“A whole new world!” I sing along with the mini Jazmine on my laptop. “A dazzling place I never knew!”

Ashley chuckles, and kisses my head. “You’re so cute,” I continue smiling and singing along to the movie. “Holy crap, it’s 6:30!”

“No way,” I look over at the digital clock on the nightstand, 6:30. Ashley and I have been watching Disney movies for nine hours. “Ash babe you need to sleep. You have a show to do in fifteen hours.” I shut the laptop, and gently push Ashley out of a sitting position.

Ashley looks up at me with his soft eyes, “You need to sleep too Rose.”

“No, i need to make sure everything is by stage 7 at 3”30,” I try to get out of bed, but Ashley’s strong grip on my wrist hauls me back down.

“John and the roadies know what they're doing; you don’t have to babysit them.” I start to protest, but AShley just pulls me into his chest. “Lace, you need to sleep. Your stress levels can’t get as high as they did last year. I don’t want to see you go through depression again. You don’t deserve that.”

“Ash, it’s not going to come back,” I assure him.

“Please,” His voice softens, and he looks into my eyes. “Please sleep, for me.” His quiet plea makes something stir inside me. I can see sadness in his eyes. Does depression hurt the people around me as well?

The thought of hurting Ashley makes me give in. “I’ll try.”

He smiles at me, and kisses my forehead again. The sadness in his eyes is still there. “Thank you darlin’” his drawl comes out more, making me melt. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I reply, cuddling into a cocoon of chest and biceps. Ashley sighs and puts his chin on top of my head. He’s asleep within minutes.

I on the other hand, have an awful case of insomnia. Nights like that aren’t uncommon for me. I spend most of my nights working because sleep won’t come. Ashley will either go downstairs to get me, or he will find me asleep on my laptop in the morning. He never wakes me.

As hard as I try to fall asleep now, I can’t. I try to meditate, I try counting sheep, I try writing dream on a piece of paper until the pen runs out of ink; nothing. It’s been three hours, and I doubt I’m going to fall asleep.

I grab my phone off of the nightstand, and text John about the trailers with our stuff. I scroll through my emails while i wait. I open up the one from Eddie. He’s the guy who runs the Karang tour.

Hello Laci, just making sure that you have everything you need for this summer’s tour. You said that you would take care of transportation and housing yes? Anyway, I am so excited to meet you and the rest of the group, get back to me when you can, Eddie.

I send him a quick email that confirms all of his questions. I can’t wait to go tour and not be in charge. I’m only doing lights and sound for BVB. It should be relaxing right? Wrong. My control freak/ manager side will probably come out to get me. Oh well…

I go on pinterest to kill more time. Then I take a selfie of Ashley and me to put on instagram. I’m bored enough to be a white girl. Fuck.

The clock now reads 1:34, so i use my super stealthy get-out-of Ashley’s arms-technique, and get in the shower.

I wash off all of my makeup. My scars are now visible. I think about that fateful night when I lost my parents. I can feel a phantom image of the flames on my skin. I’d take that over seeing the scars that I put on myself.

It pains me to see the straight lines that cover my thighs and forearms. The feelings behind all of them are feelings that I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to feel. Those feelings of worthlessness, anger, and agony now have a permanent place on my body. But I don’t regret it. Those feelings and these scars have shaped me into the happy and successful person I am today.

I finish showering, and step out into the super foggy room. The fluffy white towel feels so nice against my skin. Call me crazy, but I really appreciate soft towels.

I wipe off the mirror to reveal my scarred face. I sigh, and look at the floor. “It’s nice to see you without your makeup,” I see Ashley leaning in the doorframe, sleep still in his eyes.

“Did I wake you?”

“No, it’s like two now; I was going to wake up eventually.” He crosses over to me, placing an arm around my waist to pull me close, and a hand on my face. “You’re so beautiful.” His thumb traces the scars that the fire left on my face. I can’t help but look away. “Hey,” He pulls my face up, and places a feather light kiss on my lips. “I love you.”

A small smirk creeps onto my face. “I love you too Cowboy.”

“Now,” His hand slides down to my ass, “what do you say we jump into the shower, and head out for some lunch?”

I give him a devil may care smile, and wrap my legs around him. “I say, what are we waiting for?” Ashley gives me a sexy look before kissing all of my insecurities away.

Notes

Sorry it's crappy, but I needed to update. Thanks for reading loves!