My Fallen Angel

Ashlandil was glowing.
Like, his skin was bright and flushed, not pale and dry like it had been yesterday, and he was basically floating around the dressing room humming as he got ready for the show tonight.
We were all watching him, unused to this sort of behavior.
Andy looked at me questioningly, and I just shrugged.
I had no idea what was going on.
Had Geneva made him that happy?
Shed obviously... fed him, I thought, a scowl covering my face.
They'd slept together, and I could smell her all over his skin, not that I cared.
I'd figured something would happen between them, it had needed to.
Had he finally made his peace with her? Was that why he was so happy?
I couldnt understand.
"What are you so happy about?" CC asked after a moment, asking what all of us were wanting too. "I haven't seen you like this in... forever."
"What do you mean?" Ashlan asked lightly, pretending he didn’t notice how all of us were looking at him. He did keep glancing at his phone, so was he waiting on a text from her?
Wasn’t he done with her yet?
I rubbed my nose as I watched him, and then sneezed.
Ugh.
"Here," Andy handed me a tissue sympathetically, and I took it without looking at him, pressing it against my face.
I'd never had a cold before.
Could we even get colds?
Ashlan's phone buzzed and he nabbed it immediately, a grin spreading over his face as he read whatever it said. He beamed, quickly typing something back.
I threw a hairbrush at him.
"Ow! What the fuck?" He snapped, sounding more like himself as he turned around to glare at me, knowing exactly who had thrown it.
"Why are you so happy?" I demanded suspiciously, twisting around in the chair I sat in so I could look at him better. "What's wrong with you?"
"Wrong with me? Does something have to be wrong for me to be in a good mood?"
"Yes." I said without hesitation.
He scowled at me, and turned away from me, quickly finishing his typing before he locked his phone.
Since when did he lock his phone?
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.
"Let him be, Kenna," Andy murmured softly beside me, his hand resting on my knees where I had them curled in the chair. "If he's happy, let him be."
I frowned at him, and pulled out of his touch immediately, ignoring the hurt look on his face.
I didnt want him touching me, especially went it went immediately between my thighs since I was getting so hungry.
God, I stayed hungry.
I hated It, but Ashlandil had been right when he said Andy wouldn’t be enough for me.
Sleeping with him wasn’t going to do it anymore.
And I didn’t dare have anything to do with Ashlandil. I'd sworn I would never sleep with him again, and I'd meant it.
As ridiculous as it was, I really couldn’t get over the last time we'd slept together, though I wasn’t sure why.
I just couldn’t forgive him for forcing me, using my sin against me, making me do something I hadnt wanted too.
Making me feel so badly about myself.
I looked down at my clenched hands, then over at the doorway where Cronus leaned, looking bored at having to guard a bunch of humans and fallen angels.
I eyed his buff form thoughtfully.
He couldnt give me the black veins twice, right?
And we had had a lot of fun together.
And I was really fucking hungry.
"Kenna?"
"Hmm?" I tore my eyes away from Cronus, biting my lip as I looked over at CC.
He raised his brows at me, a stern look on his face, and I flushed slightly.
"What?" I asked, and he flicked his eyes over to Ashlandil.
He was glaring at me, too.
"What?" I demanded, crossing my arms huffily.
He kept telling me to eat, then he got mad when I thought about it.
"Can we talk?" He muttered, stepping to my side.
"I'd rather not --- ow!" I hissed as his hand closed around my wrist, forcefully dragging me out of my chair and nearly making me fall.
"Ashley!" I heard Andy hiss, but Ashlan ignored them, Cronus stepping hastily back out of our way as we stepped through the doorway.
He drug me down the hallway and out the back door to where the bus was parked.
I jerked out of his grip, turning around to hiss at him.
"I'm leaving," he said abruptly.
I froze, my mouth open where I'd started to speak, and I just stared at him.
"Leaving?" I said after a moment.
He nodded. "Yeah. Tonight's my last show. I'm leaving tomorrow morning before anyone's up."
"Wha... why?" Oh god, had I done this? Was this my fault? Had I hurt him so badly he didn’t want to be around anymore?
Had him and Geneva not made up?
Why would he leave?!
"Don’t look like that, Kenali," he scowled at me, rolling his red eyes. "It has nothing to do with you."
Well that was relieving.
"I don’t want you to leave," I said thoughtlessly, gazing at him. "Don't."
He blinked at me, looking a little surprised, then just shook his head, as if he refused to let me shake his resolve.
"I’m leaving tomorrow... with Geneva."
