My parents had been brutal today. I'm not sure what it was but I was now covered in bruises. My head was pounding. None of that mattered though. My friend gave me her concert ticket to see BVB because she knew I couldn't buy one and she didn't want me to be home. I appreciated that. I will forever be indebted to her.

I was standing outside freezing while I smoked a cigarette. I was near the rear entrance to the venue. I hadn't had time to grab a jacket as I left for fear of running into my parents. The back door opened and a man walked out. I didn't look up to see his face but by the way he walked I could tell he was a man.

I was now walking in place occasionally jumping to keep myself warm. The man was coming back so I stop acting like a circus act and stood still dragging on my cigarette. "Hey,"
a familiar voice said. I looked up into the eyes of Ash Purdy and blanched. OMG! I just smiled at him. "Hi." I managed I was focused on keeping my body warm. Ashley stepped closer to me and pulled me into a hug. I tossed the cigarette and slid my arms under his leather jacket so I could suck all of his warmth through my skin. I moaned into the hug making him laugh. "I'm sorry. I
m really fucking cold." I told him. Ashley smiled at me and opened the back door. "Come on." he said. I walked threw the door and turned to look at him come in. I was shaking again but it was warm in here so I was okay for now.

Ashley took me to the dressing room knocking first so none of the guys were naked when I came in. Andy was lounging on a bean bag chair in tight pants, no shirt. Jinxx and Jake looked like they were playing a game and CC was sitting by himself watching the other guys. CC stood up when he saw me and gave me a hug. I giggled and winced. It was cute but that really hurt. CC touched my face making my wince and pull away from him. "How'd this happen?" he asked as sad and angry emotions crossed over his face.

I sighed and gave him to story I always give everyone. "I walked into a door." I said looking away from the prodding gazes. I happened to look over at Andy how stood up. "Bull shit. Who the hell hit you?" he demanded. He sounded so angry I shrunk away from him. I wanted to run and hide somewhere. Ashley put his hand up to Andy and placed the other hand on my shoulder. He bent down to my level and asked me nicely, "What really happened, babygirl?" I shifted my weight from foot to foot unsure how to answer without saying my parents but I couldn't think of an excuse. I told him the truth, "My parents happened." I said void of all emotion. Ashley looked like he was going to cry. Andy was huffing and puffing like he was about to explode. CC hugged me and the other two stayed quiet I guess they weren't sure how to process the situation.

---

The boys had to go on stage so I was left in the dressing room. I could hear the music back here and that was fine with me. I pulled out my razor and pulled up the hem of my shirt. I sliced into the soft skin on my belly as I recalled what my parents did to me.

I had just got home from school. I hadn't expected my parents to be home and had been careless about it. I walked through the house without taking my shoes off at the door while singing King for a day by PTV ft Kellin Quinn. I tossed my backpack at my bed and it made a thump noise when it missed and fell to the floor. thats when I heard them. They slammed open another door in the house and stomped all the way to my room. I tossed my shoes in my closet and stuffed my headphones and ipod in a drawer so it wouldn't get broken. I already knew what was coming. I hadn't been considerate. My dad barged into my room. I could already smell the alcohol on him. It was obviously not a good day. My mom came next screaming at me at how I never do this or that and how I'm so inconsiderate of the other people in this house.

My mom grabbed my hair while my dad beat the shit out of me. If the bitch didn't have a hold on me I could've fought my way out. unfortunately thats not how it happened. I had blood dripping down my face when he finally stopped. I could barely breathe. I went to my bathroom and straightened my nose yelping in pain, broken. I put a tampon in each nostril and packed a bunch more in my bag. I took a strip and put it on my nose. They're supposed to open up the air passageways in your nose when you sleep but I was using it to keep my nose in the right place so it didn't heal crooked. that's when I went to my best friend's house to get away from it all.

I had found some paper towels in the dressing room and used them to keep from dripping blood everywhere. My fresh cuts had clotted and I threw out the paper towels just before the guys came back in. they told me I had to get out because they needed to change. I nodded and stood outside the door. Ashley came out first. He put his leather jacket on my shoulders as we walked outside. "we're gonna take my bike back to the hotel and I want you to stay with me tonight. I don't want you to have to go home to that." he said brushing a hair out of my face. I nodded. I wanted to cry. This man, my idol wanted to help me so badly and all he could give me was one night. What was the point in living if no one could actually help me?

I got on the back of his bike. He took us to a Hilton hotel. It wasn't far from my friend's house. If I had known they were staying here I would have staked the place out. He brought me to his room. I looked around the suit making myself at home. Ashley went to take a shower so I had a few moments by myself to check the place out. I went out to the balcony and looked down at the ground. It was pretty far down. I'm sure because my body is so frail that I would definitely die if I jumped. I leaned over as far as I dared. Could I do? yes, but would I? I wasn't sure. I needed to talk to my bestie. I used the rooms phone to call her cell phone. "Hey, babe!" I said into the line. "AH! you're alive! was it fun? are you on your way home?" she asked. "Well I met the band and I'm with Ashley at the Hilton." she screamed on the other end of the phone and I had to hold the phone away from my head. "yeah anyway, I'm not coming back tonight. I love you!" I told her. "I love you more!" "To infinity." I stated "And beyond!!!!"She yelled back. I hung up the phone and turned around to an Ashley in only a towel.

"Well, hello!" I said. Ashley smiled at me and sat on the bed. He patted the space next to him. I ran and jumped onto the bed next to him. Ashley started asking me questions about what had happened. I told him everything. He sighed in frustration and touched my face so gently it felt like a feather on my skin. I smiled at him. My heart fluttered a little when he smiled back at me. He leaned in and kissed my black eye. I sighed. I was happy for the moment. He went to kiss my nose but I stopped him. "broken." I said not wanting to feel that pain again. He nodded and went to kiss another bruise on my face. His one hand was behind my head for support and the other was playing with my hair. I watched him carefully. You can't blame me for being wary or suspicious. My own parents were questionable.

