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The story of a lonesome ol'Jerome

Drandy vs Snake/Blake

*Gwyn’s POV*

I kept my eyes on the sheets as I talked. “Well, several years ago, I was in a relationship that came to a bad end.” I paused. “For me, it was a very bad end.” I felt Andy cuddle me a little tighter, and I glanced up at him. He didn’t say anything. He looked at me, gave my hip a supportive, light squeeze, and kept listening attentively. “I, uh, I just was dreaming that you… I had a dream that everything, ehm, with us, happened exactly as it did then.”

Andy looked a little confused, though he clearly didn’t want to upset me more. “I don’t really understand what you mean.”

I scowled, seeing Andy, in my mind, sitting on the black leather couch, in the dingy apartment in Ohio, again. “Everything happened again, the same way, the same places, but it was you instead of Drake. We got in a fight over video games, and you told me you had been miserable for the last half of our relationship, and it was a total surprise to me. You said you needed a week to decide if you even wanted to be with me anymore,” my emotions started to take over, I started to talk faster and lose coherency as my voice got a little higher, “I didn’t hear from you at all for 6 days! I couldn’t take it, I called you, you were on the bus,” the memory took over again, I didn’t realize it, but I was crying, “Drake was totally calm, he said he didn’t need the extra day, that he had decided. He dumped me over the phone!” I started sobbing. Andy tried to hug me, but I pushed him away gruffly.

“You don’t understand, Andy! I never mattered to Drake, it’s not possible. He’s engaged now, Andy, engaged! It makes me feel gross, like he lied to me, like I shouldn’t have my feelings anymore because he never knew himself, if he could ever want monogamy. I want him to be happy, I just,” I sniffled, “I always feel so much more for my partners, every time. I’m always discarded so easily, I’m never worth the effort!” I was borderline babbling, ranting, gesticulating for emphasis. “I care so profoundly, for me, love comes deeper, just, than everybody! What is wrong with everyone else! What’s wrong with you?!?”

My mind cleared a bit, and I was calmer and grew still, though I was breathing hard for a minute before going on. Andy just watched and listened, uneasy. “The rest of the dream was when I went to say goodbye, and read you the letter I wrote, so fucking… I mean, painstakingly, I spent hours, and you just wanted me to leave, you were finished with me, you were irritated by me, just like Drake. Exactly like how it was.” The physical pain in my stomach, a manifestation of the emotional anguish, was too great, and I bent over, holding my face in my hands, crying silently.

I felt Andy rubbing a circle on my back. After a minute I turned my head a little. “Andy, everyone, everyone leaves me. I always get my heart completely wrecked. I’m scared. I don’t like it, it hurts so much. I don’t know that I could survive it again. I don’t know what to do.”

“Gwyn, I’m not finished with you, c’mere…” Andy coaxed me up into a hug. Feeling his arms wrapped around me, I felt so much better, and I squeezed him back as he rocked us, just a little. “I don’t know what will happen, I can’t know what will happen. But I’m not any of those other people, I’m not that fucker Snake, ok?” Andy had made a face when he said, “Snake,” clearly doing it on purpose.

I jerked away, defensive of Drake. “He’s not a fucker! His name is Drake!”

Andy snorted. “Are you kidding? He sure sounds like one! He hurt my girl, therefore, he’s a rotten bastard.” I frowned at Andy, who just looked at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I protested again, “Andy, I-“

“Nope! I’m afraid I have to insist that you give me a fair chance, completely independent of your experience with Blake the asshole.” He looked at me, genuine and caring, with determination in his voice. “Forget about all the assholes that were too stupid to appreciate you, Gwyn. Give me a chance, ok?”

I looked at Andy, feeling frightened of the inevitable heartbreak. I didn’t want to go through it again. He took both of my hands in his. “Gwyn, I’m not going to say I’ll never hurt you, because I probably will. I mean, every couple has fights. And, frankly, I really do like the Bengals so much more than the Redskins-“ I snorted “-but I bet you’ll hurt me too, and that’s ok, I mean, it’s normal, sometimes. But I will try really hard to be good to you, and to be honest, uh, and, you know, talk about feelings, and all of that stuff, so that things go well, ok? And I think they will, I really do, I mean, that’s why I fucking stalked you online, and at work, and came chasing after you. That’s why I put my hand through a table, because I was so mad I had fucked things up.” Andy paused. “Well, that, and because I’m totally brainless sometimes.” He grinned at me.

