The story of a lonesome ol'Jerome

*Owen’s POV*

I wanted to run home, where it was safe, away from the Devil, his wife, Lilith, and especially, most definitely, the fuck away from Z! Instead, I forced myself to casually walk next to him out of Lucifer’s mansion. Partially because I didn’t actually know at least half of the way home. Also because Z had made a deal with Satan, (possibly because he was concerned about Gwyn, though I suspected ulterior motives weren’t out of the question), and I had been a part of it. I wouldn’t leave him high and dry, I knew Gwyn cared about the loony bastard. And bastard he was. I sighed.

“What’s your problem?” So touching, so empathetic, my new companion…

“Nothing, dickhead! You could have told me what you were going to do, you asswipe!” I kicked a stone, irritated.

Z snorted, and, predictably, lit a cigarette. Ugh, yuck. “That hardly sounds like nothing! If you want to take a swing at me, get it out of your motherfucking system, so we can carry the fuck on already!” He stopped walking and stared at me, testosterone practically radiating in a nauseating aura. God! Of course I wasn’t going to punch him, that wouldn’t solve anything! “Thought so, shit.” I groaned inwardly.

“Because, you would have been a nancy, little pussy about it, you fag- uhhhn, butt… uh, anus.” I couldn’t help it, I laughed. He was trying, and it was pathetic! Z laughed too. “Shut the fuck up! Can I even call you a pansy?” I thought about it and nodded- sure why not? “Thank shit! I can’t, I mean, fuck! How will I survive? I can already feel my balls chafing, ugh!” Z frowned, adjusting himself.

I grimaced at that, I had no desire to envision Z’s balls. While adjusting oneself was routine, everyone had to do it, it was the way of things- you couldn’t let your nads get pinched- perhaps it brought to mind my worries. What if Z tried to bone some living chick? Could she get pregnant? He’d feel frozen to her, would she think he was a zombie? My mind revolved in circles for a while as we walked.

I realized something, rather delayed. “Well, technically, you don’t have to survive me.” That made Z laugh pretty hard, and I felt pretty pleased with myself.

“See, you’re fucking slow, but not a total, uh, whatever the fuck!" Z's tittering winded down.

"Anyways, so here’s what just happened, pay attention. I don’t really know exactly how everything works, exactly, like, down here, as I imagine you don’t either. But I know the Devil is the main man. He has at least one wife that I know of, that I’ve seen, and that we saw today. She’s in the Underworld seasonally, she’s Persephone-“ Z nodded, seeing my comprehension, “-yes, motherfucker, like Greek myth, but don’t make assumptions that it’s actually just like in myth, never make those assumptions! All I know is that the seasonal thing and her name are the same, I don’t know shit about pomegranates, ok? So, moving on.

“Satan has way more children than I can keep track of, but he has favorites, and they live in his house with him. Lilith is one of his most favorites. She has a tight, little pussy and a sweet rack, even though she’s thousands of years old.” It took a huge effort not to laugh and just nod. “And, no, I don’t know if she’s human, was Adam’s wife, a demon, adopted, or what, we don’t talk about that. All I know is that I can’t knock her up, she’s hot, she pays her bill, and that works for me, so-“ I couldn’t take it.

“Z! Do you care about her? She’s clearly besotted with you!” Z just laughed. A little bit too long passed before he said anything, and I felt really awkward for having said anything.

“Dude, Lilith certainly thinks she cares about me, doesn’t she? Lilith is just bored, like so many of these ancient, demon bitches. They only like things they know they can’t have, so they have to pay for them. To capture them for a fleeting moment.” Z stopped walking and looked at me, dead on, and I saw again, into that other part of him, for just a few seconds. “Do you know what would happen if I treated any of them well, cuddled them, took them out on a date?” I shook my head. Again, that window snapped shut as Z turned and started walking quickly. “I do.”

We walked the rest of the way to my place without talking. What was with Z and women? I was about to embark on the most insane thing I'd ever done, in life or death, with possibly the most unhinged person I'd ever met... I wished I knew more about Z, about what had happened in his life, why he had had decided to end it so suddenly. I wondered if he would ever tell me. He just walked ahead of me, clearly needing space. I saw other people on the street were afraid of him, but I wasn’t entirely, not anymore. He wasn’t all bad. He just wasn’t exactly good, either.

Notes

i dedicate this chapter to all fallen friends and heroes. Z, Owen, Lemmy, David Bowie, and the innumerable others. this is for you. no question today. just love for friends, loved ones, legends, and idols. i miss you both and carry you both in my heart, always.

Z, you are a hit with the ladies. i bet you're not surprised. neither am i, you sick fuck. i miss you, i accept your apology. i totally thought you were the bassist from ashestoangels for a second and had faked your death and i was so happy/pissed i was ready to tear your balls off. you are a lucky motherfucker that wasn't you, you look just like that guy! i knew for sure it wasn't you when i read that he was engaged- hahahaha! ;)

Owen, i met someone that gave a friend, as a gift, the same book you & your partner once gave me as a gift. when i saw it i nearly cried and knew i needed to meet them. when i graduated, you graduated with me. i had a dream with you in it and it was so wonderful to have you visit again after so many years without one. i miss you but go fix up cerberus for me, bruh. when you're done maybe visit again if you can sometime?

rest in peace. i love you both.