Make Me Feel Alive

"Toby!" I called as I shuffled into my apartment. "Where are you?"
I heard a thunk, and looked at the kitchen. My big yellow tom cat had literally just rolled off the stool and into the floor. I sighed, and knelt as he trotted towards me. I lifted him into my arms and walked to the couch.
"You need a diet," I grumbled, sitting him down. He just mowed hatefully at me, digging his claws into the old furniture.
I opened my laptop, and pulled up my bank account. My check had yet to be deposited, and I really needed it to be early this month for rent. I would probably be fine if it wasn't for my school loans, which were eating up every extra penny I had. Why I'd even bothered going to University was beyond me. I couldn't afford it then, and now that I had graduated I could barely afford anything.
I sighed, rubbing Tobys head. "Trevor is gonna be over soon," I told him. "What do you want for dinner?"
He just glared at me.
I sighed, then clambered to my feet and to the fridge. At least I could make some Alfredo or something. It was one of Trevors favorites anyway.
I started pulling all of the stuff out. I started to mix up the ingredients for the sauce after I got the noodles boiling, humming as I went. This was one of my easiest meals to do, and it was so easy. And it was so filling. Even Toby liked it.
Though honestly I should not be feeding my cat pasta.
I glanced over as my phone buzzed, and grabbed it quickly. "Hey, Trevor,"
"Hey, Morgan. Look, I can't make it tonight, I have a test in the morning and I've got a lot of studying to do. Sorry."
"It's okay," I said after a minute. Well, that was a let down. Again.
"I'll see you later then?" I asked, my stirring stalled. "Maybe tomorrow? I was making alfredo."
"Um, I dunno. I'll call you if I can, okay?"
"Okay," I frowned. "That's fine."
"Cool, thanks, Morgan."
I set my phone down in disappointment. That was the third time he'd done that to me this month. Well, on the bright side, I'll have a lot of alfredo, I told myself, and finished cooking.
And I could take it for my lunch, so I wouldn't starve again. And, and I could probably eat it for dinner again tomorrow. Drown all my problems in alfredo.
I sat down on the couch, and Toby crawled up into my lap, covering my dress in yellow hair. I fed him a piece in pasta, and he started to purr.
I had to be the saddest person my age ever. I didn't have any family left, except an uncle I never talked too, and I'd moved here so I could work for the studio, and I'd never really made any friends my own age.
It had been my pure chance I'd even met Trevor. He worked part time at this coffee shop I'd visited all the time before my loans had caught up with me, and he had the cutest smile. We'd started dating a couple months back, but that had been before his exams had started and his time was a lot more limited.
Not that I minded.
I always had ... Toby... To keep me company.
I sunk lower onto the couch.
This was my life.
I sat my bowl on the table, and shuffled the cat out of my lap as I walked to my room. I kicked off my converse, and then shirked my dress off, quickly pulling on some comfy clothes.
If Trevor was coming over there was no point in trying to stay cute.
I stopped, staring at myself in the mirror.
I had black hair, and I kept it long, way past my shoulders. It was usually messy, and half the time I just put it in a bun so I wouldn't have to deal with it. My eyes were green, not that anyone could see them that well through my obscenely dorky glasses; I had contacts but they bothered my eyes too much and I didn't like wearing them.
I was tall, and I did have nice legs, one of my redeeming qualities, I had always thought to myself. My mother had always said it had been my eyes, but there again, glasses.
I smoothed out the wrinkles in my shirt. I didn't have tattoos or colored hair, or a fabulous style or a kick ass attitude, and I envied all the people who could pull that off.
I had a hard time deciding on what nailpolish to wear that wasn't black, let alone some wild outfit that would probably look ridiculous on me anyway.
The only thing I'd ever allowed myself was the black stud in my nose, which I know my mother would have had a heart attack over. I had my ears pierced a couple times, though half the time I forgot to even put my studs in so I had to pierce them constantly. And I wore a ton of bracelets, the bangles on my left wrist the only ones I never took off.
I was a jewelry hoarder.
I tugged on a strand of my hair, staring at my reflection.
Why was I such a loser?

Notes

Leave a comment!:) I'm really excited about this story, I have such big plans!