The Broken One

***Cynthia’s P.O.V***
I sit up in bed, having been awoken from the sharp pains in my stomach. I put my hands on my abdomen, my heart rate beating faster. This isn’t normal, this isn’t supposed to be happening when you’re pregnant.
I reach over to the nightstand and flip on the lamp, illuminating the dark room with soft light. I sit up and start to feel the warm dampness underneath me. I pull the blanket back and gasp as I see the crimson blood staining my light green pajama shorts and the sheets.
“A-Andy?!”
I screech, reaching over and nudge him.
“Hmmm?”
He asks, still mostly asleep.
“Andy, wake up!”
I say, my voice filled with panic.
“What’s wrong?”
He asks, slowly opening his eyes and looking over at me. When he sees the blood his eyes go wide and he sits up.
“We need to get you to the hospital. Now”
He says, finally fully awake.
~~~
“Ms. Biersack, I'm afraid you have had a miscarriage”
The young, red haired nurse says, looking away for the first time in five minutes from the ultrasound machine’s screen.
My stomach sinks the minute the words leave her lips.
“I'm very sorry”
The nurse says, seeing the tears that begin to brim my eyes. Andy reaches over the railing off the bed and takes my limp hand in his.
“I’ll leave you alone for a few minutes while I go put this away, ok hun?”
The nurse asks, her voice sympathetic and caring. I nod wordlessly as she stands up from the black stool she was sitting on and rolls the ultrasound machine out of the small room, pulling the curtain back closed behind her. I hear the wheels squeak against the too-clean grey floor as she walks down the hallway.
“Are you ok?”
Andy whispers, his voice troubled. I shake my head and stare up at the ceiling, tears starting to roll down the sides of my face and drip onto the pillow. Andy doesn’t say anything else. What is there to say? What’s happened has happened and no amount of “it’ll be ok’s” will reverse it.
No more than five minutes later the nurse comes back in.
“I have your release papers filled out for whenever you’re ready to go. Do you have any questions or concerns about anything?”
She asks, coming over and standing at the end of the bed. I slowly sit up and nod.
“Why did this happen? Did I do something wrong?”
I ask her, watching as her expression grows soft.
“There's really no set reason why people have miscarriages. There's a number of things that could have gone wrong and caused it, very few of which are likely your fault”
She says, trying to make me feel better.
“But what was the reason it happened to me?”
I ask, needing to a definite answer. The nurse sighs.
“Well, the most probable cause in your case might be your age. Many teen mothers have problems with pregnancy because their bodies just have a hard time adjusting and changing to manage a child. This may not be the reason for you but it’s the most common in teens. Also, the emotional state of a mother can affect the health of the child”
She says.
“Emotional health?”
I ask, my mind starting to wonder
“If the mother is not mentally healthy that could affect the child negatively”
She states simply. I don’t say anything after that and she assumes I'm done with the questions.
“The bleeding should stop soon, maybe in a day or two. If there's any pain you can take some Tylenol or something. Your free to leave whenever you feel like it. Go home and get some rest”
She says, smiling sincerely before turning and leaving the room again for the final time. Andy stands up, letting go of my hand. I follow his lead and swing my legs over the side of the bed, standing up on unsteady feet.
“Let’s go home”
Andy murmurs, wrapping his arm protectively around my shoulders and planting a soft kiss on the top of my head. He guides me down the empty hallways, neither of us talking. The hospital is quiet, a peaceful quiet, the way it should be at 2:00 a.m. in the morning.
The whole walk to the car and the entire drive home, I can’t help but feel like everything that happened is my fault. The second the nurse said that emotional problems could cause a miscarriage was the second I was convinced I was to blame. The fool’s paradise I had been living in had finally come to an end just as it had every other time of my life, some things just never last. Happiness is one of those things. The only things that is different now is that I know I'm not strong enough to continue on through this never ending cycle. There isn’t going to be a happy ending, not for me.

Notes

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~becca