My Fallen Angel

"I'm what?" I mumbled, rolling my head in his direction. I felt fuzzy, only half-awake and achy. My lower half was throbbing horribly, and they kept telling me not to move too much.
I didn't like this.
"Pregnant. Three weeks. Can you think of any time you and Andy weren't careful?"
I frowned unhappily, but...
Oh.
"The bus," I mumbled, running my fingers down my face slowly. "When he bit me."
I'd practically ripped his clothes off him that night I'd been so hungry, and I vaguely remembered him mentioning he hadn't had any protection.
Oops.
He'd been supposed to pull out, but... When he'd bitten me that had been the least of our concerns.
Whoopsy.
Ashlandils brows furrowed, and then he sighed as if he remembered what I was talking about. He shook his head, and then snuggled closer to me on the hospital bed. His arm was lightly over my chest, his fingers softly curled into my hair.
I'd missed this part.
I missed snuggling with him.
"I missed it too," he chuckled, pressing a kiss onto my cheek, and I blinked in surprise.
Had I said that out loud?
Whoops.
"You'll be released in a few days," he murmured, stroking my hair in a way that soothed me. "Once they're sure you're not going to start bleeding again."
"Why did I bleed?" I asked, my numb fingers slipping up against his chest. I was lying on my back, slightly elevated, and he was on his side facing me, head propped on his knuckles as he looked at me. He'd always been here when I'd woken up or fallen asleep, and I really appreciated it.
I think Andy had been here once, but I'd been so out of it I wasn't sure if I'd just imagined him or not.
I wasn't sure what was wrong with me.
Why had I bled red?
"I'm not sure," Ashlan sighed, nuzzling my cheek, his face scruffy. "I'm assuming the black veins were attacking your pregnancy, and it was the blood your body was starting to produce for the child you were bleeding out."
What?
"How do you know that?" I blinked slowly at him; was that even possible?
"I made some phone calls to some old acquaintances. That was their theories, anyway."
Oh.
"Andys gonna be so mad," I sighed, staring up at the ceiling, my chest tightening slightly. I didn't want to have a baby, I didn't want to be pregnant; I almost wished the black veins had taken it away, but then I felt horrible for thinking it.
But a child?
I didn't want a child.
I'd come here to protect Andy, not birth his stupid offspring he wasn't even supposed to have with me.
"I messed up," I mumbled, pressing my hands against my face again. "So badly. I Dont Want A Baby."
"You don't have to have one," Ashlandil spoke After a second, his fingers lingering against my cheek. "There are ways now.... Where you can get rid of it."
"Get... Rid of it?"
I could do that?
He nodded, his soft red eyes gazing into mine.
"Yes. Painless all around. You don't have to have it. Andy doesn't even need to know about it."
I frowned thoughtfully.
That would be an easy solution, right?
But no, that didn't seem right.
It didn't seem fair.
Should I even tell him? I mean, Andiel...
If Andiel knew, I was afraid he would Fall for sure, and that wasn't something I wanted. So if I decided to keep it and have it... What did that mean?
I couldn't exactly give it away, could I?
Was that an option?
But what if it had a bad life?
I didn't want that either.
I frowned down at my stomach, almost accusingly.
This wasn't right.
I felt confused.
So confused, and now my head was aching.
"Don't worry about it right now, love," Ashlandil told me, kissing my cheek again, oddly affectionate all of a sudden. "You have a little time before it becomes pressing. You're only three weeks in."
"Good. It makes my head hurt," I think I actually pouted, and his lips twitched. He glanced over as the door suddenly opened, then sat up as a nurse wheeled in a tray, an awful, rancid smell coming off of it.
I curled my nose.
What was IN that thing?
"Hello, Mrs. Purdy. How are you feeling?" the nurse asked lightly, and I just looked at her.
Mrs. Purdy?
My eyes flicked to Ashlandil, seeing his cheeks were tinged red.
Was he embarrassed?
Wait, had he given me his last name?
That was so sweet.
"She's still in a little bit of pain," Ashlandil spoke when I just looked on dumbly, "she mentioned she was aching?"
"That would be the stitches probably," the nurse nodded, her hair in a pretty brown twist. "I'll see if Dr. Berman will allow some more meds to help out," she smiled. "Here's some dinner for you. Only soft foods right now, of course."
"Thanks."
"I'll be back later to collect it."
"I don't want that," I said as soon as the door closed, and Ashlan raised his brows at me.
"You don't even know what it is."
"It smells bad."
"I'm sure it's not bad," he rolled his eyes as he lifted the lid off, and I pressed my hand against my mouth in disgust.
There was some strange, moving orange blob, and a pink carton that said milk but I was dubious.
Milk was white or brown, right? Andy always drank the brown; I could remember someone vaguely joking he was addicted to the stuff.
And this definitely wasn't that.
I didn't know what it was, but I wasn't going to eat it.
My eyes roamed the plate suspiciously, finding landing on the orange blob that was literally moving.
Why was it moving?
Was it alive?
How could they want me to eat that?!
"What is that!?"
"That, my dear, is jello." Ashlandil informed me, poking it with a spoon and making it jiggle more. "All hospitals serve jello. It's not that bad."
"It looks weird."
"But it doesn't taste bad. Here," he hovered the spoon in front of my mouth. "Taste."
No.
I didn't want too.
I shook my head, and he sighed. "You need to eat human food now that you're carrying one of them. Sex isn't exactly going to feed it."
I glared at him.
"Kenali, really. Don't be stubborn. If you wanna keep the thing you'll need to take care of it until you can give it off."
What if I didn't want to give it off?
I honestly wasn't sure what I wanted to do.
Why was this so complicated?



