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America's Suitehearts

Chapter 44: Casual Affair

Museum dates are definitely underrated. I mean, sure, a museum isn’t exactly the most exciting or romantic place on earth to take a date, but if you’re dating the right kind of person, it won’t be hard to make your own fun. Plus, at the very least, you’ll have plenty of things to talk about. Hailz and I pretended to be billionaires on a shopping spree in the precious jewel exhibit, pointing out the largest stones and telling each other what we would do with them.
“Yes, yes, I’d like that 50 pound ruby mounted onto a toe ring.” She said in a jokingly snooty voice
“Alright, darling, but only if I can have the softball sized emerald on a pinky ring.” I replied similarly
“I also want that eight foot tall amethyst geode on a nose stud, if you please.”
“In that case I want that 20 pound topaz embedded into a grill for my teeth.” I said which made her break and laugh. Next, we wandered over to the fossils, because why would you go to the museum and NOT look at them? At the entrance of the exhibit was a wall of pieces of petrified wood and about ten different forty-something year old dudes asking some variant of ‘I wonder what scared them?’ to their spouses and or unimpressed teenage kids. Ah ha, dad jokes, the god given right of fathers everywhere. Hailz gave me a look warning me not to crack a similar joke which I found vaguely offensive. “What? Oh, come on! I was gunna ask if that’s what it’s called when you get so scared you pop a woody!” I said defensively “Besides, I currently meet none of the criteria required to make a dad joke.”
“Well, after that lame joke you cracked in the car…” she began
“Okay, I admit, that one was pretty close to dad joke territory, but that’s as close I’ll get! Scout’s honor!” I said as we continued on our way
“You were a boy scout?” she asked
“Well, no…but my best friend in elementary school was and that counts for something, right?” I said which made her giggle a bit “What about you? Were you a girl scout?”
“Nah, my little sister is though.” She said
“YESS! I’ve finally found myself a girl scout cookie dealer!” I said excitedly making her laugh. Honestly, if I ever have a daughter, she won’t be allowed to be a girl scout because I would eat all of her cookies before she could sell them.
“I’m sure she’d be more than happy to hook you up.” She smiled as we strolled up to the first display. While she was busy reading the little information thingy, I decided to tweet about my newfound joy.
Happiness = Finding out your girlfriend's little sis is a girl scout #Bringonthecookies #CanIorderatruckload?
A little bit later, I posted a picture of the mammoth skeleton that they had suspended from the ceiling on Instagram with the caption “It’s raining mammoths…HALLELUJAH!” without Hailz noticing and decided to make a game out of it. I got maybe another six tweets and another Instagram post before she caught me. She thought it was pretty funny for the most part, however she was less amused with the second Instagram post (a sneakily taken picture of her ass, captioned “Introducing my new favorite museum exhibit: Dat Booty”) so she confiscated my phone then instructed me to go stand in the corner for five minutes as a time out. I wasn’t sure whether she actually expected me to obey or not, but I made my way to the nearest corner anyway, for the fun of it. I looked over my shoulder at her and saw that she was filming me with my phone and trying not to laugh. I smirked a little then decided to play it up a bit.
“Will it help if I say I’m sorry?” I pouted with my best puppy face. She motioned with a finger for me to turn back around and face the wall. “But what if I’m REALLY sorry?” I asked and she told me to turn around again which I did. “BUT I’M REALLY, REALLY SORRY!” I cried with my face pushed into the corner. I could hear her trying to repress a giggle so I turned all the way around with a smirk and said “Babe, stop laughing, it ruins the whole disciplinary thing you have going on!” which of course made her crack up completely. “Wow, you suck at this.” I laughed as I walked back to her
“I can’t help it! I don’t have any immunity against your cuteness yet!” she laughed back as she gently pinched my cheek
“Well then, for my sake I hope you never gain immunity! Now, can I have my phone back?” I asked as I held my hand out
“I dunno, CAN you?” she said coyly as she held my phone out of my reach
“Look here, you adorable little shit…” I began with a chuckle
“Okay, fine!” she groaned and handed my phone back to me, which I promptly put in one of my front pants pockets. “HOWEVER, just to make sure you don’t try anything else…” she added with a sly smirk then slid her hand into my pocket with my phone and oh, sweet Jesus, it felt as if she had just stuck her hand straight down my pants. Oh God, yes!
“Someone’s feeling a little playful, huh?”I grinned at her then wrapped my arm around her, letting my hand rest on her hip and pulled her closer as she giggled
“Maybe just a little…” she giggled while we began walking to the next section. We made it about five steps before I realized that the motion of walking made me rub up against her hand in such a way that I became confronted with the very real fear of popping a stiffy in the middle of a god damn museum. Like I said earlier, museum dates can be quite the adventure if you’re dating the right person. I glanced at her out the corner of my eye to see if she had had a similar realization, but she seemed blissfully unaware of the struggle that was getting realer by the second in my pants. Fuck! Where’s a bathroom when you need one?! GAHH! God, am I being punished for not letting her sleep this morning like I promised? Suddenly my phone vibrated in my pocket to alert me of some sort of notification but ended up making my situation about ten thousand times harder to deal with. I’ll take that as a yes then… After a quick look at a nearby directory map thingy, I determined that the nearest bathroom was just outside the Egyptian exhibit and surrendered myself to the fact that I was going to have to think up some unappealing images and power through the next two exhibits to get to it. Fuck.

Notes

Between parties, internet issues, broken keyboards, and a whole host of other things that have been happening this month, it's kind of amazing that I've gotten anything written at all.
I wanna give a huge thanks to @WretchedAndDivineXoXoX for giving me ideas on where to go with this and upcoming chapters!
I'm going to try to update as much as possible this summer and maybe finally progress the storyline a little lol :P

Comments

This is pretty awesome. You don't find a lot of CC fanfic. I really think I'm going to make a Jake fanfic tho because legit no one appreciates him or Jinxx. So I'm going to make a fanfic for everyone except Andy lol cuz I'm already making one where him and ash kinda like the same girl. UPDATE SOON PLS I LOVE YOU BITCHESSS

@Red Phoenix77
Update should be up tonight or tomorrow! Sorry to keep you waiting

Cherry Black Cherry Black
8/21/17

Any chance of an update in the foreseeable future ? This is actually one of the more interesting stories I've read , and funny as hell ! I mean , where else are you gonna get a story with the dogs POV ?

Red Phoenix77 Red Phoenix77
8/13/17

Yeah , I could definitely see him doing the thing with the lettuce . I didn't snort like Hailey did , but I was laughing so much that it turned into the kind where you're not even making sounds , you're just sort of wheezing .

Red Phoenix77 Red Phoenix77
7/5/17

Hey guys! The writer of this story (aka mah bfffffffl) no longer has the ability to sign into her account, so she will be moving the story over to wattpad. keep you updated, yo.