My Fallen Angel

"Stop fidgeting," he grumbled beside me as we sat in the waiting room of a cold doctors office, other mortal women surrounding us in different stages of pregnancy. I eyed all of them and their rotund stomachs.
Would I really get that big?
I was almost horrified at the idea.
"Do we really have to be here?" I mumbled, nervously bouncing my legs, wanting nothing more then to hurtle myself out the window to avoid this.
"Yes, we do," he huffed, his hand clamping tightly on my knee to stop the movement. "The only reason you even got an appointment so quickly is because I know the doctor. And it's just a check up, to make sure the runtt looks like it's supposed too. So. Stop. Fidgeting."
"I don't like it here," I shifted uncomfortably. "It's too cold."
"Cold? It's fine," he rolled his eyes.
"It's not fine, let's just go home!"
"Not until you get a check up," he scowled, and the glamor on his eyes flickered as he started to lose patience with me.
I was aware I was whinny, and clingy, and I couldn't sit still to save my life. I couldn't sleep, either, not that I'd really needed too in anyway.
I had to keep moving.
It was freezing in here!
"I hate being cold," I wrapped my arms tightly around my waist, starting to shiver. I'd never felt this cold before in my time of being on earth!
Ashlandil shuffled, and I felt his arm slip across my shoulder, rubbing the goosebumps on my arms.
"Stop worrying, love," he murmured softly, kissing my forehead. "It's not that big of a deal."
Then why was I so nervous?
"Miss Dansereaux?"
Really?
My eyes flashed to Ashlandils face as he rose, an amused smile on his lips.
Of course he used that name.
He stood, taking my hand and forcing me up with him, and we followed the nurse behind the door and down a hallway of rooms, all of them smelling like antiseptic and trash bins, in my opinion. I could smell where they had drawn blood from their victims, and where some of their victims had most definitely released their stomach contents into the waiting trash bins.
This place was worse then Hell.
Except it was so cold!
I shivered again as we finally made it to our tiny room, a chair sitting beside an upraised table, a large machine standing beside it, the walls lined with pictures of forming babies and frighteningly happy mortal families.
Worse.
Definitely worse.
"Just hop up on the table and Dr. Matthews will be with you in a few minutes," the nurse told us brightly, her eyes on Ashlandil as he helped me up onto the table. Her eyes flashed me over, as if she was trying to decide if she liked me or not.
"Is there anything else?" Ashlandil asked her after a few seconds when she hadn't moved from the doorway, and she jumped slightly, blinking quickly.
"Oh, er, no, sorry." she shook her head quickly as she backed from the room, closing the door a little louder then necessary.
"I dont want to be here."
"Ken---."
"No, I dont like it here," I mumbled, wrapping my arms around my middle."Why is it so cold?"
"Baby, it's not that cold. You're ---."
"I'm not being dramatic, Ashlandil!" I huffed, glaring at his relaxed form where it rested in the crinkly chair beside me. "Really, I feel cold."
"It's because you're such a little hellfire," he sighed, running his hands through his hair, his sunglasses dangling off the chain around his neck. "They have to keep it cold in here to keep the germs down. As soon as we're out of here, I promise, you'll warm up again. Just relax, Kenali. There's no need to stress yourself out. Everything will be perfectly fine."
But what if it wasnt?
What if there was something wrong with my baby?
What if Andy was right, and I couldn't keep it, and something was already wrong with it because my body was all wrong?
I clenched my fingers into my shirt nervously, and I felt his hand close warmly over my knee, radiating calmness.
I felt his feelings start to seep through my bones, thawing some of the nervousness out.
"Baby, you're going to be fine," he cooed, as if he knew exactly what was wrong with me. He rose to his feet, his arms slipping around me and pullling me against his chest. I sighed as i burrowed as close as I could. "The baby is fine. This is just to make sure of it, okay? Stop worrying yourself before you make yourself sick." His fingers stroked soothingly through my hair. "Everything is going to be fine."
I really wanted to believe that.
I nodded my head, and we both looked over as there was a knock on the door, pulling away from each other.
After a second a woman stepped inside, the light glinting off her black-rimmed glasses. She was dark haired, her skin almost a red-brown that was very pretty, and her dark hair fell from a widow peak into a braid going down her back.
"Wello, hello there, you two." she smiled kindly as she closed the door behind her, a clipboard held in her hands. "You must be Kenna. I'm Dr. Matthews."
