Come Back Here

The next morning, I woke up to my phone ringing at seven in the morning. As you can imagine, I was confused to high hell as to why it was ringing this fucking early. The only people that call me are Renae, Gerard or my mother. Andy doesn't even have my number, Renae is feet from me, Gee knows not to call me this early unless it's something serious, and my mother shouldn't be calling me. So what the fuck?

I sleepily answered it, with a groggy greeting, "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Celeste Rose?" The voice on the other end was not one I knew. Her voice was calm and assertive, but it was giving me anxiety over how this person obtained my number.

I rubbed my eyes, "Yes, this is Celeste."

"My name is Officer Maria Mortson with the CPD. I'm calling regarding some anonymous evidence we were submitted about a possible abusive situation you are in."

Just because she claimed to be a police officer--and I didn't doubt that she was--didn't lessen my anxiety one bit. I was silent for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond to that logically. Do I just say 'yes, I've been abused for years at home'? No, I don't want to flaunt it off, but this is serious and I can't deny her an answer.

"I'm sorry to be calling so early in the morning, I just assumed you would have school today and I'm busy this afternoon."

"It's fine. But, um, yes...I've been in an abusive situation for a while now." Does that sound alright? She'll believe me right?

"Okay, Celeste, may I ask you a few questions tomorrow afternoon?"

I almost hesitated, the gut feeling that chaos was in the cards from this brought me close to just hanging up, but then again, that wouldn't do anything but harm. Besides, she could look up my address and show up at my home. I need to go through with this.

"Yes..." My voice was weak. It pained me to talk about this part of my life, because I don't want people to know, and the only reason my friends do is because...well obvious reasons. One, they are very trusting, two, they see the after effects, and three, I had to tell someone and Renae and Gee were there for me.

"Okay, Celeste, may I ask you a quick question?"

I nodded, although, it took me a moment to realize she couldn't see me so the nod was pointless, but either way I agreed.

"Is there a friend you can stay with for a while, or a family member?"

I was quick to reply, "He's out of town currently, but I've been staying with one of my friend's."

"Okay, I'm glad to hear that. Could we talk at your house with your mom tomorrow, though?"

"I guess..." Mom doesn't know that this is happening, and I don't know how this is going to go over with her. I don't think she'll be mad, but she knows this will probably just piss him off more.

"Does at four tomorrow sound good for you, Celeste?"

"I think so...yea."

"Wonderful, I'll be around at four then. Have a nice day, Celeste, and stay safe."

"Okay, I will."

With that the line went dead.

***

When I had gotten to school, I was on edge. I was so nervous that I could hardly focus on my classes. By the time lunch rolled around I was on the brink of having a panic attack. The reality of this was driving me over the edge.

I couldn't eat at lunch. Gerard, Renae and Andy tried persuading me to, but I was sick to my stomach and couldn't even give food a consideration. I just wanted this to all go away, because now shit is getting real and I can't take it.

"Cel, please, eat something." Andy persisted.

"No, Andy, I physically can't. I'm so fucking sick to my stomach that I want to hurl."

A look of sadness came over his eyes that he had been trying to hide. I felt bad to make him upset but he doesn't understand how much stress I'm under. He can try to understand what it's like right now, but I don't think anyone could understand what it's like knowing the man that's abused you all your life is going to be faced with charges that could potentially go nowhere and just end in worse experiences.

"Cel, if this is about--"

"Don't tell me that this shouldn't affect my eating, Gerard. You can't even comprehend what I'm going through right now." I snapped at him before he could even finish the sentence I knew he was trying to piece together.

***

Later on after school, all I could do when we went over to Gerard's was curl into a ball on the chair and listen to music. I didn't want to engage in conversation. I was keeping myself distant from everyone else at the moment, I needed to be alone with my thoughts.

After about an hour, Renae and Gerard left the room to go talk outside. That left me in a room alone with Andy. I half expected him to come over to me and try to comfort me but half of me thought he'd leave me to think in that chair while listening to Collide With the Sky.

It wasn't until I felt his arms around me that I received my answer.

"Hey." He said, whispering into my ear. I melted into him, feeling his body so close to mine sent chills up my spine and over my body.

"Hey." I whispered back, my voice cracking from barely using it all day.

"Wanna talk?" He asked, his breath warm on my neck.

I shook my head, "Not really." But I really want to make out with you.

"You sure, Celeste? I'm here if you want to."

"I'm sure... Can we just sit here?" Still really want to kiss you.

"We can do whatever you like, Cel."

I hesitated asking him what was on my mind. I decided to say 'fuck it' and took a shot in the dark. "Can I kiss you?"

"Anytime."

So I did.

***

The next day was a blur until I arrived at my house and unlocked the door. It was 3:47 and I was terrified as hell to tell my mom that is twelve minutes a police officer would be coming over to question me. God, I should have prepared more. I should have warned Mom in advance, because now I can barely speak.

"M-mom..." I stuttered when I closed the door behind me.

I saw her peak her head out of the corner of the kitchen, "Celeste! I wasn't expecting you. What's up, sweetie, I haven't seen you for a few days."

"W-well...uh, Renae kind of...you see, sh-she..." My voice was shaking and I was physically as well. How do I even begin to explain this to her?

"Celeste, sweetie, can you speak more clearly. What did Renae do?" She turned the corner of the kitchen and came toward me.

"Well, we kind of... You see it had to be done..." God, my brain could not focus on how to function, or word this into a coherent phrase.