"With... Geneva...?" I felt stunned. "What are you talking about?"
He took a huffy breath, obviously thinking I was stupid, and I frowned at him in annoyance.
"We're leaving tomorrow... together. we're running away, going somewhere else and getting the fuck out of this place."
"You're leaving together? Ashlandil!" I shook my head frantically. "That wasn't what you were supposed to do!"
"It isn't?" He raised his brows at me.
"No! You were, you were just supposed to make up with her, stop being haunted by what happened to her, not run off with her! I need you here for Andiel ---."
"You don’t need me for shit anymore, Kenali." He interrupted me. "You know that as well as I do. You can survive just fine now, and being around you is torturing me."
I stared at him, my hand hovering between us where I'd started to grab him.
Torturing him?
"Kenali," he stepped closer to me, and I dropped my hand, shrinking back against the bus, "you know how I feel about you, and that's not going to change, not for centuries." He shook his head. "But you love Andiel, and you can protect him just fine without me here. I need to... get away from all this, and she wants to come with me. I'm not going to tell the guys, I'm just going to leave. They can find a new drummer for the rest of the tour, this was our last show here anyway, and --- please don’t look like that."
"Like what?" I cleared my throat, looking away from him quickly.
I didnt want him to leave, I didn’t want him to go with her, I didn’t --- I didn’t want to let him go.
I was so used to him always being here for me, no matter what, always taking care of me even when he was furious at me or I was at him.
I couldn’t imagine living on this earth without him.
But if being around me was just torture...
I chewed my lip, looking down.
"You love her a lot still, right?"
"Yes, I love Geneva. But ---." He stopped himself abruptly, and shook his head. "I just didn’t want to leave without telling you, at least. I didnt want you to... I dunno, worry, I guess."
"Did she believe you?" I asked after a moment. "Did you tell her...?"
"I told her, the truth, all of it --- most of It," he amended, meaning he hadn't told her he had been the one to murder her. "She doesn't believe me, probably thinks I'm crazy." He snorted, shaking his head again. "But she wants to leave with me. She actually wants to be with me, and I'm not making her."
"What do you mean?" I frowned up at him worriedly. "Ashlandil, does your enamor...?"
"It doesn’t work on her." He shrugged.
"Ashlan, that's dangerous!" I gasped, horrified; he couldn’t erase her knowledge of us, and that would make her a target if other angels found out.
None of us wanted the mortals to know we were actually here.
"I know, but it's okay," he told me quickly, grasping my arms. "It's okay, I've got this handled. She just thinks I'm psychotic, she'll never actually believe me, so don’t worry."
"How can I not worry?" I demanded, clasping his face between my hands. "If anyone finds out she knows, whether she believes it or not, they'll kill her, Ashlandil, and you too; you know how the other angels feel about you."
He didnt have a good reputation.
"I don’t give a fuck about them, love," he sighed, shaking his head. "I just want to be happy for a little while, and I can have that with her. I want that with her."
I gazed into his red eyes, searching them, but I didn’t find any doubt or hesitation. He really wanted to go with her, wanted to try to have a human life with her.
My chest squeezed painfully, and I clasped my arms around his shoulders, pressing my face into his neck.
"I don’t want you to go," I whispered, his arms closing around me tightly. "I don’t want you to leave me, as selfish as that is."
"We'll see each other again," he murmured, kissing my neck. "Fifty, sixty years and all we'll have is each other again, you know that. Andy and Geneva will both die off, but until they do, we should... we should..."
He couldnt say we should be with them, because Andy had already found his human, the one he was meant to be with, bare his mortal children if he could have any. He wasn’t supposed to be with me anymore, I'd had my time with him.
I felt myself start to cry. "I don’t want this to be goodbye!"
"It's not goodbye," Ashlan cooed gently to me. "I'll see you again, I swear. And I thought you didn’t like me, remember?"
"I don’t like you," I sniffled, unsure why I was so upset anyway. I hated him half the time, he drove me up with wall with all the awful choices he made, he was cruel and mean and didn’t care about others feelings --- but my heart was wrenching at the thought of losing him, not seeing him for such a long time, and I knew how incredibly selfish I was being.
I was always being so selfish when it came to him.
I needed to let him go, so he could find happiness while he could.
"Don’t cry, Kenali," he whispered, sounding pained and surprised at the same time. "Please, love, don’t cry."
I couldn’t help it.
They just kept coming.
"Kenali," Ashlandil sighed, and then lifted me up against me as if I was a small child. I wrapped my legs around his hips as he carried us to the bus, quickly opening the door and stepping inside.