I smiled back at Andy. Well, shit, I guess if I was doomed, what a way to go. He pressed my hands to his chest, over his heart, now smiling widely. “Now, this is supposed to be very charming to ladies, let me know if it works this time. Last time it didn’t. So, I'll do my best to try and look as smolderingly alluring and incredibly tantalizing as possible. If it doesn’t work this time, I’ll have to tell Ashley that I need some new moves, because you’ve developed immunity to my basic repertoire.” I giggled as Andy cleared his throat, then assumed an ultra-composed, exaggerated, sexy smirk.

Andy leaned in closer to me, and when he murmured, his voice deep, his gaze intense, I felt myself turn to goo, “Babe, you’ve had quite the effect on me. Please don’t break my heart when you’ve only just started it racing.” Andy raised an eyebrow, half-comically, and reached to touch my wet, puffy face. “I think I’ll add my own improvisation,” he grinned, a twinkle in his eye, and continued in that profoundly seductive voice. “There’s also the side-bennie of the cock, pretty-lady.” He waggled his eyebrows at me, then bit his tongue in a wide grin, and I started laughing.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, shut the fuck up and give me a kiss!” I beamed at him.

Andy smiled triumphantly, “I’ll give you my penis in your vagina, woman!” Then he tackled me over and raspberried me on my neck and chest, making horrid little farty noises, making me laugh.

Notes

by complete coincidence, i found myself writing this chappy on an ex of mine's birthday. ugh. emos festival.

so far, the last QOTD has been a huge hit, as i've had exactly 0 responses. no worries, though, it's not a big deal- i really do have plenty of my own questions. i just thought someone (anyone?) might enjoy semi-participation, i appear to have been mistaken. i'm not huge on participation in the stories that i read myself, so i can understand. i also have a HUGE pet peeve when fan fiction authors beg for comments/subscribers or (there's one other thing they always ask for, what is it? i forget). i feel like, comment or subscribe if you feel like it and want to, dude. if you don't, don't. seriously. guilt-tripping you into it is whack.

but i have noticed something odd. sometimes i'll find this story listed as 'popular,' but it doesn't have very many subscribers or comments, so i keep wondering, who the fuck is reading this? bots? is anyone actually reading it? maybe just the smut chapters? i actually only know of 2 people that do regularly for sure. (my fanfic posse- you know who you are, ladies, you write much better than i, and my life is more tolerable for your writing, no shit.) i would be fine with no one reading it, i just don't understand why it then has to be on the popular page, displacing other wonderful stories (and a few shit stories) that people seem to enjoy a great deal more. ah well, i suppose there's nothing i can do about it.

so i guess QOTD would still be sending a question or questions, if you want. you've got, i dunno, maybe a chapter more to to go before they hit the road. alternatively, you can just tell me if you read this, because it's interesting to know, out of curiosity. and maybe what parts you've read, or what parts you like or dislike?

random factoid: as a word doc, loj is ~194 pages! has anyone read it all? (my answer- well, yes...)

Comments

*NOTE* The author of this story no longer has access to her account due to site malfunction.
SmuttyPariah SmuttyPariah
4/15/17

Ok, cool. I don't mind plodding plots at all, but as a frustrated English teacher, I can totally understand the grammar and structure stuff.

Merelan Merelan
1/26/17

@Merelan


oh, i'm not changing it significantly in that regard. i mean more a stylistic change to make it easier to read: breaking up paragraphs, improving grammar and tense consistency, stuff like that. i've become a much better writer and i want my stuff to reflect that. if you're nervous about the changed, you can check out the newest version on my wattpad account. my user name is anathemadvm, just plain anathema was taken. i'm still likely to further revise the very beginning a little, but nothing is plot related, i like the plot as much as i ever did. i just want it to be easier to read, that's all.

anathema anathema
1/26/17

@anathema
Actually, the beginning of LoJ fits the story perfectly, IMHO. You establish Gywn as a likeable, but clearly flawed character from the door. It's much different from most other fanfic, which want to get to the Bride(s) ASAP.

Merelan Merelan
1/26/17

@Merelan


oh my goodness! i don't think even i have read it that many times, though i could be wrong! i've certainly only read it through once in one sitting! i promise that the edited version is higher quality, but i don't dare tinker with it here until i have the whole thing ready to go. right now i've edited through chapter 50, though i might need to ahve another look at the very beginning, because it's so plodding.

anathema anathema
1/26/17