Jinxx’s POV

You see, my dad is a rock star. He’s important. My older sister is a college student AND a rock star. My younger sister is an amazing dancer AND soccer player and my little brother is an amazing athlete. And me? All I did was martial arts and ride horses. Not once did I ever tell my dad that I had an award or anything special. He was always going to soccer games for his little Olympian athletes. Only Uncle Billie knew and I made him promise not to tell. Uncle Billie had to go back and tour so Aunt Adrienne stayed with us. She saw my trophies when she was hanging up clothes in my closet. I explained to her my reasoning. She eventually had to go and Aunt Ella stayed with us again. I hid my trophies in a box under my bed, to be forgotten about until I had another one to put in.

Daddy came home a few days before 7th grade started. The summer had been boring, Amy had gone on vacation with her family and I was left to do whatever with whoever we had been left with this time. Eve was going into fourth grade and was the star of the dance floor and soccer field. No one knew I was an award-winning rider or that I was top of my martial arts class.

Daddy was there on the first day of school and took us all after making breakfast. The girls made fun of me for wearing the same clothes on the time. They were well worn out because I didn’t want to ask for new clothes and be a bigger burden then I already was. My favorite converse had a million and one holes and were a little bit too small, but they were my favorite. Uncle CC bought me them for Christmas one year.


Daddy was home until Halloween when they had to go and play one show then they were home until almost this time next year because they were writing an album. I still hadn’t told daddy about the contests. I got put up in a higher rank and still was doing well. My secret was hidden and only one person knew, that was until Andy Dawn came to visit saying her and Lexy got engaged. I was happy for them. Daddy forgot to ask one of my uncles to take me and he had already left with Kells and Eve, to go to their game. I had to ask Lexy to take me, and so she did. She then went inside just like Uncle Billie and found out.

I won first place in our division and got to say something about it. It also happened to be the anniversary. When I had gotten the award I said, “ I want to dedicate this award to my mom who passed away 7 years ago today. I love you mommy. Thank you.” I cried so much in the car into Lexy’s shoulder and went home, I wiped my tears and pretended nothing happened. I made Lexy promise not to tell daddy about my awards. Apparently they all finally noticed how I wasn’t at little ones big “important” tournament and I told them I was at the stables, like every Saturday for the past year and a half. Andy Dawn said, “You should’ve gone to their game and supported them. You’ve not gone to one of their games, not even the important ones. I thought we raised you better than this, to not be selfish. But I guess I was wrong.”


I looked her dead in the eye and said, “Don’t you dare.”

She continued on saying, “I’ve gone to all of the games I could while balancing school and a job. You haven’t gone to one game or anything they do. You haven’t supported them and you wonder why you’re not close to them.”

I couldn’t take anymore of her crap so I left the room and ignored the fact that everyone had their attention on us. locking my bedroom door, I hid in my bathroom with the bathroom door locked. Clutching my mom’s picture I cried until I couldn’t breathe. unlocking the bathroom door, I grabbed my cello and played until my fingers bled and then continued to play until I couldn’t feel my hands.

I put the cello away when I was barely able to stay awake. Grabbing every single one of my trophies, including this last one I got today, I put it in a trash bag and threw it away as quietly as possible and snuck back into my room. once I was in bed, I checked the time, it was 4 am. Locking my door, I crawled into bed and fell asleep.

I used to be very close with my family but I don’t know what happened to separate us like this. One day, I woke up and everything changed. I remember parts of before Mommy died and then when we met daddy. Daddy and me used to do a lot together and the stuff I used to do with my uncles. Andy Dawn was nicer to me. Once we moved to LA, Andy Dawn became mean to me. I remember her telling me that no one loved me and that Daddy didn’t love me. Then Daddy went away for a long time and so did Andy Dawn, the doctors took care of them because they were both sick.

And I remember daddy crying all the time when no one else was around. I also remember how he got so small and Uncle Jake always watched him and always was behind him walking around the house. One of the positive memories of that time was when Daddy pointed to a star and said that the star was mommy watching over us. But there were so much negative things that happened that I didn’t realize until now. Daddy was sick. Very sick, he had to go away for a while and get better, so we stayed with Aunt Sammi. Aunt Sammi was really nice and I miss her but Uncle Jinxx said she did some stuff that had hurt his feelings a lot so she and him weren’t going to be married anymore.

The one thing I’ve come to learn, I wish I were ignorant growing up; that I was naïve. If I were naive, I wouldn’t have understood what was going on. But I did understand and that makes it hurt so much more. Daddy promised one day that when he came home from tour, we would go to the movies and the zoo and the park. We never did go. Andy Dawn always got all the attention. She always needed someone to keep her on track because she was always a mess.

No matter how good I was, no one noticed me. Andy Dawn this, Andy Dawn. Andy Dawn, Andy Dawn, Andy Dawn everything. I had good manners, I ate all my food I was given, I never complained but no one ever noticed me. Uncle Jinxx taught me music, it seemed like he was the only one who noticed me. Uncle CC taught me a lot of pranks, as I got older. My favorite uncle had to be Uncle Jinxx, Uncle CC or Uncle Billie. They all influenced me a lot. While Daddy was on tour with my uncles, Uncle Billie would treat me like his daughter. He never forgot about me like daddy does sometimes. Getting attention is actually nice but I don’t complain when I don’t get any.

Eve and Kellin never got to know Mommy. All they’ve ever known is Daddy and our uncles. Big Andy always loved to pick Eve up from the beginning so over the years, they were always the closest besides Andy and Andy Dawn. Uncle Jinxx and me were pretty close for quite awhile. Uncle Jinxx has always been someone I looked up to. Especially when Mommy told me she wanted me to be successful and talented like him.

