America's Suitehearts

“What the actual fuck?!” Max laughed “Look at what your phone did to my name!” I peered over at my phone and nearly spat out my drink when I saw what had happened. Instead of putting Max in the contact name space, it had autocorrected it to Maxi. “Apparently I am a feminine hygiene product.” Oh God! I can’t breathe! I haven’t been able to stop laughing since he sat down almost fifteen minutes ago.
“If you think that’s funny, this one time it glitched out while I was typing and instead of putting Escape the Fate it put Eecape the Farte!”I said which made him laugh even harder
“Holy fuck! I’m going to try and convince Craig that we need to change our name to that!” he said as he finished putting his number in my phone. “Okay, now you have to take a selfie with me ‘cause I didn’t get one with you last night.” He said and pulled up my phone’s camera. I moved closer to him so I would be in the shot. He put his arm around my shoulders, pulled me right up against him, and squished our faces together while we made goofy faces. “Oh yeah, I look fabulous in this!” he said when we looked at the resulting picture. It truly was a thing of beauty, he was smiling so hard that you could see almost all of his teeth and his eyes were squinted shut and was making my signature cross-eyed and puffed out cheeks face.
“I can send it to you if you want.” I said
“Do it!” He said excitedly which made me giggle as I texted him.
Me: Here you go!
He instantly checked his phone then took another selfie with a peace sign and sent it to me.
Max: Thanks!
I laughed and sent a selfie back to which he replied with another selfie and this continued until it eventually evolved into an intense selfie battle. It began with innocent crazy faces but Max, being Max, kicked it up a couple notches when he sent a picture of himself making a ‘V’ shape with two of his fingers and sticking his tongue between them. Oh my! I responded by sending him a surprised face emoji. He chuckled and told me to look the other way while he took his next picture. I obliged but I could still sort of see him in the reflection of a lamp on the end table next to the sofa. He had his phone at crotch level and…dear God, is he…? It looked like his other hand was lifting up the waist band of his pants. Oh shit, oh no no no no no! Oh for fuck’s sake he better not send me a crotch shot! I immediately darted my eyes to my phone and stared intensely while trying to figure out how the hell I would explain why there was picture of Max’s junk on my phone to CC.I was considering just dropping my phone in the pool and pretending this never happened when it buzzed which made me jump a little. Oh God, here we go…I picked up my phone and tapped the message icon as if it were a bomb that would blow up in my face at any second. I shut my eyes as I clicked on Max’s name and only dared to peek after a couple seconds. Instead of coming face to face with the unsolicited crotch shot that I had expected, there was a picture of him sticking his tongue out that was taken assumedly from his lap. Thank you Lord, Baby Jesus!
Max: What did you think I was doing, pervert!
I doubled over with laughter and covered my face with my hands while Max laughed his ass off.
“You okay?” he chuckled as he put his hand on my back because I literally couldn’t fill my lungs with enough air to breathe since I was laughing so hard. I nodded and sat up as I started trying to calm myself down.
“Oh God.” I sighed as I wiped the tears that were beginning to form in my eyes. “That was perfect!”
“Well you know, I am notorious for making girls breathless.” He said which made me giggle. It was right about then that he moved his hand from my back which I hadn’t even noticed was still there until he moved it. He did it perhaps a bit slower than he should have, not enough to set off any major alarms but enough to make things a little awkward. Don’t get me wrong, Max was pretty damn fine and he was funny and cool, not to mention a lot nicer than what some people would have you believe, but he was also mischievous which was probably why I didn’t feel quite as comfortable or safe with him as I did with CC.
“I’ve found that when guys say that, eighty percent of the time it just means they wear enough cologne or body spray to choke a donkey.” I said which made him put his hand on his chest and gasp offendedly. I giggled as I picked up my drink and took a sip while Max took a second to think of a response. He looked at me and smirked which should’ve been my first warning that he was up to something.
“C’mon, I’m not wearing that much! Smell for yourself!” he said as he moved his hair to the other side and arched his neck towards me. Being the fool of a Took that I was (yes, I am a Lord of the Rings fan, how could you tell?), I leaned in so I could test his claim. As soon as I was close enough he whipped his head around so his lips pressed against mine before I could do anything to stop it.

Notes

Uh oh, looks like Max decided to play while CC is away! Don't forget to leave your thoughts, opinions, ideas, or whatever else you feel like in the comments for me :P
(BTW, the 'Eecape the Farte' thing is a true story, you just can't make this shit up.)