*Andy’s POV*

Well, fuck. I gathered Cyclops-cat had not been such a smooth move after all. Gwyn was apparently totally sick of people giving her stuffed animals, and yet that was exactly what I’d gotten for her. I decided to just keep the poor thing hidden away until I could figure out something to do with it. Shit! The whole thing pissed me off more than it should. For some reason, I had felt so pleased with myself, I had been so certain Gwyn was going to like the stupid thing. Fuck it. I just liked seeing her smile, it was pretty. I liked making her happy. I just kind of… did. And apparently I sucked at it.

I wanted a cigarette, but decided I could wait. Gwyn was giving me a little bit of a worried vibe. Oops. She reached over to squeeze my leg, so I snagged her hand for a kiss before she went back to driving, earning myself a surprisingly feminine-sounding little laugh. Score for Andy! Booyah! “Alright, Doc, next section is your past.” Gwyn rolled her eyes, still smiling. She really did have pretty eyes, whether she was wearing makeup or not. I wondered if I should I tell her that, or if she would think I wasn’t paying attention? Maybe later, it wasn’t like I would forg-

“Oh great. You realize this is going to be totally fucking boring.” She was still smiling. That being, because I am the master of boyfriendism.

I tutted at her. “To the contrary, mademoiselle, this is essential information!”

Gwyn chuckled. “Just like pe-‘kahn’ versus pe-‘canne’, right?”

I laughed. “Exactly, it’s like, should I really be sticking my dick in this woman? How can I trust her when I don’t know if she says ‘Car-ryb-ean’ or ‘Ca-RIB-ean’?” Gwyn just laughed, but then I was curious. “Well?”

“Hold on.” Gwyn needed to switch lanes. “Mmm, same deal as the nut shit, but I lean towards ‘Ca-RIB-ean.’ You?”

I mouthed them both. “Probably, um, ‘Car-ryb-ean.’” I wrote our answers down, then checked the list. “So: where are you from?”

Gwyn sighed. Uh…? I felt like that was a pretty standard question. Why was that bad? “You don’t have to-“

“-No, it’s fine, the answer is just a little long. I’m not from anywhere.” She kind of chuckled before going on, “I mean, I was born in America, but when I was a couple weeks old, I moved to Botswana-“

“What?!?” Seriously? “You don’t look African-“

“Dude, I’m not. I’m American. My parents worked for the government, we moved around a lot-“ I started getting excited.

“-Like the FBI? The CIA? Your parents work for Big Brother, are they watching us right now?!?” Oh shit, did they watch us fucking? Were there cameras in her apartment, did see it when I-

“No, Hot-shot!” Gwyn just laughed. “My Dad is retired from the government, my Mom still works but isn’t in one of those acronymy, secret branches, for fuck’s sake!”

“Yeah? My Dad works for the government too, where I’m from.” Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I feared, then…

“My mom works in like HR stuff. My dad got bored when he tried retiring from the Foreign Service, he just couldn't adjust very well to ‘take the dog out to go poo’ mode.” I laughed. “So he got some job in the private sector that, like, helps train people on how to help stop civil war.” Stop civil war?

“Are you serious? So very casual, laid back stuff, I take it.” Gwyn snorted.

“Yeah, well, that’s my Dad. He’s just that way, always saving the fucking world. I keep telling him he needs to actually fucking retire, and he just won’t fucking do it! Same with my Mom, but she won’t do it either, they’re both psycho-workaholics, always wanting to help people in their own way, it’s ridiculous!” I sensed Gwyn getting irritable and decided to steer the topic quickly away from her parents. Man, I wanted that cigarette!

“So, where have you lived?” I tried not to think about cigarettes…

“Well, when you work for the Foreign Service, you have a home-base close to Washington D.C.. So, my parents, they’re still together, they have a house in Maryland, and would commute when ever we lived there. We would move every, I dunno, 2-6 years or so when I was growing up. I’ve lived in, let’s see…” She thought about it for a second. “Well, I don’t remember Botswana, I was too little. We were stationed in the Ukraine during the Cold War, when it was still the Soviet Union-“ my eyebrows shot up just a little at that, “-heh, yes, Hot-shot, I am an old fart. Sorry, not sorry.”

Caught! “That’s not what I meant, I was just surprised! How old were, I mean, uhhh, that’s really cool…?” Shit! I had dug myself deeper. I felt myself flailing. Gwyn didn’t look really old. How old was she again? Fuck.

Gwyn just laughed at me. “You’re a fucking cougar-tamer, Biersack, and everyone is going to hound you for it. I mean, you know that, right? I am going to tell everyone I’m in my fifties with a straight face.” I laughed.

“You’re on! Go for it, I bet you can’t. You’ll fucking break- you’ll laugh. Anyway, no one will believe you.” There was no way anyone would buy Gwyn was as old as my mother!

Gwyn puffed up her chest. “Fine! Forties, then. We shall see, Hot-shot! I’m not much of a liar, we’ll see how this goes, I like a challenge.” I grinned. This would last all of five seconds, Gwyn laughed too much. I had forgotten how old she was, but she sure as shit didn't look forty-anything! And yet, she shot me a brief cocky, self-assured look. Naughty vixen, I wished she wasn't driving. “You’re from Cincinnati, right?”

I groaned. Well that had killed my mood. “Yes! But for years, people have come up to me, and they will insist I was born in Wisconsin!” Gwyn chuckled. “I don’t carry my fucking birth certificate around, I would have thought that they would take my word for it, but you’d be shocked- they don’t! They will argue with me! And I’m like, ‘Why? Why do you care?’” I sighed, and wrote down, ‘NOT WI –A,’ for my answer.

Gwyn glanced at me, smiling. “I dunno, I thought it was pretty fucking funny."

Notes

please note i’ve tried to do my research, but i have no fucking clue how real-life Andy Biersack pronounces Caribbean or pecan. if you know him or have heard him say either one, by all means, let me know, heh, and i can edit them if i guessed wrong, but i had, statistically, a 50/50 shot on each one, right? if you have seen a video where he says either one, please feel free to point me in the right direction.

(if i ever met him, those would not be questions i would ask him. if someone else wants to ask him and let me know: by all means, go for it! if you do- kudos to you for having cajones of steel.)

---

please, if you are interested in check out new music, check out the following:

here is ashestoangels' new video for Find Hell, they are great, check it out:

ashestoangels' brand new video for 'Find Hell,' new album coming soon!

here is Toxic Zombie's video for Embrace the Horror, they are also great, check it out:

Toxic Zombie's video for 'Embrace the Horror'

last (video) but not least, please check out my cruddy but still hilarious video that shows how much talent Toxic Zombie have. i saw them on 1/15/16, and wasn't sure if my cell phone was even capturing anything visually, but decided to try and capture their guitarist soloing. i was excited when he jumped up on the bar, while still soloing, and even played his guitar with the shotglass. i caught a small portion of their cover of White Zombie's 'Thunder Kiss '65,' but it looked like my phone wasn't recording anything visually, so i stopped recording:

Toxic Zombie's guitarist solos up on the bar, plays his guitar with the shotglass

(note- this was posted to youtube with permission)

in short: go buy the discography of both bands. you will not be sorry. while you are at it, also check out:

Darkenside

i don't recommend bands that didn't really impress me, and all three of these bands really have something to offer. support rock and roll! go for it!

(edited 1/22/2016 to remove a fourth band that turned out to be bigoted, my apologies)