Die for You

Rose's POV:

I left shortly after my sudden realization and took a cab to the closest Shoppers, where I purchased a few different types of pregnancy tests. But when I got back to my hotel, I couldn't find myself able to take any of them, I just wanted to stay in this point in time for as long as possible, where anything could happen, yet nothing was happening.

I mean, I was eighteen, turning nineteen soon but still. I was only a kid, barely old enough to take care of myself, let alone a baby. And Andy? He would constantly be touring and at work, leaving me to handle the child all o my own, if he stayed with me at least. I couldn't ask him to chose between me and his career, between raising a family and pursuing his job, his dream, partially because i already knew is answer. Hell, if I wasn't forced into this, I wouldn't want it either.

Calm down, Rose, you may not even be pregnant.

I felt my insides turn inside of me, and I the desire to harm myself to release this stress returned, stronger than ever. And I gave in to it, rushing to my bathroom and grabbing my razor. In one fluent motion, I used a book to quickly smash the plastic, the glint of metal a friendly reminder of how weak I was. Am.

I picked it up with careful fingers, running the pad of my thumb gently over the rough edge, feeling its familiar bite. I sucked in a quick breath, letting the blade hover over my my scarred arm.

Was I really going to do this? I was a little over a month clean, and if I cut again, i would just be throwing it all out the window. Did I really want to do this? To myself? To Andy? To my potential child?

I glanced at the pregnancy test laying on the counter.

Yes, i realized. I did.

And I slid the blade across my arm.

Notes