I Was So Bitter, Till You Came Along

Ash and Jake were the only two that knew about my pregnancy, besides Andy, of course. I was actually quite relieved that somebody else knew. It took the edge off of having to tell a larger number of people.

However, as the months and the tour progressed, I was finding it difficult to live on a bus whilst being pregnant. When I was five months along, I'd made the decision to return home and wait for Andy to get back in three months. That way, I'd be more comfortable and could maneuver around a lot easier than previously before.

I had yet to tell my mother that Andy and I were expecting and that I was actually going through with it. I wanted it more than previously thought, and I wasn't about to let Andy down again. There was no way I'd be able to live with myself if I did that.

But if you were to put aside the bad things and the mornings, as well as days in general I felt like complete and utter shit, you'd get me at my best. I was feeling better about myself every day and the support from everyone was helping greatly. Eventually CC and Jinxx found out, but it wasn't like I was hiding it from them. They were just as excited, if not more, than I was about this baby, and it was uplifting.

Andy and I had decided to wait until he got back to find out the gender, but I still went to my check ups and what not every few weeks. It was tempting though, being so close to finding out whether your baby was a boy or a girl. There were many times I almost asked.

There was a day during my sixth month where there was a knock on the doors but I wasn't expecting anyone. I pulled it open and to my suprise, my mother was on the other side, smiling at me.

"Mom. Hi," I said, a little confused as to why she was here.

"Andy called me," she said. I blinked and smiled, letting her in.

"How far along are you?" She asked, closing the door behind herself.

"Six months," I grinned, my hands automatically cupping my belly.

"Wow. When were you going to tell me? And where's Andrew?" She asked. I glanced down at the floor.

"I don't know... and he's on tour," I answered. My mom let out a low whistle.

"Honey, what are you doing?" She asked. I furrowed my eyebrows together.

"What do you mean?" I asked, getting defensive.

"What I mean is you're turning nineteen in a month. Andy is twenty five. Are you sure he's the one for you? He's seven years older than you," she said, almost like she was accusing me of something.

"If you're mad at me for not telling you about my pregnancy you should have just said so. Telling me my boyfriend is seven years older than me doesn't make me want to change my mind. Actually, I think you should leave," I said, pointing at the door behind her.

"I'm your mother," she said, sounding offended at what I'd said.

"Yeah. A mother that abandoned me because she couldn't man up and take care of me. Thanks for all of the years of love and support. I appreciate it. And what happened when you easily could have taken me home before I turned eighteen; I was friendless and scared and had no one to look up to. Do you know how that feels!? I will never let my child grow up the way I did because I know what it feels like. Get the fuck out of my house," I said. My mother stared hopelessly at me before turning around and leaving.

All of the pent up anger and disappointment I'd felt towards my mother didn't feel like a fiery ball in my gut anymore. I deserved to be able to speak my mind about how I'd felt growing up and she'd have to accept it. She should know because she put me through it.


And no one deserves to live that way.

Notes

Hellooooo. enjoy. :)