School of the Damned

-Third Person POV-

Ashley sighed, pulling out another $10 bill and handing it to Julie as he wished it wasn’t necessary.
“$20 good enough to last the week?” He asked, choosing not to mention that he was almost out of money, lest she charge more.
“Yup,” she answered cheerfully, gladly pocketing the cash. “Would be $30 if you weren’t so cute, though.”
“Thanks, I guess,” Ashley replied. Julie smacked his arm playfully.
“Geez, lighten up! I can’t play my part as your girlfriend if you can’t even fake a smile around me,” she reminded him as they began to walk home from school to Ashley’s house together.
“I know, I just-I can’t keep this up for much longer, Jules. Hiding is hard enough as it is, let alone covering it up.” A surge of panic suddenly burst inside of him; what would happen next week when he was five bucks short? “You’ll keep my secret even when we’re done pretending, right?” He asked nervously.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, of course this is never going to progress to something more. What happens when we’re done with it? You won’t tell, right?”
“What, you mean tell anyone that you’re gay?”
“Shhh!” Ashley hushed her, glancing around to check if there were people about. Julie turned to him.
“Ashley, there’s no one here, ok? Look, your secret’s safe with me, there’s nothing to be afraid of. I promise, alright?” She told him sincerely. Ashley breathed a sigh of relief, nodding.
“Thanks, Julie. Really, it means a lot to me,” he responded gratefully.
“No problem. Speaking of which, when are you going to come out to your parents?” Ashley’s throat went dry as he stopped dead in his tracks.
“Um, try never,” he laughed weakly, trying to joke it off.
“You know that’s not an option.”
“It’s my choice, not yours,” Ashley shot back defensively.
“Well, excuse me, but I’m just telling you the inevitable. Like you said, this can’t and won’t last forever. I like you a lot, Ashley, I want to help you out, but we’ve been lying to our parents for five weeks now. If I’m sick of it, I can’t imagine how exhausted you must be. I was surprised to see you pay up for this week, actually. So, excuse me for questioning what you’re going to do when I’m not around anymore,” Julie snapped.
“I’m going to be fine, thank you very much! I don’t have to constantly have a girlfriend to convince my parents I’m straight!”
“Fine then! I’ll leave!” She nearly yelled, digging the recent payment out of her purse and carelessly tossing it at him. “Take your money back and see how you manage on your own. I’m done with this.” She stormed off in the opposite direction, heading to her house. Ashley instantly regretting speaking up.
“Julie, wait!” He cried, chasing her down the road after collecting the fallen money. “I’m sorry!” She never looked back as he slowed to a halt, out of breath, and was left alone in the chilly, fall air on the grey street, wondering what to do. “Goddamnit, Julie, ugh!” He swore at himself for overreacting and being stupid. He never did things like that, and was usually quiet and a bit shy, but when it came to his secret, all walls sprung up. She only knew because of his desperation, and Ashley recalled the memory. A little while ago, before payment, Julie actually had a crush on him and asked him out. Ashley agreed, as he was afraid it would be too rude or disrespectful to decline, even if it would go nowhere. At the end of the date, she had told him well, you seem like a nice guy who I would like to be friends with, but I don’t think this would work out as a relationship. And from there, a sudden idea had come to him: What if Julie could pretend to be his girlfriend? After all, it was their second year in high school, and Ashley had never once even mentioned any attractive girl at school, and was worried that his parents would assume the truth and confront him. Thus, The Deal was born. Ashley sighed as he started back home. I can’t even keep a fake girlfriend around I’m so pathetic, he thought to himself bitterly. I can’t believe this. Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t it be easier? Why do I have to be this way? He groaned internally, approaching his house.
“Hey, mom, I’m home!” He called, unlocking the door and letting himself in.
“Where’s Julie?” His mom asked, bustling around the kitchen.
“Uh, we broke up,” Ashley stated awkwardly and quickly while taking off his backpack.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry to hear that. I know you really liked her.”
“Uh-huh,” Ashley replied, wondering how he’d ever convinced her of that. He was a terrible actor.
“You two still friends?” Now that was a question. Ashley paused.
“I-I don’t know,” he admitted.
“It’s ok, darling,” his mom told him, drawing him into a tight hug. “The first breakup is always the hardest. Julie was a very nice girl, but you’ll be fine.” Ashley simply nodded, wishing he could feel fine. He wanted more than anything to tell her the truth, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know why, but he just couldn’t. Fear kept him locked in the closet, worry hid the key, and the worst part was that all of it, each and every single one of his barriers, was something that only he could conquer. No one could help him knock down walls that he was too scared to even face.
“I’m going upstairs,” he choked out, dashing away without another moment’s hesitation. He locked the door and collapsed on his bed. It had been a long day. A very long day, and he was tired. So, so tired. Yet he knew that he had to do something. He couldn’t just sit around and wait; if he wanted change, he had to make a change. It was then that he decided just what to do in order to feel like he could breathe freely again, if he could sleep again. It was then that he found the courage to come out of the closet.

Notes