Our Family

I didn't sleep.

I can't sleep.

How could I sleep after what I've done?



Is there something mentally wrong with me? I fucked my dad! Not only that, but I want to do it again! The worst part is when he said "We'll talk in the morning.". Like what the actual hell?! How could he sleep so easily? Is he the reason I'm fucked in the head?!

I feel like I'm suffocating in my thoughts. I'm a horrible person. I fucked my dad and cheated on my boyfriend in the same night.


I just realized something.

I lost my virginity to my dad.



I need fucking help. Therapy, medication, maybe I need to be locked in a cell. There's something so wrong with me.

I slip out of the bed and quietly walk back to my room. I check my alarm clock, it reads 5:14am. I walk into my bathroom and look at my appearance through the mirror. My hair's in knots, my makeup's smeared all over my face, I'm a complete mess.

I decide to take a shower and brush out my hair. Afterwards I put my hair in a Dutch French braid and do my makeup. I slip on one of my new outfits and just sit on my bed for a second.

Does he truly love me like how I love him? Does he want to be with me like I've always dreamt? Will I be able to fall asleep in his arms every night? Will I wake up next to him in the morning to hear his rustic voice? Will any of this happen? Or am I just a fool who's in love with her dad?

What if I'm not even what he wants? What if he's using me as some sort of play toy? What if he doesn't even love me? Did I just let him use me? Am I that desperate for his love?

"Knock, knock." My dad says as he enters my room. His voice is groggy like he just woke up, it sends a warm sensation between my legs.

"Morning." I say leaning on my headboard. I cross my legs cause it feels like I peed myself a little.

"About last night... Lily I didn't want to take it that far," he didn't want to fuck me? Am I not fuckable? What am I saying? "But I'm glad we did. I meant it when I said I love you because I do."

He takes a seat across from me on the bed. "But it's wrong." I say hesitantly.

"I know babygirl, but it just doesn't feel wrong to me. Does it feel wrong to you?"

"No, I loved last night more than anything."

"Good, I love you." He leans in and kisses me softly on the lips.

"I love you too." I kiss him back.

"I'm gonna go take a shower. I would ask you to join me, but you look like you've already had one." He gets up and leaves my room. As soon as I hear the shower turn on, I release a long sigh of relief.

I get up and walk downstairs to the kitchen. I don't want to eat, I just can't eat. I sit on the couch and Crow walks over to me. He sits down on my lap in snuggles into me as he lays down.

Sitting on my lap is an adorable, old, soft cat. A cat who loves with all his heart. An innocent being with a clear mind. Under this being is a disgusting, animal who committed an act of incest last night. A creature who lost her innocence to her dad and wants to fuck him even more. I am filth and yet this little ball of perfection still chooses to love me. He does not see hate, only love, and knows how to send love to anyone who's in need of some.

The doorbell goes off bringing me back to reality. I pick up Crow and walk over to the door. I open the door and my uncle Ashley walks in.

"Nice outfit Lils." He says with a wink. I roll my eyes and shut the door.

"Morning Ash, why are you here? It's like 6 o'clock in the morning." I ask.

"I think the real question is; why are you up so early? You sleep like a bear, when you sleep it's like hibernation."

"Okay but why are you here?"

"I need to talk to your dad."

"He probably just got out of the shower, so go ahead." He walks upstairs to my dad's bedroom. I place Crow down on the couch and sneak upstairs to ease drop on their conversation.

"Guess who I saw at two in the morning?" Ashley asks.

"I'm really not sure Ashley, with you it could be anyone." Dad says.

"Scout Taylor Compton."

"Really?"

"Yeah and she's hotter than I remembered. Anyways, she wants to see you man."

"Why?"

"She heard that you and Jules are getting a divorce, she wants you." I walk into my bedroom and fall onto my bed.


I don't have a chance.

Notes

Shout outs:

Saminbvb
kristaclarkk
EmmaFaye_bvb
Courtney bvb forever
Rockcandypanda

http://www.polyvore.com/m/set?.embedder=12178583&.svc=copypaste&id=163637886


Love ya<3