"Hey, Kenna! You're looking good," CC grinned at me from the small screen of Ashlans phone, and I forced the best smile I could manage in return, knowing it wobbled where I could see myself in the corner.
I looked awful, so I knew CC was just being kind. My hair kind of straggled around my face, the curls so limped they almost were straight. Black circles were beneath my eyes that gave me a sleep-deprived look I'd often seen the boys wear when they'd stay up playing games on the white box all night. I was a little paler then even before, and in my opinion, I looked worse now then I even had when I'd been dying from not sinning.
But it could always be worse, I guessed.
They could be not giving me all the wonderful pain medication.
Which I found I really liked almost as much as alcohol thanks to the mind-numbing, blissful ignorance it seemed to give me.
I let my eyes stray across the phone screen, seeing CC was sitting downstairs in the bus, right in front of the kitchenette. I could hear a lot of noise in the background I assumed was the rest of them, and honestly it kind of hurt my feelings that Andy hadn't called any to check on me.
It was foolish of me to be like that, but it did hurt. I'd thought he would at least check in with me, or time with his face like CC was doing.
Did he not care at all?
Did he really only think about his tour? I know he had to go, but still...
A text here and there wouldnt hurt anyone, so long as Ashlandil didn't see it.
But I suppose it didn't matter if he did or not, I don't think he cared for me as much as before, which should relieve me, but made me sad instead.
Eck, I didn't want to be sad right now!
Maybe I needed more medication.
CC started talking, so it brought my attention back to him and his tales of their time on the road.
The guys had continued their tour, they couldn't just stop in the middle of it because one of their band members ex girlfriends was sick, now could they? I knew that, I wasn't sure why I was so crabby about it regardless. They'd found a temporary guitarist, and Ashlan had mentioned everyone wanted me to get better on something called twitter?
I wasn't sure what that meant, but I appreciated it.
At least someone wanted me to get better.
"I have to say, I miss you," CC sighed, taking my attention back to him from where it had started to wander again. "I wake up expecting to see you downstairs cooking me breakfast every morning."
"But I don't cook," I blinked at him. "I don't even know how to turn the warm spinny thing on."
"The microwave," Ashlandil sighed. "For God's sake, already. Learn your appliances."
I stuck my tongue out at him.
"Don't be a meanie."
"A meanie?" CC sounded amused. "That's a very downplayed word of what you usually call him. They have you on a lot of pain meds, huh?"
"Yeah, and something called stitches," I rubbed my face, trying to make sure I didn't lose complete feeling in it, too. "They itch and hurt if I move."
"Which is why you're not moving," Ashlan said, flicking through channels on the TV against the wall with the small box of buttons. He was out of sight of his phone, laid back in the recliner with some blankets tossed over him like he was a queen.
I knew the nurses were fawning over him, how sweet they thought he was for staying with me the past couple days, taking care of me, etc., so I was pretty sure him feeding wasn't going to be an issue while I was here.
"Wow, Ash sounds mega bossy right now."
"He is bossy." I scowled at him. "That's the perfect word!"
Ashlandil rolled his eyes as he turned to look at me. "Don't piss me off or I'll go get some jello and make you eat it."
"You wouldn't dare!"
"I would and you know it."
I looked at him in horror.
"But I hate jello!"
"They're making you eat jello?" CC sounded even more amused.
I wrinkled my nose unhappily as I turned to look at his tiny face. "Yes! And it's gross and horrible and as bad as your Koolaid!"
He looked offended, but I heard Jake laugh in the background.
"My Koolaid is awesome!"
"It's like drinking flavored dirt." I informed him, poking at the screen. "It's terrible."
"You wound me, Kenna, really," he sighed, placing his hand over his heart, and I grinned.
CC always made me smile.
CC chatted for a little while, updating Ashlan on how the tour was going, where they were, and that when they headed back in our direction they would stop and pick us up if I was out already. I propped my chin on my hand as I listened, my eyes trailing behind CC as I saw a tired looking Andy step up in the background, his back to us as he ambled through the fridge.
"Not the strawberries!" I gasped thoughtlessly, and I saw him glance over his shoulder in surprise.
"Ashlan," I turned to look at him, my eyes widening. "I need strawberries!"
"What?" he frowned at me. "You can't have solid foods right now ---."
"GET ME STRAWBERRIES."
"Kenali ---."
"STRAWBERRIES!" I slapped my hands against the stupid tray in front of me, making the phone wobble a little bit where it was propped against a water container.
I wanted strawberries, and I wanted them now and I wasn't going to be happy until I got them.
"For fucks sake, fine," he huffed, looking beyond irritated as he turned to his phone, slipping his fingers around it. "CC, I'll call you back later."
"Fine." CC was grinning, and I glared at Andy where I could see him eating the delectable, succulent, sweet ---.
"Mrs. Purdy?" I glanced over as the nurse stepped inside the room, and I groaned, laying back heavily with a huff when I saw the tray she was carrying.
I winced instantly, feeling something pull painfully, and I heard something clatter as Ashlan turned to me worriedly.
"Are you okay?" He demanded. "Did you ---?"
"I'm fine," I said quickly, not wanting him and the nurse to twitter over me. "Really. It just twinged."
"Are you sure? Do you want me to get Dr. Berman?" she hovered, face wrinkled with concern. "Your condition is very concerning right now ."
"Really, I'm fine," I sighed, shaking my head. "It's nothing to worry about."
Neither of them looked convinced.
"I'll get him just in case, okay?" the nurse started to back out the door, luckily taking the nasty tray with her. "Better safe then sorry!"
"Yknow, you need to be more careful," Ashlandil murmured, his fingers softly stroking the top of my hand when she was out of sight.
"I'm fine," I mumbled, shaking my head.
I wish they would stop worrying over me, it wasn't that big of a deal.



