Vibrator

I woke up and saw Andy sitting in a chair in the room, not doing anything, only staring at me. Waking up and seeing Andy’s room was so comforting, not needing to see the bare walls of the room I was trapped in. A smile came to Andy’s lips once he saw I was awake and I smiled back at him.
“I would tell you good morning, but it’s one in the afternoon.” He said while standing up, walking over to my side of the bed.
“Sorry, I was so exhausted,” I answered while rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. He pulled me into a hug and I leaned against him, closing my eyes and letting myself sink into the hug.
“It’s fine, but today I want you to tell me about what happened,” He mumbled gently into my ear, kissing my cheek gently. I nodded, biting my lip as the weeks flashed through my mind all at once and fuck did it all hurt. He let go of me and I pulled up the bedsheets and moved over a bit, giving him some more room to sit down.
“I’ll just get it over with right now…” I looked over at him, eyes sagging slightly still in exhaustion.
“You don’t need to do it right now, we could do it later after we eat.” He replied quickly but I shook my head.
“N-No...I’d rather do it right now,” I said and took a deep breath, then began talking:
“The doorbell rang in the morning and I went down to get it, finding him. We talked for a bit before he grabbed me and pulled me into his car. He then drove me to his house and locked me inside, telling me where my room was. The first few nights he gave me chores to do, and then one day I screwed it up and-and he started to beat me...Hitting me and punching me...occasionally kicking me...Then-Then sometimes he got so angry he told me to go to his room where he...where he would rape me...He’d leave bruises and causes me to bleed...Everything got so bad for me I…” It was hard to finish the sentence, to tell him that I was self harming like crazy. My eyes began to water, tears streaming down my face.
“It’s ok...What did you do..?” He asked calmly.
“I-” The tears began to flow more rapidly, causing me to choke up. “I started to self harm…”
Andy’s eyes widened and his whole face looked even sadder. “I’m so...so sorry…” I said, hiding my face in my hands.
“Nononono don’t be sorry. Thank you for being so fucking strong through all of this and not giving up, I love you so much. I’ll help you get through all of this if you promise not to harm yourself ever again.” Andy said, causing me to cry harder.
“I...I promise…” I stuttered out. He moved my hands away from my face, tipping my head up to look at him.
“I love you,” he said before leaning in and kissing my lips gently and passionately. He broke the kiss and looked me in the eyes.
“If you don’t mind...I want to see the scars and bruises…” He said and I nodded, standing up in front of him. I slowly began to lift up the sweatshirt, already revealing bruises and cuts. I took it off completely, dropping it to the floor. I then unzipped my jeans and took them off showing rows of cuts covering my upper thighs. I closed my eyes, letting my arms stay at my side, wrists facing him. Tears still streamed down my face. I was so ashamed. Everything about me was ugly now. My body and my mind. All disgusting. One of my hands went up and covered my mouth, trying to muffle my sobs. Andy wasn’t saying anything and I didn’t hear him moving which scared me. But I didn’t want to open up my eyes. I heard a small noise that sounded as if he was crying, his breathing becoming weary. I then heard him take a step towards me, his fingers brushing the bruises on my stomach. He then gently picked up my wrist, his thumb brushing over the cuts, causing me to flinch at the touch of the sensitive skin.
“Oh my god, (NAME),” he finally said and thats when I lost it.
“I know they are so ugly! They make me look even worse and uglier and-and I can’t believe I did it!” I sobbed out, removing my hand from my mouth.
“N-No...just calm down...its...its fine. We should get you clean...I’ll run a bath and help you,” He kissed my forehead and I nodded, waiting for him to leave before I opened my eyes and went to my room. It was left exactly like it was before I left. I sat down on my bed, looking down at the scars and cuts on my legs. I hated them but I had the strongest urge ever to add to them. I clenched my teeth together, letting my fingers curl into the blankets, using every ounce of energy to hold the urge back. I shut my eyes tightly, slowly rocking myself back and forth; anything to calm me down.
“(NAME)? Are you ok?” I heard Andy’s voice and I looked up at him, forcing a faked smile to my lips.
“Y-Yeah...totally...ok…” I said quietly and I heard Andy sigh.
“Come here, let me get you cleaned,” Andy said. I stood up and he grabbed my hand, walking with me to the bathroom. He went behind me and unclipped my bra, taking it off of me and dropping it. The pushing down my panties. I stepped out of them and he helped me into the bath. The water burned the still fresh cuts but the pain relieved my want to cut. I crossed my arms over my breasts, feeling even more ashamed and uncomfortable about my body after all what happened. Once you break something, you can always glue back the pieces, but there would still have the crack lines in it. But could something be so broken it can’t be fixed?

Notes

people without depression dont understand that when a person who does have depression finds something that makes them happy, they are going to hold onto that thing and go to extreme measures to keep it.