Break Me

We lay in each others arms for a little more than an hour after we're finished. Andy plays with my hair and tells me all the things he wishes for the future. I listen sleepily, content in the place I'm in. I didn't think it was possible to feel for someone the way I feel for him. I'm almost afraid that this is a dream. That I'll wake up in the same place that I was before I met him. That he'll dissappear. That I'll go back to the messed up, hopeless person that I was. I push that thought into the back of mind. I don't want to think anything negative now.
"So, when do we leave? And where do we go?" I ask him, playing with the little hair he has on his chest.
"Well, I managed to get a little more than two grand from the stuff I pawned off. Hopefully that will take us far away. Somewhere we can both start over." He smiles at the thought. Man, that smile. "We should get ready to go. We can catch a bus somewhere. I need to get my stuff together, and we should probably get a few things from your dorm room too."
I let out a long groan. I don't want to move. I feel like I could lay with him forever, but I know he's right. We get dressed and I run a comb through my hair. He packs a few things in a duffle bag. A few pairs of clothes, toiletries, a few books and some food. I leave my phone in the apartment. I'm not bringing it with me in fear that Jace will track us down. He locks the apartment up and drops the keys in the office drop box with a note stating he's moving out. We leave and begin the long walk to my dorm room.
The thought crosses my mind that Jace could show up while we're getting my things. I shake a little, but push through the fear and continue walking. Andy grabs onto my hand and I smile up at him. I'm so grateful for him.
We get to my dorm building and go to my room. I unlock the door and turn on a lamp on my old night stand. I begin to gather things my suitcase. I don't bring much, eager to leave most of my old life behind me. After everything is gathered we leave quickly, hoping to avoid running into Jace.
We reach the bus station and get two tickets to Colorado Springs. The bus won't arrive until morning, so we get a motel room for the night. I shower and change into pajamas, and we cuddle on the bed and watch horror movies. Before I know it, I'm sleeping peacefully in Andy's arms.
I wake to the alarm on Andy's phone going off. It's eight in the morning. The bus will be here in two hours. I shake Andy gently. He rolls over and smiles at me sleepily.
"Good morning my beautiful Bailey. How did you sleep?" He asks me.
"Really good." I reply. He yawns and stretches. He looks at me excitedly, and jumps up to get ready.
He showers and gets dressed, and we grab breakfast in the lobby of the motel. After we eat we walk back to the bus station and wait for the bus to arrive. I must have fallen asleep, because Andy starts to shake me awake, letting me know that the bus is there.
When we board, I feel myself becoming anxious. Leaving behind everything I've ever known with someone I just met sounds crazy. I start to feel doubt creep over me like water, pulling me in slowly.
Does he mean what he says, or am I just easy to play?
The thought makes my chest tighten, making it difficult for me to catch my breath. My heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest. I pinch my wrist, trying to distract myself from my panic. I begin to sweat, and I try to wipe it away, but new beads form on my face almost as soon as I wipe away the old ones. Andy gives me a quizzical look, grabbing my hand softly.
"Are you alright?" He ask, stroking my skin with his fingers. I nod my head and avert my gaze to the window. My hands are shaking, so I tuck them underneath my legs so Andy can't see them. He seems so excited, and I don't want to ruin his mood with doubts.
I really hope I'm just being paranoid, but I can't shake this feeling.
Four hours later and we arrive in Wyoming for a short stop. The town is small. I get off the bus and use the restroom. After I'm finished I stretch my legs and breathe in the fresh air. I notice that Andy wasn't anywhere in sight. I look for him in the small gas station we stopped at, but I can't find him anywhere.
I get back on the bus, expecting to see him there. But he's not in his seat. In his place is a folded up piece of notebook paper. I read it with trembling hands.
Bailey,
I'm sorry it had to be like this. I needed a reason to leave town. To start over. I thought we would work out, but you're just too needy. I can't constantly be looking out for you, it's too stressful. Again, I'm sorry. This was the best way to end this. I hope you find what you're looking for, and I hope you do okay. I left three hundred dollars in the pocket of your duffle bag. Thanks for the good time. Good luck.
Andy.
I clutch the note tightly in my grip. I knew it was too good to be true. He's left me. I'm just a waste of time. Jace was right. No one else could love me. I'm nothing but a burden.
I flop down in my seat, defeated. What do I do now?
I guess it's time to follow through with what I should have done a long time ago. Andy was just a setback, but it's time to finish what I started. When I get to Colorado Springs, I'll make damn sure I get it right this time.

Notes