Vibrator

I gently hit my closed fist against Andy’s chest, grabbing onto his shirt and sobbing into it. My head was buried into his chest as I wept.
“(NAME), it’s ok...calm down...it’s ok…” Andy’s voice was so soft, but I could sense something like fear in it.
“Andy it isn’t ok! It never has been and it never will be!” I shouted at him, my whole body shaking in his arms.
“Yes it will, we just need to find how to help you. But right now I need you to take a deep breath and calm down.” Andy rubbed my back, holding me against him. I closed my eyes, taking in a long and shaky breath. I then let out the breath, biting down on my lip. I felt like screaming my lungs out at him even though he had done nothing, but I really just had to let everything out.
“Do you want me to draw a bath and make you some tea?” Andy asked me and I nodded slowly, letting go of him and sitting back down on his bed. I didn’t want to look into his eyes. I was too embarrassed and ashamed of my sudden outburst at him. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, going into the bathroom and starting a bath. Then he went downstairs and started to make me some tea. I closed my eyes, gently grabbing my hair and sighing. I felt like I was going insane. Andy went back to the bathroom and I heard him place a cup down. I then stood up and walked over to the bathroom, hugging Andy tightly. I couldn’t control the tears that flowed out of my eyes.
“Andy...I just want to be happy again…” I said to him. “I don’t want to feel what I have been feeling. The worst part is I don’t know if I can ever be fixed. I really...need help, Andy.” I heard Andy sniffle, had he been crying? I looked up at him and his eyes were red and puffy, and he looked so sad.
“I-I know, darling. I want you to be happy also...I...I don’t want you to feel this way either.” Andy said and I nodded, letting out a louder sob before putting a hand over my mouth. I let go of him, taking off my clothes and climbing into the bath. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to try and calm myself down more. This cave only kept on getting longer and darker, and the light was almost impossible to point out. I was almost gone.

Notes

im really not doing any much better today tbh

was going to tell my teacher about it today but i didnt which made me feel worse i think

i dont even know what to do anymore

i just really need a friend who i am able to text and rant out to

thank you all for your support<3