My Fallen Angel

"He hasn't come out of his bunk the entire time we've been on the road," Jake was grumbling as he sat on his laptop in the living area. "I don’t even think he's eaten anything. What's going on?"
"I dunno. He's been like that since we left Wales," CC shrugged, looking bored where he sat on the couch upside down beside Andy, who was texting and not paying anyone any attention.
"Was it because of that ginger girl?" Jinxx asked, looking curious. "Did he like her that much?"
"Who knows? I doubt he liked her that much," Andy muttered after a moment, his eyes flicking up to where I sat curled in a chair, pretending to read some novel about wizards.
Why did they ride brooms?
I didn’t understand half the words they were using.
What was a troll? And why could a woman turn into a cat?
"Why do you say that?" CC asked curiously, blinking. "he seemed so into her."
"Oh, you know Ash. He seems like he's into one girl, but he's always with another one a few minutes later."
I glanced up.
"I dunno," CC hesitated, glancing at me. "He's not that bad anymore ---."
"He's just as bad as before. He doesn't know how to be loyal," Andy interrupted him. "he can pretend all he wants, but he could be kissing one red head and fucking another."
I pressed my lips tightly together, and then slammed my book closed, causing all of them to jump, startled.
Ugh!
I tossed it on the table and started for the stairs, not about to listen to another word from his mouth.
he'd been like that the entire time we'd been on the bus, since he'd caught me and Ashlandil kissing on the very couch he sat on. How could he be so upset over that? he had slept with another girl!
He was the one who didn’t want to be with me!
"Andy, what the fuck? That was mean!" I heard CC exclaim as I topped the stairs. "What's your problem?"
I strode toward the back of the bus, their voices filtering out of my hearing. My steps flatered by Ashlandils bunk, the curtain drawn like it had been for days.
He needded to come out.
I hesitated, then knelt, moving the curtain aside.
"Ashlandil?"
He had his back turned to me, facing the wall, unmoving.
I frowned, then touched his shoulder, shaking him. "Stop ignoring me, Ashlandil, I'm not going away."
I knew he was scowling.
"You have to get up, you're worrying the guys."
"Fuck the guys."
I huffed, seeing at least he was speaking now.
He'd been like a zombie the entire time we'd been on the road, and he really hadn't left his bunk for anything, just laid there, gazing at the wall the entire time.
This wasnt going to work like this.
I sighed, and let my fingers stroke through his hair softly, wishing I could do something to help him, something that would make him feel better.
I wanted to tell him she would just come back to life, that he hadn't been the one to murder her, but I didn’t want to upset him, either.
So I just left him be.
I pressed a kiss against his cheek, then left, continuing back to my bunk.
He would just need to come out of this on his own time.
I passed Cronus on my way through, shooting him a glance, but he was looking at something on his phone, not paying any attention to me.
Good.
Ignore me.
I clenched my jaw, feeling anger sweep through me as I made it to the small room, and I shut the door rather hard. I sat down heavily on my bunk, pursing my lips thoughtfully.
What could I do for Ashlandil? He couldn’t continue to be like that, it was going to drive all of us crazy.
We would have to do something for him to cheer him up, I decided, feeling my stomach rumble.
I grimaced.
we'd been driving a week, and Cronus just didn’t sate me like the others did, so I was craving something else now that I knew I couldn’t get.
I would just have to deal with it.
Besides, Ashlandil was the one who would really be needing to feed again if he hoped to keep going, and if I had too, I would force him to eat like what he had done for me.
I wouldnt let him go.
I couldnt.
He was all I had left.



I watched him move listlessly across the stage, playing his instrument on autopilot, none of his usual passion in it whatsoever. I knew the guys were worried, and they should be, this wasn’t right.
I had to do something to help, I just didn’t know what.
I chewed my lip nervously.
I knew he blamed himself, and I could always just tell him who had really killed Geneva, but I was afraid if I did that, he would immediately kill him and never ask questions as to why.
And i hadnt asked yet either.
I was biding my time.
But i had to figure this out.
I had to do something for him.
I watched as Andy bowed theatrically, then waved to the crowd as they all started off the stage. He didn’t even look at me as he walked by, but that was just fine; it hurt, deep in my chest, but I would get over It.
Time would make it go away, right?
I caught Ashlandils sleeve as he started to stalk past me, and he paused automatically, his listless eyes roving to mine.
