*Satan's POV*

As soon as I finished my Sudoku puzzle, I started thinking about what sorts of things would come in handy for Lilith's gutsy, little human toy and my new trainee-veterinarian on their topside journey. I was a little rusty, I hadn’t resurrected anyone for more than a day or so at a time since… Fuck, like, the 90s?

Frankly, everyone was always hesitant to make a pact with me these days, because they’d seen too many movies where ‘I’ fucked someone over. For some reason, I was always after souls in cinema, like I didn’t have vested interests in anything else, for fuck’s sake? I mean, in reality, I’ve made bargains before for things like a certain brand of socks (gold-toe, by the way). I suppose that would just not be dramatic enough? But they are a great brand!

But to get back to my point- the movies were always what it came down to. Not religion, traditions, books, or even social media (these days). It was the bloody movies that were slowing my trade, making people reticent to deal with me. Don’t get me wrong, I like watching movies, but I really like making deals, it’s one of my passions. And the movie industry has really screwed me.

So, for the last twenty years, I’ve even tried to avoid gratuitously unfair contracts where people made stupid mistakes, I've made an effort to improve my reputation. I haven’t bargained for a soul with the living for the last 6 or 7 years, though I can hear people pleading every second of every day.

It was all so unfair! Sometimes being the Dark Lord was shitty. I mean, I needed to be respected and feared, I knew it, but I didn’t necessarily want everyone to think I was a total dickhead. So, this time, I was resolved to be… Well, I couldn’t be nice, that would be ridiculous. But I supposed I could be… generous.

I definitely didn't want to totally fuck over two people that were already dead, even if they had threatened me, for two reasons. Z specifically was beloved by every demonic woman in the Underworld, and if he stopped working, they'd all come for my head. I had no desire to test my immortality, nor to see Lilith that unhappy. Also, if word spread that I'd soured a deal on two dead subjects who had been doing something semi-altruistic (though I wasn't so sure of that), every dead human would think I really was the shitty Lucifer they'd seen in the movies. As if I didn't have enough problems already?

Hmmm... I got a nice, crisp, yellow, college-ruled pad of paper from a side-table drawer, putting away my Sudoku. I liked writing, helped me think.

I made a list:

• Car (make it stylish, it reflects on you!)
• Drivers license for each X 2 (over 21, match their birthdates and first names from life in case they are quizzed)
• Credit cards X 2 (limit of $5000, have this scheduled to pay off daily)
• American money (maybe $1000 each?)
• Debit cards X 2 (put a daily withdrawal limit of $1500)
• Copy of my guide to faking it during resurrection (needs updating)
• Did they bring clothes or toiletries? Pack them a pity bag? Too generous?
• Coin for Charon X 4
• River's stone X 2
• Ask if they'll bring back some Reese's peanut butter cups (Say please and maybe won't have to make any deals)
• ?Communication? Really necessary could send an invocation amulet? (Discuss- don't want to give my cell number)
• Cell phones that work upside, w/chargers X 2 (To call each other)

I sat back, thinking about the car. My first instinct when I thought of those kids was to get a set of motorbikes, but that wasn't very practical for transportation. And who knew if either of them actually knew how to stay put on a hog?

Maybe a monster truck? That was stylish, and had more room. No, height became an issue with bridges and drive-thrus, and boys that age were always eating drive-thru. Always!

They were too rough to put in a slick sports car; they'd just ding it up. And they'd probably forget to plug an electric car in. I had to do something subtly chic to show my hand, I had some pride.

Aha! I had a stroke of genius, the perfect thing. A hearse! A late 60s Cadillac model, in fact, would do nicely, if they could drive stick. They'd have flare and someplace to sleep if they fucked up and couldn't find a motel. (I quickly penciled in 'bedding' by car.) If they were a bunch of incompetent, modern boobs that needed an automatic, I’d still get them a hearse, just something more recent. I liked the shrewd scene generated by two dead men traveling on a road trip, in a hearse, as they followed a band named after a Catholic ritual. I purred for a moment, feeling pleased with my excellent decision-making and creative vision.

My pleasant thoughts were interrupted when I remembered, unbidden, how that skinny kid, that Owen, had said he was placed in the quarry when he died. Hrmmm. He might be a younger guy, sure, but he had a slight build, and a solid background in veterinary medicine, maybe other fields with advanced training. And they had stuck him in a manual labor field, in which he had no background whatsoever? I felt my temper start to flare up at the thought of all the waste, all the squandered resources, misallocated minds there could be at this very moment.

Smoke curled from my nose, and I realized I needed to focus. Now was the time to delegate, not lose my temper and rip the flesh off of every idiot that had stopped paying attention in the personnel department. I would most definitely do that later, after my rebellious, cocky, little human buddies were safely resurrected. To keep my cool, I added, “-See to placement situation (both current and incoming),” to my list. Heads would roll and spines would snap, just later.

Right now, I had a lot of texts to send. I was still waffling about the toiletries bag. I'd take care of everything else and make up my mind about that last. I had the feeling, though, that I was going to be a softie about it. I supposed it was ok everyone once and a while. Besides, dental hygiene really is an important priority, even when you're dead.

Notes

QOTD:Ever heard of Delain, Sonata Arctica, or Nightwish? Are you a fan?

(Yes x 3, newly so for the first two; for a long time for Nightwish)


Check out these videos I took from when I saw Nightwish the other day:

Nightwish perform 'The Siren' at Showbox SODO in Seattle on 3/7/16

Nightwish perform 'My Walden' at Showbox SODO in Seattle on 3/7/16

Also check out this lyric video for a ballad that Sonata Arctica, one of the opening bands, played (I didn't take a video of it but I wished I had, it was a kick in the pants it was so good!):
Lyric video for 'Last Drop Falls' by Sonata Arctica, currently on tour with Nightwish

Another lyric video for a song of theirs called 'The End of this Chapter,' SUPER intense!