Family Is Forever
I Can't Love You Right Now
CC, Ashley, and I were teaching Dakota and Jade some new tricks. It’s been a few weeks and they were talking about starting a band. Sam was with Andy. I could tell CC was falling for Jade. She may be a b*tch at times but it’s understandable. It’s hard to let your guard down if you’ve kept it up for a long time. Unfortunately CC might have a little bit of competition with Jinxx. I hope it didn’t tear those two part as friends.
We had show tonight so we stopped ‘band school’ for the day. CC came up with the name. I put on my warpaint and Jade came in. She wore a red BVB t-shirt with black skinny jeans. She wore her classic combat boots with her bvb dog tags. Her red and black hair in a side french braid. She looked at me with an overly big smile. She rarely smiles and when I looked at her she fluttered her eyes. Oh boy, “Your smiling and that’s almost never good. What do you want?”
She gasped and put her hand over her heart but then smirked. “You know me too well. Can you please do my warpaint?”
I looked at her, shocked, “Did you just say p-“
She sighed, “Yes, I did.” Her voice dripping with impatience which causes me to laugh.
“I need to get you a box of patience for Christmas.” I grab my war paint and do her face like mine was at first. Then an inverted cross and the stitch on the left. “Your ready.”
“Thanks Jake.” I nodded and she went out.
What happened to me. I never fell in love. If I did it was just a fling. It was never forever. I thought love was for the weak. Oh who am I kidding. The only person I ever truly loved was Jake. He kept me sane when I thought my world was falling apart. He kept me grounded when I would go off. He was the only boy who had ever seen me cry until Ashley.
Sam told me earlier that she thinks she likes Andy, and I realize I might like CC or Jinxx. My life has been hit by a love tornado right now, and I don’t like the change.
We followed the boys around the venue and hung out back stage while they did sound check. I caught CC’s eye and quickly looked away. “Don’t fight it.”
I looked at Dakota. “And what do you think I’m fighting?”
She looked me in the eye. “Love. I know you Jade. You like him but your afra-“
“What am I afraid of?”
“Loosing him like you did Jake.” I glanced at her and sighed. She was right. “Jade give a try, go for him.”
“I wish it were that easy Kota. I like CC but I might like Jinxx. I hate that I can’t make up my mind, that I can’t chose.”
“You’ll figure it out.” She was looking at Ashley not me.
I smirk. “I think it’s my turn to point out that you like him don’t you Kota?” She looked away and blushed majorly.
She looked at me with her haw dropped. “I do no-“
Sam cut her off. “Don’t lie to us. You do too.” Dakota sighed. She looked at Ashley then back at us.
“Maybe a little. I’m gonna go get us some coffee I’ll be back.” She got up and left me with a smirking Sam.
“Go on say it Sam. I’ll just put you in a headlock.”
As soon as I said that high heels clack into our direction and then stopped. Jasmine Young was in front of us. “Well, you haven’t changed a bit now have you Jadelyn.” Her thick New York accent was annoying. Sam and I weren’t paying attention to her though. Behind her was my ex and Dally. I thought Darren was locked up for life. He killed his parents for gods sake. How is he out?
I looked behind us and the boys weren’t there. I stood up tall. “What the h*ll do you want?”
Darren smirked at me, “It looks like Jade has gone a bit so-“ I grabbed his wrist and bended it back.
“Shut up right f*cking now, I haven’t gone soft. It’s called relaxing a bit. Maybe you should try it sometime you seem a little tense there Darren.”
He shut up and Sam was having a star off with Dally. “How do you know I was even here in California?”
He shook his head, “Wasn’t easy sis. I knew you went to California. Let’s say I did some snooping in your room. I just had to figure out where the h*ll in California you were. I eventually found you after searching each orphanage. I waited and they adopted you. Been following you for a while.”
Sam cut him off from saying anything else. “You should know better than to go into my room let alone go through my stuff. Second, What the bloody h*ll do you want?”
“We need you back Sammy.”
“Correction, you think you need me back but you don’t. I told you this in the d*mn email! We now finally have a shot at a sliver of happiness and you are not going to take that away from me you b**tard. So go back to New York, forget about me, get drunk, and f*ck some blonde b*tchy a** wh*re!”