"Ashlandil, please," I murmured, clenching my fingers into the material of his shirt. "Please stop this. You need to get better, it wasn’t your fault ---."
He jerked away from me, and for a brief second his eyes did have a little more life in them.
"I don't want to talk about it," he muttered, his voice rough and harsh. "Ever."
"But, Ashland ---."
"Goddammit, I said NO!"
I flinched, taking an automatic step back from him, lowering my eyes immediately.
I hated it when he yelled at me like that.
I pressed my lips into a thin line, clenching my fingers. There was a terse silence between us before he moved on, striding to the dressing room and leaving me standing there like a fool.
I could feel the others looking at me.
"Kenna...?"
"What?"
"Are you... What was that about?"
"Nothing," I mumbled, feeling a little sick. I glanced at CC where he stood a few feet from me, his drumsticks held tightly in his fingers as he looked at me worriedly. He was such a good hearted human, he really did mean well, and I appreciated him for it.
"Kenna, he just yelled at you. That's the first time I've heard him speak in a week," he huffed, coming to stand in front of me. "Do you know what's up with him?"
I crossed my arms.
Of course I knew.
Someone murdered the love of his life while he slept beside her.
I mean, that would upset anyone.
Poor thing.
I frowned, and then raised my eyes as I felt someone tug on my hair.
"Look, I know it's none of my business," CC said after a moment, curling a lock of my hair around his finger. "But... Ever since you came around, there's been nothing but chaos between Andy and Ashley."
He didn't need to tell me that, it only made me feel awful.
I pulled away from him, annoyed. "So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying.... That you're really awesome, don't get me wrong, and we all love having you around and stuff but... Maybe when we get back to the states, you should take a break from the guys, yknow?" he shrugged, looking down at his shoes, and I could tell it made him feel bad.
And I couldn't take a break from them.
I basically lived with Ashlandil.
The entire reason I'd Fell from heaven was to protect Andy.
But I did believe that I had made everything worse. When I'd defeated Seraphine I should have left, it would have...
It would have....
I felt my eyes dampen.
Was this all my fault?
Was I making everyone miserable?
Andy was upset because of me, though he was the one who had slept with another person, not me. Ashlandil... Well, he would come out of it eventually.
Right?
"Oh, Kenna, I'm sorry, please don't cry," CC sighed, looking contrite. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings I just ---."
"CC, hurry up so we can get out of here!" I heard Jake call from the dressing room. "I wanna get going!"
"Right, sorry!" CC stared at me, but I kept my gaze on the ground, clenching my fingers.
I had to get out of here.
"I'll meet you on the bus," I mumbled, stepping around him quickly and darting out the venue door.
CC didn't want me around?
And here he'd been one of my favorites.
I bit my lip as I stepped onto the bus, barely giving the driver a second glance before heading upstairs to the bunks.
Well this was wonderful.
Was that technically the nice way of kicking me off the bus?
That's what it felt like.
And I knew CC would have never said anything if he and the other guys hadn't been talking about it, which meant they all wanted me to go.
Which I understood.
I'd come out or nowhere with Ashlandil, made him go absolutely haywire, and then all of a sudden I'd been with Andy, which had caused such animosity between everyone...
I WAS making it worse, wasn't I?
I chewed my lip as I started through the aisles to the back, pausing when I heard a buzzing sound. I glanced at Ashlandils bunk curiously.
Bees?
I tugged the curtain to the side, relaxing when I realized he'd just left his phone and it wasn't anything serious.
I frowned,leaning forward to see the caller ID.
Kacy?
I thought he was done with her.
Her face disappeared off the screen, and then the little symbol for voice mail popped up.
What would she be calling about?
Ashlandil had said he was done with her since she was pregnant, especially since it wasn't his. I figured at that point he would have made her forget about him all together, which meant deleting his number as well.
Not that it was any of my business.
And I shouldn't pry.
Which was why I was going to set the phone down and not ever worry about it; Ashlandil would tell me about it if it was something serious, right?
Well, I suppose not right now.
He wouldn't even look at me.
Which meant no, he would never tell me about it.
I bit my lip, staring down at the phone I held in my hand.
I shouldn't listen to his messages, it made me feel guilty and nosy and I was being completely ridiculous.
But why the hell was she calling him?
Why her?
Dammit.
I was gonna listen.
I pressed the symbol for the mail, then pressed the phone to my ear, listening to the recording before the message finally started.
