The Broken One

The first thing I feel when I wake up is the pounding in my head. I struggle to open my eyes and look around. The room is mostly dark. I look towards the window and see only the first hint of the sun starting to rise. I sit up and realize that I'm naked. I'm confused for a second before the remnant memories of last night start flooding back.
The memories flash through my brain and I let out a choked sob. I look around and spot my clothes laying crumpled on the floor next to my bed. I lean down and snatch them up. I hurry to put them on before crawling back under the covers and curling into a fetal position.
What if he comes back?
What if people find out about what happened?
What if people blame me?
Why did this happen?
What did I do?
All these thoughts swirl through my brain as my body starts to tremble.
I lay there for what seems like hours, crying off and on, the trembling never stopping.
I jump a foot when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see it’s a young female nurse. She looks worried. I see her lips moving but don’t even attempt to listen to the actual words. Instead I turn away from her, going back to facing the wall.
I hear her faintly, asking questions and trying to get me to say something. After a few minutes she leaves and brings my therapist in.
Mrs. Wesley sits down on the side of the bed next to me and places a hand on my arm, trying to turn me over. I pull out of her grip and stare intently at the wall.
My Fault
My Fault
My Fault
My Fault
Keeps running through my mind. All of this is my fault. If I had left that girl alone then Quinten wouldn’t have done this. If I hadn’t taken that medicine then Quinten wouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have disobeyed.
My fault
Eventually the therapist leaves. Nurses come and go all day. Some try to get me to talk while others try to get me to take my medicine. I refuse it all.
At dinner time Mrs. Wesley comes back in with a tray of food. She sets it down on the table next to me.
“You’re not going to talk are you?”
She say gently. My silence answers her question.
“Is there anything you want?”
She asks, standing up and getting ready to leave me alone again.
I start to shake my head but then I realize there is.
“Andy”
I say, voice rough from not being used for so long.
Mrs. Wesley sighs.
“I’ll see what I can do”

Notes

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~becca