So apparently I had pulled a stitch, but it wasn't very serious because I hadn't started bleeding again, so I figured I was fine. I wasn't quite sure why I hadn't healed up fine yet anyway, considering I was an angel.
Or was.
Wasn't I considered a demon now?
So many technicalities.
I pursed my lip, gazing up at the ceiling as I counted the different specks on it. I raised my fingers, trying to use them to help count, but I was just getting confused again.
"Kenali, baby, please," Ashlandil sighed ,catching my hand. "Don't stretch."
"But I wanna count the dots," I mumbled, irked. I think they had overdone my pain meds, because I could barely move right now and I felt kind of sick.
"You can count them later," he murmured, pressing his lips against my palm as he turned it. "When you feel better, okay?"
"Okay."
I snuggled up into his arms, nuzzling his neck.
I liked it when he held me, and I liked the way he smelled; despite he'd been rough with me that once, I still associated his scent with safety, though I wasn't sure why. Probably because he'd been taking care of me for so long it was automatic.
I'd been here almost a year now, and I was really glad he'd been here for me.
Well, technically he hadn't fallen for ME, though, right? He'd come here for Geneva, who Cronus had killed for some reason, though I still couldn't fathom why. I probably should have asked him already, but I just hadn't gotten around to it.
And I hadnt told Ashlandil yet, either.
Ehh.
All the thinking was giving me a headache.
Meh.
"Kenali?"
"Hmm?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Mhmhmm."
"Do you love Andiel? Still, after all this time?"
"Yes."
I didn't have to even think about that.
Though he hadn't really given me any inklings HE cared any lately...
I gazed up at Ashlandils face, seeing it was a mix between being troubled and resigned, and I let m fingers rove to his neck, stroking the tender skin there. His eyes flicked down to mine as he sighed.
"If you knew what you do now, though, would you fall again?"
He was asking such simple questions with such a serious face, I didn't understand. He needed to be happier!
"Mmm... Probably." I yawned, my eyes suddenly feeling heavy.
"Really? Why?" he sounded so startled.
"Because I got to know you."
Easy questions.
I liked easy questions.
Almost as much as I did strawberries.

Notes

Thank you guys so much for hanging on ^^ it made my day to read the comments, and it really perked me up when I needed it too, so thank you so much!

Also, I'm going to try to be updating a lot more, I don't see how I was updating every day before it just blows my mind, I feel like I barely have time for anything now!

Anyway, here's another chapter! I usually just write what comes to me, and sometimes it's just simple like this, but that's okay I guess.

Again,thanks for reading and hanging on, it means a lot!