I turned on my heels and started to walk away but Dally grabbed my hand. “No. I need you d*mn it.”
I turned around and glared at him I looked down and his hand and then back at his icy blue eyes. “Let go of me now, before I murder you.”
“No.” He was getting nervous I could see it in his eyes. I flipped him and Jade knocked Darren out. Dakota walked in and gasped.
Dally hurt Kota. He was drunk and went off on her. Scared her bad too. All because I ket hanging out with her. That’s why I fought with him before we left. Dally pinned me when I wasn’t paying attention.
“Dally get the f*ck off of me now or d*mn it I’ll scream bloody f*cking murder.”
I waited and he didn’t move a muscle. So, I screamed. He rolled off of me and held his ears. The guys rushed in.
Andy helped me up and CC had Jade. “What the-oh.”
“I knew this would happen sooner or later Andy.”
Security came in and got Dally, Darren, and Jasmine. We went to the bus and I grabbed a bottle of beer downing it in seconds.
Andy came up to me and took the second bottle out of my hands. “Taking my beer from me is dangerous.”
He smirked and sat down next to me. “I don’t think you’d hurt me. What happened to make you scream like that?” I explained the whole thing. The reason why I fought with my brother before we left, what happened with Jade and Darren.
“I don’t ever want to go back to that. It scarred me badly. I don’t want to be hurt anymore Andy. I thought I would never have to see them again. I guess deep down I knew Dally would be looking for me.” I was shaking and I wanted badly to run, do something to take my mind off of this.
I grabbed my bottle back and motioned for him to follow me to the rec room. I grabbed a guitar and he joined in with me singing Savior. The lyrics spoke to me and filled me with hope. It reminded me that I wasn’t alone. They would never give up on me even if I gave up on myself.
I smiled when we finished and looked at him. I liked him but I didn’t know if he liked me. Love was confusing as all h*ll sometimes. Before I could say something he kissed me. I was shocked but leaned into it. Even though I hated to I broke it and gave a sad sigh.
“Andy, I can’t. Not yet at least. D*mn it I love you but not right now. In New York emotions were a weakness, especially love. I’m trying to thaw out. I’ve frozen out any emotion possible except anger and at the rare expect ion of sadness. Please under-“
“Sam, it’s fine. I’m not going to push you. You say not right now, I’ll gladly wait.”
I smile and look at him in the eyes. His bright blue eyes were almost enough to make me melt. “Thank you. No one has done that. I’m so used to being pushed that I expected it almost. I’ve never told anyone this and I mean it right now, I trust you with my life.”
-the next day-
Sam was broken and she was hurting. I want so bad to show her that she's worth it. To put back together the pieces of her left lying on the ground. I just don’t know how. When we sang Savior together I could tell it meant so much to her. She told me how much it stopped her from cutting at times.
The kiss though. I didn’t realize I was going to kiss her until I did. I loved her and I wanted her to be mine. I meant what I said though. She didn’t want love right now, I would wait for her. At least I know she loves me. That’s all I need.
The show last night was awesome. There wasn’t a single problem, thank god. The girls didn’t need that anymore. They left for a good reason.
I was alone and watching Batman. The others all went shopping and I chose to stay here. I wanted to think but wound up watching Batman.
The door to the bus opened and a panting Sam rushed in almost slamming the door. “D*mn it!”
“The h*ll happened?” She smiled in response.
“I may or may not have been in a fight and the cops were called so I ran. And I may or may not have been in that fight with Dally and Jasmine.”
I shook my head and paused the movie. “Really Sam?”
“They p*ssed me off so they got what was coming to them. I also may or may not have knocked Jazzy out with a kick to the head.”
“Sammantha Pitts y-“
“I like that name. Much better than Winston.” She fluttered eyes and had an innocent look on her face. “Anyways, you were saying something?”
“Your not supposed to fight Samma-“
“Don’t call me that. I’ll tell you why later just please?”
I nod and continue. “You need to control your anger. Walk away next time okay?” She nodded and sat down.
