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#setthemfree
~Andy’s POV~
“Andy?” Emily answered the call with video despite that her eyes were swollen, eyeliner and mascara streaking down her flushed cheeks. I wasn’t angry about the Ashley thing, he was there and I wasn’t so I couldn’t really blame her. Seeing her crying about it made me fall in love with the goodness in her all over again, it reminded me what I’d felt the night she sent me all my stuff back in the mail.
I was destroying her. I had to stop.
“Listen to me Andy please.” She pleaded. “Don’t ignore me.”
My heart had broken over and over. But that’s what life is, isn’t it? How could you ever know you’d met the love of your life if you’d never been royally screwed over by an ex? How could you ever know pleasure without first living through pain? I knew what I had to say and I knew it would it hurt her, but I also knew that people from my world and people from hers never last. I could only bring her down, and I loved her too much to do it.
“I’m not ignoring you.” I said quietly. My room was dark, the light from my phone screen cast an eerie glow upon my face.
“You’ve been crying.” She whispered.
I’d seen it happen on daytime talk shows enough to know exactly what I needed to say. Out of everyone in my life she’d made the most difference and she was the one I’d ultimately hurt the most. I’d applied to an Ivy League university to be with her. I’d left an abusive relationship for her. She showed me love and support, made me believe in my own potential, she saw the good in me and she waited for me when I was with somebody else. Thinking about all of these things made tears stream down my face freely as I feigned my best guilty look, I looked her in the eyes for the last time.
“You know I love you.” I began with the words cheaters always say. The words they think are going to somehow lighten the blow of a bullet to the 4th chakra. The words that make somebody who idolizes you see you in a way that you will never be unseen.
She leaned away from the phone and began shaking her head slowly at first, as though in shock. “No.” She whispered and shook her head faster as the words I hadn’t yet said began to creep up on her. We were silent for a few moments, until her head dropped down and her fingers entangled in her bright red hair, covering her face. She couldn’t look at me.
“It didn’t mean anything to me, I’m sorry baby.” I said. I hated myself for lying to her.
“Don’t.” She tried to stop me, still crying she began to shout. “Don’t you dare call me that!”
I did not expect her to blow up at me.
“I have done everything for you!” She stopped talking and recomposed herself, literally swallowing her emotions and looked at me again.
When it seemed like she was about to pretend we were okay, I knew I had to say it. I gathered a ball of darkness from within the pit of my stomach and brought it up to my chest, holding it there for a moment before looking her in the eyes and lying, “I cheated on you with Olivia.”
She ended the call.
“Andy?” Emily answered the call with video despite that her eyes were swollen, eyeliner and mascara streaking down her flushed cheeks. I wasn’t angry about the Ashley thing, he was there and I wasn’t so I couldn’t really blame her. Seeing her crying about it made me fall in love with the goodness in her all over again, it reminded me what I’d felt the night she sent me all my stuff back in the mail.
I was destroying her. I had to stop.
“Listen to me Andy please.” She pleaded. “Don’t ignore me.”
My heart had broken over and over. But that’s what life is, isn’t it? How could you ever know you’d met the love of your life if you’d never been royally screwed over by an ex? How could you ever know pleasure without first living through pain? I knew what I had to say and I knew it would it hurt her, but I also knew that people from my world and people from hers never last. I could only bring her down, and I loved her too much to do it.
“I’m not ignoring you.” I said quietly. My room was dark, the light from my phone screen cast an eerie glow upon my face.
“You’ve been crying.” She whispered.
I’d seen it happen on daytime talk shows enough to know exactly what I needed to say. Out of everyone in my life she’d made the most difference and she was the one I’d ultimately hurt the most. I’d applied to an Ivy League university to be with her. I’d left an abusive relationship for her. She showed me love and support, made me believe in my own potential, she saw the good in me and she waited for me when I was with somebody else. Thinking about all of these things made tears stream down my face freely as I feigned my best guilty look, I looked her in the eyes for the last time.
“You know I love you.” I began with the words cheaters always say. The words they think are going to somehow lighten the blow of a bullet to the 4th chakra. The words that make somebody who idolizes you see you in a way that you will never be unseen.
She leaned away from the phone and began shaking her head slowly at first, as though in shock. “No.” She whispered and shook her head faster as the words I hadn’t yet said began to creep up on her. We were silent for a few moments, until her head dropped down and her fingers entangled in her bright red hair, covering her face. She couldn’t look at me.
“It didn’t mean anything to me, I’m sorry baby.” I said. I hated myself for lying to her.
“Don’t.” She tried to stop me, still crying she began to shout. “Don’t you dare call me that!”
I did not expect her to blow up at me.
“I have done everything for you!” She stopped talking and recomposed herself, literally swallowing her emotions and looked at me again.
When it seemed like she was about to pretend we were okay, I knew I had to say it. I gathered a ball of darkness from within the pit of my stomach and brought it up to my chest, holding it there for a moment before looking her in the eyes and lying, “I cheated on you with Olivia.”
She ended the call.
It me.
12/6/21