Before You Knew Jinxx

*Now*
“Sara?” It was Jeremy. He looked exactly like he did the last time I saw him. The time he left me, and didn’t tell me why. The time that I was broken, and nothing could fix it. Not even him. A part of me is still broken. I just looked at him. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, here is my memory, my broken memory, coming to haunt me. I didn’t say anything. I looked at him for a couple more seconds, and pushed through some people and walked out the door, the bells ringing, into the humid, California night air. My brain was foggy. I couldn’t think! It’s been fucking five years! Why was he back? Why were my memories of him coming back to haunt me? I didn’t do anything wrong. I ran across the street, and kept running. I didn’t know where I was going. My apartment was a couple blocks away, but I couldn’t see. I couldn’t think. My head was pounding so hard, I finally stopped running when I came to my apartment complex. I had made it. I stopped in the grass to catch my breath. I heard a noise in the bush next to me. “Okay, I’m out of here.” I said out loud to myself. I started to walk away, and all of the sudden someone pulled my hand. “No, please. Stop.” That voice. It was Jeremy. I turned slowly. He let go of my hand. We looked at each other. I honestly had no idea what to say. He was only a memory. “Jeremy.” I looked at him. “What are you doing here.” I asked him accusingly. “I live here. In LA, I mean.” Oh wow. Of course. I knew he had lived here in high school, but of course he is back here. “Okay, then.” I said. “Why are you here, right now? Why did you follow me here.” I asked. “I passed the café, and I saw you on stage playing your guitar. I didn’t know if it was you at first, but then I got closer, and I knew it was you.” He told me. “Okay, but why does it matter. So what. We live in the same city. There are millions of people here. Why are you talking to me?” I asked, in a rude tone. I wanted him to leave. To get out! “You can’t just show up in my life again. I’ve been doing fine! I am getting a career. I am studying and doing more than I ever thought I would do! Why do you have to come back in my life and bring back horrible memories?” I was steaming up. “Yeah it looks like you are doing great with your life. I’m sorry. I’ll leave. But I wanted to give you an explanation as to why I left that day.” He tried to tell me. “You know what? I don’t give a fuck why you left. It was five years ago, and I don’t want to be hurt again! So please. Get out!” I was almost yelling. “Okay.” He turned and walked away. Once he was gone, I ran up the steps to the top floor, where I lived. I took out my key, and tried shoving it in the key hole, but my hand was shaking so badly that it wouldn’t go in. Sitting on the ground now, I broke down. Covering my face with my hands, I cried like I hadn’t cried in a long time. Not since….then. Not since Jeremy left five years ago. After a half hour, I stood up, and tried putting my key in the door again. It went in, and I walked inside my apartment. I set my guitar down, made some popcorn, got a Dr. Pepper, and lay down on my couch. I turned on the TV, and Ghost Whisperer was on. Mom watches that show, and so I usually don’t like to watch it, though I am the one who showed it to her. Tonight, I did. I took a long sip of Dr. Pepper, and shoved a handful of popcorn in my mouth. Some tears tried to come out, but I wiped them away. I woke up to knocking at my door. I was a mess. I had Dr. Pepper in my hair. I had fallen asleep, and the can had spilled. I got off the couch, and went to the door, not caring what I looked like. I opened the door, and there was a envelope on the doormat. There wasn’t anything written on it. It was blank. I picked it up, and slammed the door. I opened the envelope, and there was a white card. In it: “Sara, look. Before you throw this away, please hear me out. I want you to know everything….” I was about to rip it up and throw it away, and then I decided I might as well read it, and throw it away after. I continued reading, “I want you to know everything that happened back five years ago. The last time I saw you, we said that we would talk tomorrow. I didn’t come the next day, and I am so sorry. Things….happened. My mom and her boyfriend got in a fight, and she forced me to move back to LA with her. I told her I wanted to stay, and she said no. It was ugly. Once we got back to LA, she said we were going to move to Iowa instead. That is where I was born. And she didn’t want to be in the same place where she met her ex-boyfriend. So that is why I never came back. You have no idea how hard it was for me. I wanted to tell you why I never came back, but I had no idea how. I didn’t know your last name, and I didn’t have any of your information. I put you through hell, I know. Actually, I don’t know what you went through. But I am so sorry, Sara. When I turned 19 I went back to LA. I didn’t want to live in Iowa anymore. I played with my band for a while longer, and then I left it. I just didn’t want to work with them anymore. So I did my own thing for a few years. Anyways, Sara. I am so sorry. I mean, I can’t express how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you. That is the last thing I would ever want to do. Anyways, Sara I hope you can forgive me, and if you don’t, that is fine. I just wanted you to know the whole story. Thanks for reading this. Go rip it up if you want. I know you will anyways. –Jeremy” I stood there reading it over and over again. I was starting the first tear on the paper, and I stopped. My thoughts were all over the place. I had no idea what to do. Should I go find him? Should I talk to him? Wait. No! Why would I talk to him? And if I wanted to, which I don’t! I wouldn’t know where to find him. I read the letter over again, I grabbed my keys, hopped in my car, and drove back to the café. I had no idea where to start looking, but I had to find Jeremy. I drove around the block over and over again, and I didn’t see him. What do I do? I kept thinking. I pulled over to the curb, and thought. I do not know where he is! I put on my music. I was too stressed out and emotional to think. Black Veil Brides came on. I started to sing along, and then I remembered Jeremy…..or should I say Jinxx. I had my music on shuffle, and their song, “Carolyn” came on. The violin…..that was Jeremy! Or….Jinxx. He plays so beautifully. I cannot believe he’s in Black Veil Brides. They are my favorite band. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I had no idea where he lived or anything. There was nothing I really could do, but go home. I turned the car around, and drove home. That night, I dreamt of Jeremy. I needed to know where he was, so I could talk to him. I woke up at 7, so I could get ready for work. I didn’t have class until later. I did my makeup and hair, and put on my Walmart shirt. Oh how I hated this shirt. I drove to work, and was there until 4. Then I had classes from 4:30-8-30 pm. I accepted the fact that I wouldn’t be able to find Jeremy again. AGAIN!! THIS FELT LIKE HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN!! Sara! Why do you keep doing this to yourself? I guess if it’s meant to be, I will find him again.

Notes