Unbreakable

I’m dancing around my loft, trying to figure out what the hell i’m going to do for that stupid dance competition that Gram signed me up for, but nothing is working. I’m not as flexible as I used to be thanks to arthritis, and nothing is really flowing. I dance like I sing and play, full of emotion. I can’t find any, and it’s pissing me off. I hate the Lyrical category, I’m better at jazz, or hip-hop.

I hit “play” on the remote again, and try to find something, anything to draw something out. I start by stepping with my right foot, and pirouette on it. I lift my arms above my head, and leap into the air. I land on my left foot, roll back up, and spin again. “This isn’t working.” I sigh angrily.

“I thought it was beautiful.” I look up, and see Stephen leaning on the railing.

“Stephen. I thought you were with them.” I say to the floor. They all went to our house, and i went here so I could practice.

“I told them that I would be over later.” He explains. “Now, do you want to tell me what’s not working?” He asks as he descends the stair case.

“This whole dance thing.” I sulk. “Gram put me in the lyrical category, and I’ve been trying, and trying, but I’m not feeling anything.”

He ponders this for a second. “Remember that one that you did? The guy had a high nasally voice, and you were flexible.”

I think back to my previous dance competitions. “You mean the Ballet routine to “Stay Away From My Friends”?”

“Yeah that one! Remember how you would practice that one till you bled, and you would cry because of how much emotion you put into it?”

“I bled because I was standing on my tiptoes, on a wooden block, and it was while that fucking asshole that I had as a boyfriend had just slept with my friend.” I say through gritted teeth.
“Oh yeah…” Stephen remembers. “Anyway, why don’t you dance that one right now, and then maybe that will trigger something.” Yeah like suicide. I nod, and put on my pointe shoes. I stand in the middle of the room, and nod at my brother to start the music. The simple piano part echoes through my loft, and I slowly turn on my toes. This hurts really bad, but the lyrics start, and memories flood back.

“Lace…”

“Don’t Lace, me! I can’t believe you slept with my best friend!” I yell. Tears threaten to spill over, but he is not going to see me cry.

“Lace she forced me to.” Aiden lies.

“How can she force you to shove your dick into her aids infested cunt?”

“She forced herself onto me, what was I supposed to do?”

“Say no I have a girlfriend!” I exclaim.

“She’s just as much to blame as I am, and I don’t see you yelling at her!”

“I don’t have to. She’s already told me that she wants nothing to do with me. “ I spit.

“Well maybe I do too!”

“Good.” I say, my voice dripping with venom. “I am so done with you.”

“I’ve been done for a while. I don’t even know why I waste my time with someone as worthless as you.” He rips the door open. “Maybe you should cut a bit deeper this time.” And with that he slams the door.

I end on the floor, with my hand placed delicately on my forehead. Stephen sits down in front of me, and wipes a tear off of my face. “That was beautiful.” He says gently.

“Thank you.” I choke.

“Are you going to be okay?”

I nod, and wipe another tear away. “I know what song I’m going to do now.”

“And what’s that?” He brushes a strand of hair out of my face.
“Savior.” I tell him.

“I don’t think I know that one.”

“Do you want to hear it?” I ask.

“I would love to.” I help him up, and he sits on the couch. I pull off my shoes, and look at my bloody, bruised feet. I find “Savior” on my Ipod, and hit play. The beautiful guitar part washes over me, and I start to dance. I close my eyes, and see Ashley holding me in his arms, and I see Ronnie taking a blade out of my hand. I see Stephen walking with me during physical therapy, and Andy rocking me back and forth after my phone call with Vanessa.

Without these people, I wouldn’t be here right now. The music gets more intense, and so does my dancing. Andy screams, and my body mimes it. I feel so much feeling coursing through my veins. I feel alive. “I will fight, for you!” I stand there breathing heavily. Stephen stands up, and starts clapping.

“There it is.” He smiles. “You’re going to win that thing if you dance like that.”

“I don’t want to win. I just want to dance.”

“You never change.” He wraps me up in a hug, and kisses my head. I pull him close to my body, and breath in the essence of my brother.

“I missed you so much.” I say into his chest.

“I missed you too Tummy.” his grip tightens on me. “Woo Tum you need a shower!”

“That’s the smell of hard work and dedication.” I laugh.

“Well that hard work and dedication could use some deodorant.” He teases. We stand there, and laugh until our sides get sore. “Come on, we should go to your house.” I smile, and pack my stuff. We leave the apartment hand in hand like we have so many times before.

Notes