And I am totally signing it!” He poked me in the hip again, chuckling, making me giggle. “All over Manson!”

“Stop it! You dork, no, really! You don’t get it, Andy, I am seriously, like, an extreme fangirl! It’s pathetic- I’ve seen dozens of interviews and videos with you, you’re my favorite search on Tumblr and Pintrest, you-“

“Do you follow me on Twitter?” He was grinning. Oh shit.

“Well, yes, but-“

“- what do you Tweet under?” He got his phone out. Hrmm…

“Andy, I’m not telling you! At least not yet-“ I turned red…

“Why?” He raised an eyebrow

“Because I have a personal picture on there, and, um, another picture could possibly be used to trace me to another account somewhere else…” I said softly. He just looked at me expectantly until I cracked. “Ok, ok!Fucking dammit!” I started to cry a little. “I have written fan fiction about you, please don’t make me show you, please, please.” I hunkered away from him and waited for the disgust.

“Really? Hey, it’s ok.” He wrapped his long arms around me and held me to him. “Babe, look, it’s ok. Seriously. I won’t ever make you do anything, but I’d love to read it, when you’re ready to share.” He bit his lip, waggling his eyebrows in a comically suggestive way. “Especially if it’s good’n smutty.” I laughed.

“Uh, yeah, they all have some. I have what I like to call the AA, Andy.” I paused, he made a questioning face. “Andy Affliction.” He snorted, which made me laugh. “No, really, when I wank, I’m thinking about you, like, at least 40% of the time.” That got his attention.

“Oh yeah? What else do you think about?” He started caressing my neck with his thumb.

I was a really open person and not shy at all about this kind of shit outside of the work environment. But something about Andy made me feel exposed and vulnerable. I was worried he would find my fantasies distasteful. “It used to be memories, but I hadn’t had sex before last night for 3 years, so the memories were getting fuzzy.”

“Three years!?!” He looked horrified.

“Yeah.” I looked at the ground, feeling the hot wave of scarlet embarrassment overtaking my face.

“Then we have to hurry! We have to make up for lost time!”

Notes

Good thing I just finished- I am so tired!

QOTD: any vegetarians/vegans/pescatarians/other special dietary choices/needs out there?

I'm an ovo-lacto vegetarian, what most people just refer to as a vegetarian.