I nodded, shaking her hand when she offered it.
Huh.
She didnt' seem so bad, I suppose.
"Ashley," she sent him a friendly smile.
"Aiyana."
First name basis, huh?
I sent the two of them a suspicious look.
Ashley studiously looked at his boots.
Really, Ashlandil?
Was there a woman he hadn't slept with yet?
Now I understood what he meant about knowing the doctor.
"Well, I see this is your first appointment so far," Dr. Matthews continued, nudging a rolling stool in the direction of the table. "Are we just here for a check up?"
"Yep, we just want to make sure everything is as it should be," Ashlandil informed her, his fingers slipping through my knotted ones where they laid in my lap. "And then we'll probably become regulars until the runt is born."
"Alright. I'm assuming you're the father, then?"
"Guilty as charged."
i rolled my eyes.
Dr. Matthews chuckled, and then she began asking us questions. How I was eating, what I did for a living, how far along I thought I was ---- how far along was I now, anyway?
Six, seven weeks?
I wasn't sure.
I had a hard time keeping up with it.
Time moved so strangely in this world.
And of course she had to check up with Ashlandil, how his fashion business was going, how the band and touring and etc ---- it was really annoying.
"Here, lay back and let's see if the ultrasound can pick up your baby for you," she informed me after a few minutes when she and Ashlandil were done bantering.
I stiffened, my body suddenly refusing to move.
"Just lay back, Kenna," Ashlandil told me soothingly, his thumb caressing my whitening knuckles. "It'll just take a minute. Just to see the baby."
But what if something was wrong with it?
I honestly didnt want to know,
I'd rather be blissfully ignorant then know that there was something wrong with my baby and I couldn't help it.
What if there was? What if they had to terminate my pregnancy?
What if the baby suddenly wasnt there?
Would I even know if I had lost it?
I was suddenly very, very frightened.
I'd tried to do some research on the subject of losing a child, my worries escalated ever since Andy's comment, and now it was the only thing I could think of. I didn't want to lay back, I didnt want to know if something was wrong ----.
I felt his hands suddenly press against my shoulders, and he forced me to lay back, his face creasing with a frown.
"Don't be worried, I'm sure everything is fine," Dr. Matthews told me brightly, lifting my shirt up over my stomach and just below my breasts. "The gel is going to be a little cold, but it'll warm up after being on your skin a few minutes."
The gel was like she was pouring ice onto my skin, and I winced.
It almost burned it was so cold.
Ashlandils fingers swept through my hair, his eyes on the black screen on the machine. My eyes followed his, and I stared at the screen, waiting with trepidation for whatever popped up.
There was suddenly a loud, thundering sound, almost like hundreds of galloping horses.
I blinked.
What was that?
I glanced up at Ashlandils, seeing his eyes were pinned to the screen, his whole body straightening.
"There's your baby's heartbeat," Dr. Matthews said after a moment, smiling. "Sounds very healthy to me."
That's what that was?
It had a heartbeat already?
"And there --- there is your baby."
I looked at the screen again.
Where was it?
The screen was dark and grainy, but I could see a little gray blip in the center of it, nothing spectacular, nothing formed enough for it to even look like the human babies I'd seen before. It just... looked like a little, round shaped blip.
"That's the baby?" I frowned.
"Yep. I measure you to be about six weeks, at the most." Dr. Matthews informed me.
"What?" Ashlandil was suddenly frowning. "When she was in the hospital before, they measured her about three or four. Shouldn't she be farther along now?"
"Unfortunately, most machines at hospitals, aren't as up to date as they should be. She's not as far along as they thought, apparently," she shrugged nonchalantly. "So just about six weeks, then. I'm surprised we could even hear the heartbeat this early, some women take a longer time just for the child to even appear! But it sounds healthy, and looks like it is forming perfectly. So there's nothing to be worried about at all."
Really?
I felt my shoulders slightly relax.
So it was fine?
Healthy?
The heartbeat certainly sounded strong.
"See?" Ashlandils hands squeezed my shoulders. "Nothing to worry about, babe."
I suppose.
"Would you like a picture?"
"Yes."
Wasn't he eager?
I glanced up at him as the doctor rubbed the cold gel off my stomach, and I sat up quickly, my shirt falling down around my waist.
I certainly had a long time to go then, didn't I?
Sigh.
