Private school

I know what it is like to lay dying now. I always thought romance novels over stated it that all you think about is how you wanna hold her and how it seems you don't have enough time or how you see it coming, but they don't. Honestly all I want right now is to hold Camryns hand.

i think about how her blonde hair had simmered in the summer sun or how her eyes lit up the dark july midnight that night in the back of my car. Amnesia was supposed to help me forget about her. She was supposed to make not want to be around camryn.

But now I know I was born to marry the girl I needed but I fucked up so bad. I should have stayed. I should have just been friends. But I couldn't leave amnesia alone. Taylor was going to kill me and I wouldn't even be able to say I loved cam.

the sirens blared in the background but it was to late for me.
they say your life flashes before your eyes when you die and I never believed that. I suppose in a way it does. I can see how awful I've been. Screwing amnesia for no real reason. Teaming up with Taylor.

Cheating on camryn. Endless useless fights. I've beaten people to the brink of death with no reason to do it. Drinking. Drugs. Lying. Threats. If anyone were to go to hell in the end it would be me.
i heard Andy let out a sob. I wanted to cry for myself since I had no one left but I couldn't. I wouldn't even mourn my own death.

"the chemicals will bring her home again." I gasped trying to reassure him.
i thought about how stupid this was. My life had just begun. I was just lit. I was a match thrown into water. Pointless. For every boy and girl who cried at a loss of a parent I envied them. Crying because they knew the souls were in heaven. I wanted to say I was certain I knew what was coming but I wasn't. I couldn't know.

i was religious and went to church every sunday. I knew how to pray. I could resite passages of the bible. I didn't know if death was the end.
thats the terrifying thing I suppose. not knowing if there was a next chapter.
my vision started to blur.

i always wanted to do something good. Maybe play in a band. Save a few lives. Fall in actual love. Have life changeing discussions. Have a pet turtle maybe. Maybe in whatever's next I will.

"they'll do it to you too." I heard andy respond. Its only been a few seconds

"me, no. I couldn't spend another night in this place." I took a deep slow breathe.
forever I was going to be just a messed up boy who died doing the wrong thing. I could fix that in a matter of words. I just needed Andy to listen

"hey when its over send a letter to 1435 place well drive 3450 satin hills California. Tell Camryn Lucien that I love her. Tell my mom I still went to church till the end." I wheezed out. "And most importantly if I'm a match and she needs it give amnesia my organs." I was dying slower now or maybe time was just moving slower now. "Also make that Bitch Taylor Pay."

my breathe sped up time went to fast. I started to convulse. This was the end.

no I wasn't ready to die. I needed mor-

Notes

We die in the middle of a sentence.
i wrote tonys first appearance feels right I write his last

<3 Bittersweet Symphony.