"Um... I'm not really sure why I'm calling," she sounded awkward. "I'm not really sure who this number even belongs too, really.... But, I had to go to the hospital with my baby, something was wrong and for some reason I felt compelled to call and leave a message but.... I mean, everything is fine with her," she added quickly. "The baby is fine. We're both fine. Great, actually. God, this is so weird... Why did I even call?"
She mumbled the last sentence as she hung up, fumbling with the phone and creating a lot of that annoying static.
What the hell was that about?
Did he compell her to call him about her pregnancy?
Why the hell would he want to keep tabs on her like that if it wasn't even his?
Because it wasn't.
He'd said right to my face that it wasn't his.
But why else would he want her to call in case something went wrong?
And why had he lied to me about it?!
I stared at the phone a few seconds, feeling my chest tighten. He'd lied to me about it, over that baby being his. He'd lied to my face and like a fool I'd eagerly believed him.
I'd believed him.
On basically everything he'd ever told me.
So what else had he lied about?
What other foolish things had I believed?
And why was I so unbelievably angry over this?
I clenched my jaw, tossing his phone down before I crushed it in my hand. He'd fucking lied to me, right to my face and I'd been so eager to believe him I hadn't even noticed.
He hadn't wanted me to know.
Or he hadn't cared enough for me too.
Why did this even upset me so badly?
Why did I want to cry and throw a tantrum at the same time?
I closed my eyes quickly, taking a deep breath and trying to calm myself.
There was no need for a tantrum.
Right?
Right.
But still. ..
He was out moping around about a dead lover who would be reincarnated many more times, another he had never told.me about.
So actually, he never told me about anything.
I had to learn it from others
He didn't trust me at all, did he?
Did he!?
I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat that was slowly choking me, and I could feel the heat rising up my body until everything felt overly warm.
How fucking dare he lie to.my face!
And not trust me enough to tell me about this!
I heard the door open below, and I glanced down, knowing all the guys must be coming back.
He was back.
And he had a child he hadn't wanted me to know about.
Did he think I would hurt it?
Did he think I would do something to the mother?
why wouldn't he TELL me?
I ground my teeth, and reached over, grabbing his phone as I started for the stairs.
Well now he would fucking tell me about it.
It was all I could do not to break the thing as I stomped down the bus stairs, feeling like I was going to explode if I didn't do something. It was like there was just a big bundle of anger in my chest and if I didn't do something about it, it was going to take over.
Ashlandil was standing in front of the kitchenette with his bag over his shoulder, staring listless ly into the fridge when I made it downstairs. His eyes flicked over as I stalked towards him.
He tensed automatically, his body reacting to what it perceived as a threat, and his brows furrowed as he turned to face me.
"Here," I hissed, shoving his phone at his chest. "You missed a very important call."
"I --- what?"
"Don't want to get too far away from it," I continued, glaring at him; I wanted nothing more then to absolutely throw him out the window and hurl him into as many cars as I could find. "Kacy might need you."
"Kacy?" Ashlandil stared at me, a confused look on his face. "Why---?"
"It's s girl, in case you didn't know," I practically snarled at him, and that's when the light bulb went off.
"Oh."
"Oh? Just OH?" I burst, my voice rising on every syllable. "That's all you have to say? You said it wasn't ---."
"I know what I said," he snapped, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Jesus, Ken. How ---?"
"SHE CALLED YOU LIKE YOU TOLD HER TOO!"
"DONT FUCKING YELL AT ME LIKE IT'S MY---."
"How is it not your fault?" I practically shrieked.
I didn't care the guys were all right behind him, staring at us like I'd absolutely lost my mind and just came screaming out of nowhere. I didn't even care that I could clearly see that this was not the time to attack to him, but I couldn't help myself.
I was just so angry.
I don't think I'd ever been so angry before.
It was like it started in my chest and rose to my throat, and I felt smothered, like I couldn't breathe and I was choking. If I didn't do something, I was going to erupt like some kind of volcano.
And it just kept getting worse and worse until I wanted to do nothing more then destroy everything.
He'd kept this from me on purpose.
He didn't care to tell me.
Why did he keep saying he cared when he obviously didn't?
Why did everyone keep saying they cared when they didn't?
Both of them did.
Both of them said they cared but not enough to want to stay with me.
I could feel the tears rising into my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I didn't want to be seen as so weak, I wanted to absolutely blow my top and melt this entire fucking bus down to the ground, and the more I thought about it, the angrier I became.
They were all.
fucking.
Liars.