Dr. Matthews handed us a square, grainy snapshot of our baby, Ashlandil taking it from my hands and gazing down at it, an expression I couldn't describe on his face.
"That is the look of a man realizing he's going to be father," Dr. Matthews said softly to me, unaware he could hear her. "I've seen it many times. It's usually the first appointment where they can see the baby that it really seems to sink in with them."
I looked at him curiously.
He knew this wasnt his baby, yet he was claiming it, preparing for it, wanting to raise it as his own. He was already acting and calling it his child, not Andy's.
I felt a swell of warmth for him.
The feeling was certainly becoming more common for him, at least.
I reached out, my fingers closing around his, and he gave mine a warm squeeze.
"See?" he murmured, letting the picture flutter down into my lap. "Nothing to worry about. It's healthy."
I nodded, looking down at it.
"How long until we know it's a boy?" He suddenly asked, and I rolled my eyes with a huff.
"It could be a girl," I muttered, annoyed.
He kept calling it a boy, but he didn't know what it was going to be.
I didn't know, and I was carrying it.
Dr. Matthews looked amused.
"Between sixteen and twenty weeks." She informed him, peeling her purple gloves from her hands. "And I can tell you want a son to carry on the family name, huh?"
"I don't care what it is," he shrugged. "But I wouldn't be surprised if it's a boy."
What did it even matter?
It wouldn't be his son, not really.
I frowned down at the picture again, growing annoyed with myself.
Why did I keep thinking like that?
Ashlandil was willing to claim it, give it years of his life he couldn't take back, watch it grow old and die with me.
In all ways, it would be his son, just not by blood.
I needed to stop being such a... a... a bitch.
Ugh.
I sighed as I rubbed my face, feeling tired all of a sudden.
I think I needed a nap.
"Well, I'm glad everything is going well for you two. I remember hearing that you had a girlfriend, how shocked I was over it," I half-listened to Dr. Matthews chuckle as she recounted her surprise over the interview with the Stars mortal. "But I haven't heard anything about a pregnancy?"
"We haven't announced it yet," Ashlandil shrugged, his arm resting around my shoulders as I absently leaned against him. "I have intentions of calling Bryan eventually, I just haven't gotten around to it. Fuck, I might just tweet it, I dunno. I don't suppose it really matters."
"I suppose not. When is your show, Kenna?"
"Next month." I let my eyes meet hers for a few seconds. "I'm hoping I can still fit into my costume for it by the time it rolls around."
"I think you will be," she informed me warmly; she just seemed like such a nice, friendly person, it was almost too hard for me to not like her. Though, if I was going to not like her just because she slept with Ashlandil, I was going to have to dislike most of the female race, I suppose. "You're not too far along yet. Since it is your first pregnancy, most don't start showing until they are between twelve and sixteen weeks. You've plenty of time for your show. If there's still tickets, my husband and I might go. It's the ballet being held by Tyler's, yes?"
"Yes."
"My, you must be a good dancer then. I know they only allow the very best to be in their shows! I had a neice who went there for a little while in her younger years. She dropped out because of how intense the routines were becoming for the older classes. They only want the very best."
So everyone kept saying.
I shrugged my shoulders, and stifled a yawn behind my hand.
Why was I so tired all of a sudden?
I suppose it was because I'd been so tense the last couple days, unable to stop thinkin about Andy's words, the possibility there might be something wrong with my baby.
Now I was so relieved, it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
"Well, we'd better get going," Ashlandil said after a few more minutes of idle chatter. "She's tired; it's been a long day."
"Undoubtedly. Make sure the receptionist makes you another appointment for in a few more weeks so we can do some more check ups, make sure everything is still well," Dr. Matthews said, stepping back towards the door, her white coat billowing around her legs, her skirt landing a little below her knees and making her look very professional. "I might see you two at your show, if you don't mind me going."
"Of course not." I shook my head. "You're very welcome to come."
"Good." She brightened slightly. "Have a nice day, you two! Goodbye, Ashley."
"Aiyana." he nodded, that mischevious glint in his eyes.
Ugh.

Notes

Badabadabada....

So Ash is really getting into the whole baby thing. And we know how protective he can get, imagine if it's a girl!?
She'd never have any boyfriends.

Funny how be can care for another man's child yet not his own....?