Right now, the storm outside was raging and the rain hit my windows. When I was little, I hated storms. They would terrify me and I would hide under my blankets or into someone’s side but I don’t do that anymore. No one was there when I was terrified of the thunderstorm that was very bad one night. I got over my fear myself.


I understood that daddy didn’t mean to forget about me. He had to worry about Andy Dawn for so long that I was forgotten about for a while. That was until she graduated from High school. Daddy suddenly remembered that I existed. We did a lot together for a month and then he had to tour again, when that happened; I slowly became a background object. When he returned again, he remembered me for a while and then forgot. He remembered long enough to get me mystic. I remember him coming to the stables and watching me ride. He said that I was really good and was a natural.

Eve and Kellin then went into sports. It became known that they were far better than most of the people they played with, even though they were still quite young. Everyone was so proud of them and were constantly talking about them. No one noticed me then. Uncle Jinxx did though. That’s when he gave me the cello. I already had been playing the violin for quite a while, so I was able to pick up the cello and understand it a bit.


The storm outside did nothing to help how I felt right now. Currently everyone was out celebrating Eve and Kellin that they forgot to pick me up from the stables. So I had to walk the 13 miles in the rain. When I did get home, I was beyond soaked and cold. I got my self-dry and warm and sat watching a movie in the movie room. Guardians of the Galaxy always made me feel better. Rocket always made me smile. I’ve always wanted a pet cat but I don’t know where to get one. If they don’t notice me, I doubt they would notice a cat unless it sat in front of them.

Six grade sucks. The girls are mean, the boys are immature and the teachers don’t do anything about it. Everyone makes fun of my name. Its too “weird” and it’s a name for a freak, which they also call me. Amy isn’t even my friend anymore. The people were too much so she decided to join them so they wouldn’t be mean to her. It sucked a lot but I knew I was better off without her. I’ve made honor roll multiple times but I’ve not told anyone. Its lot like they cared.

Hearing everyone come in, I stayed were I was. They didn’t need me. When my movie was over, I walked into the kitchen and no one noticed me. It was better to leave then be ignored. Going up to my room, I practiced on my cello. Tomorrow I had a huge meet in Northern California that my Aunt Adrienne was going to take me to. She was on a business trip here so she was going to take me home with her and then bring me back. The plan was to tell Daddy that I was going to a friend’s house for a few nights. He’d not think I was anywhere else.

Once all the noise died down, I waited until almost everyone was gone. It was almost 8:30 in the evening when I finally got the chance to ask. Putting up my innocent and quiet front that everyone seemed to think I had, I went and sat in the living room. When it was commercial (they were watching TV), I asked if I could go to a friend’s house for the weekend. He said I was allowed to go and he didn’t ask too much about it, so I didn’t have to lie. Aunt Adrienne was a friend technically.

^^^^^^^^^^

I went to the meet and got fourth place, which was impressive because a lot of people were there. One thing I did that kept me hidden from any of the public figuring out I wasn’t exactly who I said I was, was wearing a blonde wig when I rode and went by my middle name and my mom’s last name. So when people wanted to interview me for their newspapers, I always went by Kendall Coleman or KC. They were always impressed that a young girl was winning and doing very well in competition.

After the meet, I had a music concert. I tried to tell Uncle Jinxx but he was busy. Uncle CC was busy and so was Uncle Jinxx. Daddy had taken Kellin and Eve somewhere for soccer and I had barely seen him this week so I never got to tell him. I played in first chair for the very first time. When I played, I played with all my emotion. I played so Mommy would hear me in Heaven and be proud. Because no one came, all the other kids made fun of me more. They then liked to remind me that no one cared about me. I didn’t take it personal. I knew my family was busy so I didn’t want to bother them with making them come to a silly concert of mine.

The school year came and went and no one came to any of the events I was in. No one even remembered my 12th birthday. It didn’t upset me as much this time. It was just another day to me. It didn’t even matter. Uncle Billie remembered though. He sent me a letter and a brand new All Time Low shirt. It made me feel better. Because no one knew that I really went by Kendall Coleman most of the time, no one knew I had a twitter. I followed all my favorite bands and even my family. It hurt to see them always-posting pictures of each other and never mentioning me. Some people commented saying they thought Ashley had four kids and where was the Fourth one.

Since they did not know about my twitter, I always tweeted about my cello, my horse and my uncle Billie. Uncle Billie knew my twitter but no one else did. What 12-year-old needed twitter? I used it to keep in touch with people who were always cheering me on at meets because they thought it was awesome that I was so talented. I tweeted a picture of my All Time Low shirt and captioned it, “Got the Best Birthday present ever! My favorite Uncle gave it to me, and it’s my one of my Favorite bands. Defiantly made this Birthday better.” It made me feel special that Uncle Billie remembered my birthday even though he lived in Oakland and was touring a lot of the year. The people I live with didn’t even remember.

The summer came around and Daddy left for tour with my uncles once again. He didn’t even hug me bye this time. I was completely forgotten about this time. But it was okay in a way; Kellin and Eve needed him more. They only had him. I had Uncle Billie and Aunt Adrienne and sometimes Uncle Jinxx and CC.


There’s one thing I have come to realize, crying about things like this won't make it better. So I simply move on. They don’t remember I’m here so why try and invite them to things I’m apart of? It's sad that my own family doesn’t want to be apart of my life.

Notes

Hey! so here's the next chapter! (: I officially have no clue where i am going with this. Haha. Thankfully, i have the next chapter typed up. I don't want this to get too sad, so if it gets too sad, someone please tell me. Thanks For Reading!

Have a good Day! (:

Lots of love!
~Ash