"I'm gonna miss you," I wailed, overly emotional and knowing It.
He kicked the door shut behind him, and sat down on the couch, and I wrapped my arms so tight around his neck I doubted he could breathe.
"I'm going to miss you too, Kenali," he chuckled, as if my tears were amusing.
"Be careful," I sniffed, feeling a little embarrassed. "And don’t get her pregnant, okay?"
He hesitated, but nodded, not looking at me.
I leaned back in his lap, aware I was straddling him from how he'd sat down.
"Ashlandil," I hissed, forcing his face towards mine. "She's not already, is she?"
"No," he muttered, shaking his head.
"Good." I wiped hastily at my face. "No children, okay? You know how bad that would be. We don't need to add to the nephilim already roaming this world. And don’t go somewhere you know there's a lot of angels --- a lot of them would pounce on a way to hurt you. And since your enamor doesn’t work, you'll have to be extra careful about your abilities --- and what are you going to do about feeding, huh? You won't be able to just be strictly with her and if she finds out and tries to leave you and you can’t enamor her ---."
He pressed his fingers over my lips, silencing me. "Kenali, I'm going to be fine. I've been doing this a long time," he sighed, and I frowned at him.
I pulled away from his hand. "I just... I worry. And you're going to have to call whether you want too or not, and ---."
"Kenali."
"What?"
"Shut up already."
I scowled at him.
"Look," he sighed, leaning back against the soft cushions, running his hands through his hair. "I'm leaving you my apartment, okay, so you can stay in it."
"But I don’t want ---."
His hand returned to my mouth, and I glared at him.
"You get my apartment, and I'm gonna continue paying your phone and the bills there, alright? I'm not abandoning you to live on the street."
"But, I don’t need that," I said, my voice muffled by his hand.
He pressed it tighter against my mouth, and I scowled at him best I could manage.
"Get Cronus to stay with you and keep you fed," he said after a moment, and I could sense how much he detested having to say that. "Find yourself a reliable, preferably sterile male to fuck, too, to keep your hunger down. And yes, I'll call," he rolled his eyes. "Don't be so needy!"
"I'm not needy!"
Not much, anyway.
I scowled, and my fingers curled around his wrist, forcing his hand away from my mouth before i ended up biting him.
"I just want you to be careful and come back in one piece," I muttered, seeing his eyes soften slightly. "You're an despicable asshole most of the time, but I do care about you thirty percent of the time."
He chuckled, and I caught his other wrist before his hand landed on my thigh.
He raised his brows at me.
He just didnt understand how hungry I was.
"I'll come back eventually, Kenali, I'm not going to leave you on your own here," he said after a moment, not even trying to pull away from me. I tightened my grip on his wrists, holding them down against the cushions, gazing at him.
I wanted to believe him, but how could I be sure?
"Don't you believe me?" He asked after a moment, red eyes flicking to my face. "After all I've done?"
"I want to believe you," I muttered, shrugging, "can't blame me for being wary."
"It means you're learning," he chuckled, shifting beneath me. "Good girl."
I rolled my eyes.
Half the time I'd wanted to get away from him, but now that I knew he was leaving, I didnt want him to go.
Why didnt I want him to go?
I wasn't sure.
My eyes rose slowly up to his, welling with tears again.
"Kenali, no," he murmured, pressing his forehead against mine. "No more tears, sweet love."
"I can't help it," I sniffled. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
He sighed, brushing his nose against mine.
He was leaving me.
And he was the last person i had thought would ever do that.
I'd taken him for granted, and now he was going to leave me all alone, and it really made me hurt.
I wanted him to stay.
I wanted to do something, anything, that would convince him not to stay.
I was being so unreasonable about this and I knew it, but I couldn't fathom why.
"Don't leave," I whispered, knowing it was useless.
"I have too," he whispered back, his lips inches from mine. "I want this. For the first time in centuries, I can actually have what I want."
My chest constricted painfully.
Ashlandil...
I abruptly pressed my lips against his, kissing him harshly. He jerked, startled, and tried to raise his arms, but I wouldnt let him, tightening my hold on his wrists and forcing him to stay where they were so he couldnt push me away just yet.
He tried to resist kissing me back, but sighed after a moment, giving in, his lips returning my kisses, just as harsh.
His teeth grazed my lip hard enough to draw blood, and it was all I could taste for a few moments, pressing closer to him.