“Dally struck a nerve thats why I got angry. He talked about my mother. He knew it would set me off too. He sa-never mind.”
I pulled her into a hug. “You can tell me anything.”
“He said she would have disowned me if she was here, because all I know is to run away from my problems when possible. That she would agree I was an idiotic b*tchy wh*re. My mom meant the world to me. She’s the only one that I would let call me Sammantha. It was her own name for me in a way and no one has ever been allowed to call me by my full name since she died.” Tears were started to pool around her eyes but she wiped them quickly away. “I can’t help but look at the choices I’ve made and think he’s ri-“
I cut her off immediately. “He’s wrong! You are not an idiot. You-“ Her stare cut me off.
“We both know I can me the queen of b*tches at times.”
I sighed, “At times yes you can a b*tch, but you certainly are not a wh*re.” Just as I thought she got up and went to the bunk area. I didn’t follow her though because I was scared at what she might do. Despite myself I got up to make sure she wouldn’t do anything stupid. I opened the curtain that separating her from the world while she in her bunk.
She was drawing a horse fully prepared to be ridden. “What do you want Andy?”
“Just to make sure your not doing anything stupid. I don’t want to see you hurting.”
“Well, I am. I always will and no one can help with the hurt I feel. I have too much pent up feelings. I stuff them down and pretend not to feel anything. I’ve stuffed it all down so much, I’m afraid. There will be a day that someone pushes me too far. When that happens the walls I’ve built up will crumble down and a flood will drown me. That flood will probably wind up making me do something. I’l crack and those closet to me will be hurt, I don’t want that Andy. So, yes I take it out on myself. 80 percent of the bones I’ve broken was on purpose. All the stab wounds and gun shot wounds were my fault because I would drive a fight to that extent. I scare myself sometimes Andy. What if I hurt one of you I couldn’t handle doing that. I’m gonna go run call me when they come back.”
Before I could say anything she was gone with her purple and black striped mp3.
I’m at a bar with a blonde all over me. I get up spilling her to the floor. I realize that I don’t want this anymore. It gotten monotonous and boring. “Ashley!” Her voice was dripping with fake hurt.
“I’m done Hannah. No more.” I payed and walked out running into Sam. I caught her before she could fall.
“Thanks Ash. Glad I ran into you I want to talk to you ‘bout something.” I wonder if it’s about Dakota.
We started walking and I elbowed her gently. “What’d you want to talk about Sammy?”
“Don’t bother lying,” I opened my mouth but she held up a hand. “Let me finish. Do you like Dakota?”
We had stopped walking and she was looking me in the eye. I knew it was no use. “No I don’t.”
“Ash…” She looked at me with the look. The look that would make anyone tell the truth…except me.
“I’m not lying Sam, I don’t like her.”
“Ashley. She likes you okay. Try taking her out next time we stop. Do something alone with her but if you get her drunk and do anything to her and I find out. I will give you a painful death.” I could here the seriousness under her playful tone.
“How ‘bout we go back to the bus.”
She smirked deviously. “Catch me if you can.” She turned around and ran, I was hot on her heels. I was just about to grab her shirt when she sprinted.
“D*mn girl.” I slowed down and she laughed. “We need to take away your privilege of Monster.”
She faked a hurt gasp, “Ashley Purdy! I will cut a b*tch you take away my Monster.”
We were walking into the bus and walked in. We walked past the bunks and into the rec room. I grabbed my prize bass guitar while she got her own guitar.
“Perfect Weapon?” I nodded and we got CC in here. We rocked out to many other songs. Jade and Dakota joined in as well. We had fun.
Thank you to those who have read I celebrated my birthday yesterday and I am now 14!!! YAY!
I need you to tell me who you want Jade to be with. I can set her with CC or with Jinxx. Although someone else might steal her heart before she realizes who she really wants to be with. I truly want her to be with Jinxx to be honest but I want your guys opinion. And I need some couple names too.
Dakota obviously like Ashley so who can come up with an awesome name anyone?
And then Jade with CC or Jade with Jinxx? Any couple names?
And Sam with Andy? Any names out there for them?
I will love you forever as a friend if you help me out!!
Thank you so much for reading and I plan to update soon!