"You know how to make me go away..." Aiden's voice laughs in my mind. I crawl over to where my phone landed and took the cover off. "Hello my friend." I say to the small silver blade causing me to cry harder. I pull down my pajama pants and bring the blade to my thigh. I watch as a trail of ruby red blood flows behind it. I keep going saying to myself: Worthless, stupid, coward, you say you're over him and yet here you are, all because of a stupid boy. Ashley is going to do the same thing. All men are like this with you because you're so naive. So ignorant. I finally find my voice and I let out a blood curdling scream and begin to sob. I can't cut anymore because my whole body is shaking and I can no longer hold the blade, so I just sit on the bathroom floor, shaking and crying for god knows how long.
After i calm down enough I asses the damage I have done. Both of my thighs are covered with new cuts. Some are deeper than others. "Alright hun, lets get in the shower." the maternal me says. I crawl over to the shower and turn on the hot water. "There you go Tum, now get undressed." I do as I'm told and I climb into my shower. I'm afraid to stand to i just sit on the floor, and a new wave of crying starts again.
He's here! In America! Sure he is all the way over in Ohio but that's to close! I scream some more and put my head on my knees.
Once I calm myself down again I stand up and actually shower. I finish, step out and look at myself in the mirror. My emerald eyes are bloodshot and fear stricken. I'm pale, paler than normal. I look at the scars that run all over my body. No lace don't think about that, you'll only make it worse. I take a deep breath and push those thoughts from my mind.
I wrap bandages around my thighs, and cover up the scars with concealer. Good thing this tour takes place during winter time so I'll be wearing pants. Speaking over wearing pants I should probably put some on. I go to my dresser, put on some sweats and one of Ronnie's shirts. Then I walk out to my kitchen and make some coffee. You would think that the caffeine would make my shaking worse, but it helps. I walk over to my phone. Ronnie texted me :Hey Tum I'll be over in 5.
Just then I hear a key turn in the lock and see Ronnie walk through the door. "Hey Tum." He smiles.
"Sup butter cup." my voice comes out shaky and raspy.
"Tum have you been crying?" Ronnie crosses the room to me.
"N-no." I studder. Damn you emotions. I look down at the floor.
"Tum, Tum look at me." He lifts my chin so I have to look at him. "What's wrong?" I can't tell him.
"I just thought about my parents that's all." I lie. God I hate lying to him.
"aaawww Tum. Do you want a hug?" Thank god he knows that I can't always do the affection thing.
"No, but thank you." I smile weakly. The coffee pot beeps. "Do you want some coffee?"
"Nah I'm good."
"So what's up?" I ask pouring coffee into my favorite hello kitty cup.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go surfing." aaaaaawww fuck. Even if I wear a wet suite the slat water is still going to hurt. But you can't really say no...
"Sure."I smile "Just let me get changed."

Notes

Hey guys. I'm sorry I did that to her it nearly killed me, but it had to be done i suppose.