My Fallen Angel

"It's cold here," I grumbled, huddling in Ashleys jacket as we walked across the park.
"It's just the time of year," Ashley told me, his arm draped across my shoulders. "It'll be warm again soon."
'"Why can't it be warm now?"
He chuckled, pressing a kiss to my cheek and pulling away from me. H
e walked over to a bench and sat, and I followed, plopping down beside him.
I hadn't told him about Andiel, and I didn't know if I would. I had no idea how he would react to the news, and I wasn't sure if Andiel would even want me to share it. It would come up eventually, and Ashlandil would be mad at me for not telling him, but I would deal with that when it happened.
I leaned my head against his shoulder, content.
"Did you really miss me when I was gone?" I asked after a moment, remembering his words from the interview.
"Yeah," he said after a moment. "I did. You're annoying, but you mean well."
I poked his thigh, and he chuckled, raising my knuckles to his lips.
I didn't know how I felt about this.
He was really treating me as his significant other in this world, even in times like this when it was just us and he didn't have to pretend.
Did he actually feel for me that way now, when he knew I was in love with Andiel and couldn't feel for him that way?
I mean, I couldn't love both him and Andiel.
Could I?
I frowned.
What I felt for Ashlandil was lust, want, desire. I wanted him to be happy though, and I didn't like it when things upset him or when he decided to be arrogant. I tried to make him happy, and I suppose he was.
So now I was confused.
I could flat out say I loved Andiel, that my heart swelled when I saw him and ached when he left. I loved hearing him laugh and seeing his smile, and I wanted the best for him, was willing to do whatever it took to make sure he survived.
But I would do the same for Ashlandil now.
I loved him, I supposed, but it wasn't in the same way.
Which worried me.
I looked up at him, seeing him gazing out along the water, absently playing with a strand of my hair.
"Ashlan?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you care about me?"
He hesitated, glancing down at me, his body stiffening.
"Is that a trick question?"
"No." I frowned at him. "What's a trick question?"
"Nevermind. Why do you ask?"
"I'm... Just curious," I said after a moment. "You told everyone I was your girlfriend, and even when we're alone you treat me so now, when before it was all you could do to get rid of me."
He sighed. "You got under my skin."
"What does that mean?" I really didn't understand now.
Ashley frowned.
"It... Fuck, I dunno," he ran a hand through his messy hair. "Yeah, I do care. We're friends now, and we fuck occasionally. I would consider you pretty close."
"So we're still just friends then?" I pressed, gazing at him. "Do friends really act this way?"
"Friends with benefits," he told me with a chuckle. "They do. So yeah."
I frowned, but I didn't want to worry over feelings anymore.
I turned, and pressed a fond kiss to his cheek, hoping he didn't love me.
"What was that for?"
"I wanted too."
Ashlan chuckled, and tilted my chin up, brushing his lips softly against mine. He settled, his lips soft and warm, his hand cupping my face. His thumb caressed my cheek as he pulled away, gazing down at me.
"I do care about you, Kenali," he murmured. "A lot. I won't let anything happen to you, not ever again."
I smiled, and flicked a piece of hair from his eyes, causing him to wrinkle his nose in a cute manner.
"I care for you too, even when you're being rude," I chuckled, and he grinned, leaning down to kiss me again, deeply this time, his tongue greeting mine.
But how much did I care for him?

Notes

So many questions; looks like things are getting complicated!