I could feel his fingers flex, but I wouldn’t let him touch me, I just kissed him, our tongues both fighting for dominance.
I wouldn’t let him win.
His hips suddenly rose, grinding against mine, and I made a small sound in the back of my throat, desperate for his touch.
He abruptly tore from my grip, one hand bunching painfully in my curls, the other cupping my ass tightly, crushing my hips against his.
His lips were hungry against mine, and he was wrenching me closer to him by my hair, my arms clenching around his neck as I pressed my chest against his, starving suddenly.
All I could feel was overpowering waves of hunger that made me whimper, and I felt like I hadn't eaten in months.
"Kenali!" Ashlandil gasped, but I pulled my lips to his again, not letting him speak. I couldn’t get any closer to him then I was, but it wasn’t enough, I wanted more.
He pushed at my shoulders, and then he was turning, forcing me down against the couch cushions, grabbing my wrists and trapping them against the arm, and I growled low in my throat in frustration, squirming.
"Kenali!" He barked, his fingers closing around my chin and forcing my eyes up to his.
I ground my teeth, panting, wanting him.
"Look at me!" He hissed, eyes suddenly that bright red that spoke of darkness. I winced, looking at him, his grip painful.
He relaxed slightly.
"When was the last you fed?"he muttered. "I can taste how hungry you are, Kenali, that's not good."
"When I … was with you," I spoke after a moment, shuffling my hips against his. He closed his eyes, pressing my wrists harder into the arm of the couch above my head, sucking n a breath at the movement.
"You shouldn't be so hungry," he practically growled, his eyes tracing something on my arm. "Otherwise you wouldn't want me so badly."
My arms were going numb.
I tried to wrench away, but he was a lot stronger then me again, at his full strength after a night with Geneva.
"I'm going to let you go, okay?" He spoke after a moment, opening his eyes, the soft red returning instead of the bright. "And then you need to go find someone to feed on."
Why couldn’t I just feed on him?
The thought must have been all over my face, because I saw his lips twitch, and he chuckled, leaning down over me.
"You would resent me so much for taking advantage of you, Kenali," he murmured, biting at my lower lip, pulling it between his teeth, his fangs pressing sharply into my skin.
I curled my fingers, pressing my lips up against his, his fangs drawing blood at the sharp movement.
We moaned in unison at the taste of blood.
He jerked his face away from me with a hiss, and I whimpered again, seeing my blood sizzling on his lips.
I licked mine, straining again, but he still wouldn’t let me go and I couldn’t feel my fingers anymore.
"Kenali, can you focus or am I going to have to knock you out?" He growled, and I frowned at him, my lips puckering unhappily.
He wasnt going to knock me out.
He sighed, gazing down at me, my legs locked around his hips and forcing them to be against mine.
"I'm going to miss you, Kenali," he murmured, stroking my hair out of my face.
"I'm going to miss you too," I whispered, feeling tingles shoot up my hands, and I realized he'd let me go. I curled my arms to my chest, flexing my fingers to help with the tingling.
He hesitated, then leaned down very slowly, and I forced myself not to move.
One last kiss goodbye.
His lips brushed mine ever so slightly before settling, his long hair brushing my cheeks as his tongue parted my lips, and I curled my fingers into his shirt, feeling sadness wash over me so strongly I knew it wasn’t mine.
He felt sad to leave me.
New tears welled in my eyes and fell this time, and I swallowed hard not to cry.
"Ashley where --- oh."
Ashley pulled away from me immediately, and I sat up in panic, recognizing the voice immediately.
Andy hesitated on the steps of the doorway, and his jaw abruptly clenched.
"Sorry to interrupt, but we have a show to play," he snapped, turning away immediately.
We both sighed as he disappeared.
"Well, at least that shows him for sleeping with Kennedi," Ashlan said after a moment, and I chuckled reluctantly, glancing up at his face.
He quickly hopped to his feet, fixing his shirt, and I followed suit.
"Just come back to me," I murmured, swallowing again, and he nodded as he swept by me, heading for the door.
Please come back to me, I thought, watching him disappear.
I couldnt bring myself to even watch them play.
I sat down heavily on the couch, and let my head drop into my hands.
I was losing everyone.

Notes

Kenali feels all alone! Ashlandil is leaving her! And now Andy is upset --- not that him being with Kennedi isn't a problem anyway...

Things are getting complicated!

And oh my god, you guys, the Motionless in White fanfic page is down, and I like to have a heart attack but there are several chapters of my stories there that I dont have saved, and I think I"m going to die if they don't renew it Dx