Ashley shifted his position and touched my shirt looking in my eyes to make sure it was okay. I bit my lip and nodded at him. I wanted him to see. He touched the fresh scab on my skin and looked at me for an explanation. "you were on stage." I said. I didn't give him the initial reason which was because I hate being alone. I am terrified of what lies in a dark room when I have to face it myself. I'm not strong. Ashley's gentle fingers touched every scar and scab on my tummy before he removed my shirt. I looked down at myself and looked away from my body. I found Ashley's warm eyes and held his gaze. The emotion on his face never wavered. I wasn't sure what it was. No one has ever showed me this emotion before. It was like warmth, safety, home... the only person I had ever felt that for was my best friend. did I love him? i don't know. Was the emotion on his face really love or was he hiding another emotion beneath the surface. I wasn't sure.

Ashley over turned my arms and saw the overlapping scars that cover my arms from wrist to shoulder. He kissed the inside of my wrist and trailed more up the length of my arm. He did the same to my other arm. Ashley put both of his hands on my shoulders. I looked directly in his eyes as he slid his hands to my chest. He cupped my breasts in his hands gently never breaking my gaze. I guess he wanted me to know that he wasn't going to hurt me. I believed that he would never mean to hurt me if he did. He followed the fabric of my bra around to the back where it clipped. He took the contraption off of me and tossed it to the floor. I sighed in pleasure when he touched my boobs again. He had began to massage my nipples.

Ash looked at me and leaned in. He pressed his lips to mine briefly. I placed a hand on his cheek startling him and pulled his lips back to mine. I wanted this. I wanted him. I deepened the kiss and he had to pull away. "No, sweetie. I want to take this slow. I don't want to hurt you in anyway or make you feel unloved." he explained. I whimpered and blushed looking away from him. Ashley lifted my chin and I met his gaze. He pressed his lips to mine again for a long while before pulling away. Ash motioned for me to lay back against the pillows. He stood and refastened his towel around his waist before he crawled over to me. He hovered above me.

I watched him slowly unzip my skinny jeans and pull them off. I blushed bright pink. Ash leaned forward and kissed my cheeks. "you are so beautiful." he said making my blush deepen. I was sure I looked like a sliced tomato but apparently I was beautiful. He hadn't taken my underwear off. "If you are okay with it I want you to touch me. explore my body so it's not so scary." he said. I swear it's like he could read my most inner thoughts. I hadn't really moved to touch him at all because I was terrified he would hit me. Ashley laid down next to me. I turned and propped my head up with my one hand. With my free hand I traced the contours of his body.I started with his face. I traced the shape of his eyes and nose, his mouth which I then kissed sweetly. He smiled at me. I traced a vein in his neck to his shoulder and followed it to a pectoral muscle. I traced his muscles and ribs. My hand circled his belly button and followed the V on his lower stomach to the towel that was now in my way. I looked up at Ashley. I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to strip him of the towel? He nodded at me. I moved and sat up . My hands started to shake. I don't know why I was shaking I've seen my dad before but that was different he angrily assaulted me. I was touching a man who I was going to let take me.

This was way different. I tugged on where Ash had tucked the towel into itself and pulled it free. I moved and went to take the towel from under Ashley but he moved startling me. I jumped back away from him. He looked at me startled by my sudden reaction. "Sorry. I was just going to help you move the towel." he explained. I nodded seriously. He went to touch me and I froze. I wasn't sure If I was ready for this yet. He put his hands behind his head to show me he wasn't going to touch me. I eyed him carefully before I dared to move. I moved more slowly now that he had startled me and I constantly looked up at his face waiting for him to get mad but he didn't. I slowly started to trust him again. I looked away from his face to his newly exposed flesh. I touched his legs running my fingers from his toes to his thigh.

When I had no new flesh to touch other than his penis I looked up at him. He nodded expectantly his hands still behind his head. I took him in my hand and felt the silky skin in my hand. I pumped him a few times because I knew thats what you were supposed to do right? I wasn't sure. I looked at Ashley again who had pleasure written all over his face. I watched him as I pumped my hand up and down a few more times. He moaned quietly. I smiled at him proud of myself that I could make him feel like that.. ME! I did that!

Ashley smiled back at me. "Go ahead, princess." he said encouragingly. I continued with my hand until he was rock solid. I looked up at him and It looked like it took everything for him not to plow into me. I bit my lip and crawled up to him. I kissed him sweetly before I said, "I want you to take me." Ashley silently asked for confirmation. When I nodded he flipped over on top of me. Ashley pulled my underwear off and tossed them to the side. He kissed me while he positioned himself. We made love that night... and it was the sweetest moment. It was like time stopped and God himself gave me the one thing I had never got from another person, love.

I knew that once it was over life would keep going. Ashley woke me up in the morning and said he and the guys had to get going they had to get to a different city by night fall. He kissed me and left me in the room. I was devastated. He didn't ask for his shirt back. the one I wore to bed and I didn't offer to give it up. I was going to die in it. I waited until he left and hid where the maid wouldn't find me. Once the room was cleaned I stepped out onto the balcony and looked down.

One two three... I jumped.

As I fell to my eternal resting place I played the last night in my head. It had been the best day of my life. It was the best way to go. The last thought that entered my conscience mind before I left this plain of existence to another world was "Thank you for showing me love."

Notes

sad, tragic but so romantic and cute! I died writing this! I'm crying! make it stoooop!!