"What had to be done, sweetie? You're not in any trouble are you?" Her voice was full of concern but I couldn't look up at her.

"No, I swear... We just, well, she did it..."

"Celeste, what did Renae do?"

"She kind of... submitted evidence to th-the police and they're coming over i-in ten minutes to ask me questions a-and--" I was beginning to cry and I had no clue why. Were the emotions finally getting to me? Was this breaking me?

"Celeste, it's okay. Calm down."

Just then there was a knock at the door and I knew it would be Officer Maria Mortson. I couldn't open the door, instead I went straight to the couch and curled into a mini ball. My head was spinning and the questions hadn't even started, let alone she wasn't even in the room yet.

"Hello, is this Celeste Rose's home?" I recognized Officer Maria's voice from when she had called me at seven in the freaking morning.

"Yes this is. I'm Celeste's mother. I take it you're here about...well, you know."

"Yes, I'm here to ask her some questions. May I come in?"

"Yes. Would you like something to drink? Coffee, water?"

"No thank you, ma'am."

I looked up to see tight black curls tied back into a pony tail on top of a woman in a black uniform standing in front of me. Her brown eyes seemed sympathetic, but her appearance came off as motherly and intimidating. I noticed a silver ring on her finger. Maybe she is a mother.

"Are you Celeste?" She asked.

I nodded and my mother came and took a seat next to me.

"So, Celeste, I would like you tell me anything you can about your situation." She calmly stated while taking a seat onto the chair across from my mother and I.

"Well..." Then began the explanation I had been dreading. It wasn't easy, and I kept stumbling and I had to choke back tears. It took forever to explain some things and at times my mom had to take over. Officer Maria sat there, listening intently, and jotting down notes as I explained what he had been doing to me for years.

No one ever tells you how hard it is to talk about abuse and I thought it would be easier considering I had told Renae and Gerard in the past, but it wasn't. It was a million times harder now that I was telling a complete stranger. This isn't something that I want to tell people, but yet, getting it off my chest is lifting a weight off my shoulders that I didn't even know was there.

Once I finally finished telling Officer Maria about the most recent experience and how this train got rolling, she sat there for a moment before speaking.

"Mrs. Rose, why didn't you do anything?"

"I was afraid! Roger threatened to take my and Celeste's life if I spoke a word of it. I believed him because I knew if he had the chance he would. You don't understand what he's like--"

"I understand, Mrs. Rose. Please calm down, it was a simple question."

"No, you don't understand what it's like! Have you ever watched your husband beat the living hell out of your daughter and you can't do anything because you are paralyzed with fear, knowing it will be you next, all because of a mistake you made seventeen years ago?"

I snapped my head toward her. What on earth was she talking about? He had never raised a hand to her. At least not to my knowledge. And what could she have done that makes him do this to me?

"He has assaulted you as well?" Officer Maria inquired as if it was a casual statement she made daily, while I sat there, staring at my mother as she had tears streaming down her face.

She looked away and my fear became a reality. I wasn't the only one in the house that was being treated this way. But when did it happen? I never saw anything on her. What fucking mistake did she make?

"Yes. Whenever he did it to Celeste, I was next after she would go to sleep. I stopped making noise after she had turned five and would hear."

Bad memories began to emerge that I didn't know existed in my mind. Screams in the night, pleas for help. I clutched my head and realized they were my mother's screams that I had blocked out. Why had I blocked them out? Is this why I can't bare violence and my brain shuts down?

"Mrs. Rose, you mentioned a mistake you made seventeen years ago that you believe to be the cause of this. What would that be? The more we know, the better our investigation will go."

My mother gulped back her tears and nodded.. "Yes, there was something that happened that I know is the reason this is happening." She paused and took a deep breath. "I wasn't faithful. Shortly after I had called off my affair, I found out I was pregnant, and I knew it wasn't Roger's, and he did too. He was ashamed of Celeste, and I know to him she's a constant reminder of my affair. Celeste isn't Roger's child, that's why he does it."

I was paralyzed where I sat. What did my mother just say? Was this reality or did she just tell me that the man I thought was my father growing up, wasn't really my father? Was my whole life a lie?

"Thank you, Mrs. Rose, I think we have enough evidence to charge him with child abuse, and domestic. We'll be in touch. I advise you not to let on that this happened to him, it could only anger him more. I know Celeste had told me he's out of town, but we won't be able to have a warrant for his arrest until he is back. Celeste, I advise you continue to stay with your friend until we have him in custody."

There was a veil around my head and her words were muffled in my ears. I understood everything she said but processing it was another story. I had questions for my mother that needed to be answered immediately.

I just nodded in response, and she soon left. The moment I heard the door close I snapped my head up to look at my mom. I didn't know how to accept this. I was relieved, truly relieved that I wasn't related to that monster, but it doesn't justify what he did to me, or Mom. And it certaintly doesn't explain why this was hidden from me all my life until now.

"Is it true?" I asked her. "He's not my dad?"

My mom looked away and nodded. "Yes, Celeste." She looked back at me, with pleading eyes, "I'm sorry, Celeste, I should have told you."

"Damn straight you should have. Who is he?"

"You wouldn't know him."

"Tell me." I insisted. I wanted to know him. I wanted to meet him.

"He doesn't even know about you. I had cut off all contact with him before I found out--"

"Tell me!"

She took a deep breath. "His name is Robert Coma. He's a mortician."

I'm a mortician's daughter. "Mom, I want to meet him."

Notes