All of them!
LIARS!
"You can't blame me for an accident!" Ashlandil hissed at me, tossing his phone on the counter. "I'm not even going to be in ---."
"Yet you have her call you if somethings wrong with it!" I hissed right back at him. "And you lied to my face about it!"
"Of fucking course I did! Why the hell would I want you to know when I knew you'd probably fucking leave me if I did?"
"I told you I wouldn't ---."
"You got what you wanted,"he snapped, shaking his head, and my chest tightened painfully. "You got what you came for, I don't even see why you're still here! Just because she got pregnant while we were together ---."
"You said it wasn't yours!"
"Well obviously I lied, you stupid little idiot! You're the one who was foolish enough to believe me!"
My hand connected with his cheek before I realized what I'd done.
"How can you call me foolish," I whispered, cursing myself for how choked up I sounded. "How could you expect me to distrust you when you were the only person I had to rely on?"
"You didn't even come here for me," he muttered, his hand covering the red mark on his face as he looked down at me, his red eyes smoldering with anger. "You were never here for me and you know it. It was just the sex."
"That's not ---."
"You've lied just as much as I have," he said softly. "And you know it. So you can be angry at me all you like for not telling you about the little bastard ---."
"Guys, can you take this somewhere else?"
My eyes flicked over, and Jake was staring the two of us down, his arms crossed with a grim look on his face. He was tired of this exact thing, us fighting so openly all the time. He didn't like the tense atmosphere, or the snide hateful comments.
And I didn't blame him.
I didn't like them either.
"Don't worry about it," I mumbled, stepping away from Ashlandil. "There's nothing to even fight about."
"There isn't?" CC stared the two of us down, his face nervous. Jinxx and Andy stood behind him, Andy looking at everything that wasn't us; he wouldn't look at me at all. "Because it sounds like there's ---."
"Nothing. Nothing important, anyway." Ashlandil interrupted, shaking his dark head.
Right.
Nothing important.
I balled my fists, thinking about it.
He didn't care.
It was just a human, right?
His baby was just a human.
The only one he'd ever cared about was Geneva.
That was his problem now.
Her.
And she was dead again!
And next time I hoped I was the one who killed her!
This made me feel sick.
I shouldn't think like that.
What was wrong with me?
I took a few steps back, and turned on my heel, heading for the stairs.
I would pack my things then.
If none of them wanted me around, I would leave. Ashlandil was right, I'd finished what I'd come there to do, I'd kept Seraphine away from Andy when I needed too. Lingering with them because I cared was absolutely pointless.
Besides, I could make it in this world by myself.
I didn't need them.
I didnt need any of them.
That sick feeling hit me again, and I grimaced, pressing a hand against my mouth as I made it to my bunk. What the hell was wrong with me?
I'd just fed on Cronus not long ago, I shouldn't be getting sick like this again.
Ashlandil should be going out before me, but he seemed fine; incredibly infuriating and cruel, but fine.
I leaned against the wall, burying my face in my cold hands.
Where would I go?
What would I do?
How did all the others make it?
God this had been such a mistake.
I regretted coming here more then any other decision I'd ever made.
Don't cry.
Don't be a baby.
Come on.
Don't.
Don't.
Dammit.
I was pathetic.
I was incredibly pathetic and I didn't see how I could protect anyone like this! No wonder they didn't want me around!
I didn't even want me around.
I sighed.
What was wrong with me?
Why did I pitch such an embarrassing fit like that in front of everyone? That had been completely ridiculous.
Completely.
And yet I'd done it without even thinking.
God I felt so sick.
I frowned, pressing my fingers against my lips, trying to fight the need to run to the bathroom and spill my guts. I didn't want to leave my bunk area again, let alone go down takes and face all of them after that little scene.
My stomach clenched, but this wasn't like before. I could feel a sudden pain start, like my entire abdomen was cramping on itself, and it started to spread.
What the hell!?
I squeezed my eyes shut, but it didn't get better, only worse, and I slid to the floor, gasping.
What was happening!?
"Ashlandil!" I gasped, panicked.
Please hear me. Please come, I thought, bending over with a whimper, my arms wrapped tightly around my lower half.
Oh god this hurt.
"Ashlandil!"

Notes

Hi guys! So I know it's been a super long hiatus, but I'm writing when I feel the story coming to me, so that's kind of how I'm doing it. I hope you guys are still interested!

Thanks for reading!

And what do you think is wrong?