The story of a lonesome ol'Jerome
Polyamory blues
*Gwyn's POV*
“Really? That’s so cool! I hardly ever meet anyone else who is poly!” I was so excited. It was really nice to find someone like myself. It made me feel like I was not alone. It didn’t even matter, really, that Andy was an internationally famous rock star, just that he was somebody being nice to me.
“How long have you been poly?” Andy asked.
“It’s a long story of evolving, you know how it goes. I guess you could say technically I identified with it permanently around the time I turned 26 or so.” I glanced from the ground to Andy's face and caught him staring at my chest. Uhm, unexpected. I pretended not to notice. My face turned scarlet and I couldn’t think.
“Do you have any partners right now?” Andy asked, and he kind of leaned in this funny way towards me, and flashed an impish grin. I couldn’t look at him smiling like that, it was totally like sensory overload, and I was clearly missing something.
I was really confused, I mean, straight-up confused. I was a big girl. Not huge, but definitely overweight. I thought maybe I was just hallucinating things due to residual adrenaline, or perhaps misinterpreting signals. I wasn't very good with with people outside of work. I tried to brush it off.
“Um, no. I’ve been single for years.” His devilish grin softened and he put his arm around me. I thought I would totally die, but just made myself stare hard at the ground, squinting, and focus on what Andy was saying, as a person I was meeting, and not be distracted by preconceptions and things I knew about his public persona. He was just being a nice guy. Sometimes, nice people put their arms around other people. Some people are very touchy-feely, into snuggling everyone, comforting others. Perfectly normal.
I decided to lighten it up, so I started again casually, “It’s been totally shit for my sex life. I mean, I love to fuck, but I haven’t gotten laid in years either, just because I don’t feel like boning the types of folks that are interested in hitting the sack with me, y’know? Anyways, how about you- how long have you been poly?”
“Meh, well, it’s complicated. It started with Juliet. She was poly when I met her, and I agreed to it, and generally, I feel like it suits me. She’s had other partners all along, but, I mean, I guess that’s what I wanted to get your perspective on.”
“Yeah, go on.” I eyed his cigarette as he closed his eyes while he took one last drag before putting it out. I tried not to linger on his bizarrely, seemingly flawless, facial features (what was up with that?) and accidentally checked out his crotch. Oh shit! How embarrassing! Hopefully I hadn't been caught… I felt myself turning red.
“Well, I mean, for a long time it was fine that way, you know, Juliet could have other romantic partners, and, I mean, I’ve tried, but I just don’t know if I want to, it hasn't ever worked out.” He sounded kind of sad. I dunno, maybe disappointed with himself?
“Well, maybe you don’t have to. A lot of poly couples are totally fine with just one partner having multiple emotional bonds. In my last relationship, I only ever boned my boyfriend, and he had, like, I dunno, maybe 20 other partners, some of which were emotionally involved. Never bothered me. I mean, there are a lot of ways to do polyamory, there’s no one ‘right’ way. I mean, are you guys each others’ ‘primaries?’” I tried not to say the word with any bias. I wasn’t into hierarchical relationships, personally. I didn’t like any kind of label that implied importance of one over another.
“Yeah.” He looked at the 'Dragonfly' tattoo on his hand and ran his fingers over it, smiling. I summoned all my social interaction skills and deployed them all at once to avoid giving any external negative reaction.
“Well, that’s cool, but it might be off-putting for some chicks. Not everybody is into a hierarchical relationship system with designated prioritization.” Um, like me, I thought. Not that that mattered, of course. “So what was making you feel like you needed a secondary?”
Andy frowned and pulled at the edge of his boot. “I got lonely on the tours Jules didn't come on. She doesn’t feel jealousy anymore, but I still do, some. I fucked plenty of chicks, but after a while, they all seemed the same. All smoking hot, amazing bodies, and obsessed with me.”
I looked at his forlorn expression and couldn’t help myself: I burst out laughing. “Oh you poor motherfucker, boning the poor fangirl-Katies of the world and making their dreams come true!” I laughed and laughed until I cried.
At first Andy looked pissed. He just kept watching me laughing, trying to frown and look serious. “Godfuckingdammit…” he said, but I just kept laughing, and eventually he started chuckling quietly too.
“Anyway,” I said, wiping the tears from my eyes, “I’m sorry dude, please, um, continue.”
“You sure you’re ready, because, I mean, I can wait.” I made a face and laughed. “Well, right. I mean, seriously, I don’t know that I crave another woman in my life other than Juliet, per se. But she just doesn’t have the time for me. I just have trouble finding other women that I can, I dunno, have emotional interactions with and genuine feelings for. They all just seem to have this weird, psychic vampirism about them, they all want something from me. They aren’t interested in me, they are interested in ‘The Prophet’ or ‘Andy Six’ or whatever, you know?” And for just a second, Andy Biersack, the flawless warrior, looked very worn out and maybe, just maybe, a little vulnerable. I felt the horrible and unwelcome feeling of my heart just starting to melt, and immediately buried it.
I hesitated. It was pretty obvious what was going on here. “Andy, eh…Look, the BVB Army is immense. It’s got all kinds of people in it. Unfortunately, um, for your purposes right now, I think most of the chicks in it are going to initially be, uh, blinded to your words, your personality, you know, by your appearance. They'll all be starstruck at first. I mean, you are preceded by your,” I gestured grandly, “public persona. However, there are lots of women that will quickly overcome that, ok? They will start interacting with you as a human being, not as Lord Andy Biersack. You are clearly just boning the wrong girls, Andy. Instead of finding chicks that will learn to see you for you, you are just fucking super hot chicks, man. You are thinking with you dick.” I tried to make a sympathetic face, but I giggled. “Most dudes do it, it is the way of dudes.” I nodded sagely. “Next time, I suggest boning a chick you find interesting in some way, intriguing, or whatever. Or you could just steer clear of plowing your fans and find girls that don’t recognize you.”
“My dick?” He paused, and actually looked down at his crotch, which made me laugh. “I’m going to go have a cigarette, but please just stay there, ok? I’ll be right back- 5 minutes.”
4/15/17