Vibrator

I jolted awake from my dream at 1:17 in the morning, my whole body shaking and tears streaming down my face. I sat up and looked into the darkness, trying to calm myself down. That did not work though. I broke out in a fit of sobs, grabbing onto my hair and gently pulling at it. I heard a little ruffling noise aside of me, signalling that I woke Andy up.
“(NAME)?” He said my name as if he didn’t know who was crying, and in the darkness I could see him rub his eyes and sit up.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked. His facial features were barely visible due to the room’s darkness, but I felt as if he would have a concerned expression on his face.
“I-I’m sorry for waking you, A-Andy…” I said, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, starting to stand up to go to my bedroom. This had happened a few times before, me waking up in the middle of the night from the nightmares that haunted and scarred my nights, but it hasn’t ever been this bad.
His hand grabbed my wrist gently, pulling me back down into the bed. I faced him, but then looked over to the side.
“I...I can’t take this anymore…” I whispered into the silence, biting down on my quivering lip.
“What can’t you take…?” Andy asked and fiddled with the blankets with my fingers.
“Need...Needing to be here...Every thing I do everyday reminds me of what he did to me. One person can only take so much and god, have I taken over the limit. I’m so tired of pretending that everything is ok and that I am happy. I’m tired of acting like I don’t have those scars on my thighs and on my wrists. But I still have them. I’ve been trying my best to hang on and keep on pushing on, but I don’t think I can do it anymore...Kevin cracked me...but...but my dad broke me. Shattered me. I don’t know how much longer I can stay here like this, Andy…” Everything I said came out slowly, mostly because I wanted him to understand what I was saying through the tears.
“(NAME), I know things have been so hard for you lately and I feel so bad everytime I leave home and am not with you. I’m terrified everyday that one time I’m going to come home and find you dead or something...To be honest with you I’m so scared and I have no clue how to help you…” Andy said to me quietly, but not in a whisper.
“If you want to help me...remind me of the happy times that we would always have before anyone interfeared. When we would just snuggle on the couch and you’d kiss my nose. When you would sing to me and give me long hugs. When you would hold my hand where ever we would go...I loved those times so much...why don’t we have them anymore?” I asked, tears still streaming down my face.
“I...I wasn’t sure if you wanted them. I wasn’t even sure if you would want me to touch you ever again. I was scared to kiss you, to hug you, and to snuggle with you. I didn’t want you to flinch at my touch. I...I don’t want you to think that I would ever hurt you the way that those men hurt you,” Andy said. I was thankful for the dark now. It hid both of our faces so I didn’t need to see his expression and he didn’t need to see mine.
I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t. I leaned forward and hugged Andy, his arms wrapping around me also. I stayed there, resting my head on his shoulder for minutes. I felt so comfortable and safe in his arms like this, and I loved it. I let him go and he laid back down, and I laid back down next to him. I snuggled up against him, my top leg resting on top of his and my arms around him. One of his arms were wrapped around me, holding me close to him.ed around my shoulders, keeping me close to him. I closed my eyes, letting myself fade away.



I woke up early, giving Andy a few kisses to wake him up. He groaned and I saw a small smile come to his lips, but it made me smile.
"Why up so early?" He asked me and I sighed.
"Because you gave a group of hungover friends in our living room, who are going to regret ever drink they had last night very soon," I said as I got out if the bed, opening the curtains the get some light in the room.
"I'll see you downstairs in a bit," I gave Andy a smile before going downstairs. I heard a few groans and someone complaining to the other about how much his stomach and head hurt. I rolled my eyes and went into the cabinet, grabbing something that would help with the uncomfort they were all feeling. I heard Andy trotting down the stairs soon after.
The morning with them was pretty miserable for all of us, but more for them than Andy and I.

Notes

arghhh sorry that it took me longer to make an update. I fell into some deep hole.

A few nights ago everyone was yelling and I went upstairs to take a shower. In that shower I bascially sobbed, having an anxiety attack from how close I was to wanting to commit suicide. It was so scary. I obviously didn't, but I don't think I could explain to you guys how close I was to doing it. Don't know if I regret not doing it or if I'm happy I didn't, because everything is still so painful. I ended up breaking my over a month of being clean, which sucks. But ya know...