Unsung Heroes

Ch. 7 Decisions, Decisions
To be honest, I was being chicken shit. Like seriously, Grade A, smelly, cowardly, chicken shit. Ashley called me basically every day after our date, and it’s been almost two weeks. He also texted me at least three times a day, and it always says something like “hey” or “you busy tonight?” or “are you ignoring me?” Well, I’m TRYING, but you’re making it pretty damn difficult!
Since that day, I got a new job at an alternative clothing store – kind of like Hot Topic but was almost solely dedicated to music and not books and movies and tv shows. It was a good job, and there was no Agnes or Maya there, so I’d say that was a step up. The pay was decent, and I was basically guaranteed to have rent paid up through the next year if I stuck with the job. I haven’t had any mishaps since then, and Angel got off my back when I got the job, so I guess you can say things settled pretty smoothly.
I was working my morning shift three weeks after my date when I heard a distinctive, male, gravelly voice that had me frozen behind me.
“Are you Indy?”
I turned slowly to see none other than Andy Biersack standing behind me, flanked by everyone in Black Veil Brides minus Ashley. CC was tapping his foot, Jinxx looked at me with calculating eyes, and Jake was eying me with curiosity.
“If I am?” I said cautiously, folding my arms over my chest and popping a hip.
CC snorted. “Then you can call Ashley and tell him to get off his ass and stop moping around!” Jinnx smacked him upside the head.
My eyes bugged out. “What?”
Jake sighed. “Ever since your date with Ashley, he’s gone from happy and carefree to depressed and moping and staring out windows and texting and calling you all fucking day.”
I felt my cheeks turn red. “Ashley’s depressed over me? Why would he be? He can have any girl he wants!”
Andy sighed. “Yeah, but apparently you’re so fucking amazing that he can’t stop thinking about you. The only reason why we know about you is that he won’t shut up about you and we saw a picture of you he took on his phone in that coffee shop you hung out in. All he does is stare at it all day. We were just walking by when we saw you in here.”
I looked down. “Did he tell you the circumstance of that meet?”
Jinxx spoke up. “All he said was he met an amazing, beautiful girl with cool hair and an amazing sense of humor that he may have ruined his chance of ever seeing again.”
I turned away. “Is that what he said?” I said coldly. “That’s funny, cause it sure didn’t seem like that when he was taking my virginity and looking like he regretted it the next morning.”
They all made weird noises when I said that.
“Indy,” I was turned to look at Jake. “Whatever issues you seem to think that Ashley has with you is all in your head. I don’t know what happened to make you think you’re an easy fuck or just a one night stand isn’t true. You ignoring Ashley is kind of killing him slowly. Last night at a bar he actually turned down this big boobed blond chick because he ‘wasn’t interested.’ As far as we knew, she was EXACTLY his type and he would have at least bought her a drink. But he basically ignored her!”
Andy nodded. “It was the weirdest fucking thing any of us have ever seen him do. That never happens unless we’re leaving for a new city that night.”
I stared at them with my mouth open. “Guys, I appreciate you guys coming down to tell me this and helping Ashley. I can tell you guys care about him and his wellbeing.” They smiled. “But,” They frowned. “This is something I’d like to keep between me and Ashley. And I’m just not ready to jump into a relationship like that. I don’t know if he told you, but I’d just ended a five year relationship with my high school boyfriend that morning. And I’d have panic attacks every time we attempted sex. I gave myself to a man I’d met THAT DAY without even thinking about it. I’m not ready for that, yet.” Jinxx frowned. “Then tell him that so he can move on, at least. The guy’s kind of turning into a shell and we’d like him back before the next tour.”
I nodded. They were right. Ashley deserved that, at least. He’d been so kind to me and even though he messaged me, he let me have my space. Mitch, on the other hand, came to the apartment three times last week, once with Maya. I’d all but thrown things at him.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll talk to him.”
They all relaxed. “Thank you,” Andy said gently. “I know that’s not easy for you to do, so I appreciate it.” The rest of them nodded in agreement. When they turned and started to leave, CC stuck back, looking at me with a gaze that said he was studying me. Then suddenly he grinned and put his hand on my shoulder.
He leaned in slightly to whisper so that the rest of the band, who were standing by the door, couldn’t hear him.
“I know you said you feel like you aren’t ready to start anew with another guy,” he said quietly. “But please consider giving Ashley a chance. I know he has a rep for being a manwhore, but he really isn’t. Manwhores sleep around and don’t have any respect for women. He idolizes women, and I can guarantee you that if you did give him a chance, even if it was to take it at an incredibly slow pace, he will treat you like a queen and you will never stop smiling or laughing with you. He really cares about you, and I have never seen him like that. Please just consider it.”
I smiled at him and nodded lightly. He grinned and almost ran back to the guys, who looked at him questioningly but he just waved them off.
“Did you just have a full conversation with BLACK VEIL BRIDES and not say anything?”
I turned to see my coworker, Barb, standing behind me with her hands on her hips, and her bubblegum pink hair loose around her face and her off the shoulder black and silver t-shirt ruffled and her black skinnies-covered legs tapping out a taboo on the ground. I grinned sheepishly. “Maybe…” She frowned. “Why?”
I bit my lip. “I kind of have a history with one of the band members and they wanted to talk to me about it…” My voice trailed off.
Barb’s eyes (she was wearing light blue color contacts and giant fake lashes and thick black liquid eyeliner) narrowed. “You know them?” She sounded disbelieving.
Looking down, I pushed past her to the backroom to the fridge. “Yeah, I guess.”
“You have to get me backstage!” I turned to see her grinning at me excitedly. “I love them so fucking much!” I smiled.
“I do too, but I don’t know them well enough to have that kind of power. But if something comes up, I’ll let you know.” Honestly, I might not even remember if something actually comes up with Ashley or the band, and I don’t even know her all that well. I’d bring Angel in a heartbeat, even though their music isn’t really her taste. But she’s my best friend, and therefore, there is WAY more of a chance of her coming than Barb.
Smiling widely, Barb turned on her heel to go back out to the storefront. I pulled out my diet Coke bottle, took a sip, and then walked back out to finish my shift.
After my shift, which ended at five, I texted Ashley to meet me at Garth’s around 7 pm to talk. He replied almost immediately with “I’ll be there!”
Afterwards, I went back home to change and to think about my options. In a way, I’m glad the band came to talk to me, even if it was in the middle of my shift. They helped me understand Ashley a bit better and now I know that my fears of being a plaything were pretty much pointless. The only think now is that if I do go into another relationship, I have to be careful with how far I tread since I just got out of a very long relationship with someone I was in fact very much in love with. In fact, I still, in a way, love Mitch. He was my first love, and therefore will always have a special place in my heart, even if he broke it. If I jump into a new relationship that soon, that could screw up everything I’ve worked for and not come out of it okay.
But at the same time, I gave myself to Ashley. Even when I was drunk with Mitch, I wouldn’t do that, and I did that with Ashley after only knowing him for a few hours and getting incredibly drunk. Which could mean that even if I’m not aware of it, my subconscious seems to trust Ashley, even when I’m at my most vulnerable.
I changed into a black Green Day top and ripped silver jeans and convers shoes. I touched up my eyeliner and then pulled on my blue and black flannel and grabbed my purse and keys and phone. When I reached Garth’s, I could see Ashley sitting at the bar, playing with a half empty beer bottle, bouncing his foot, and checking his phone every so often. He was wearing ripped jeans, a black, sleeveless V-neck, cowboy boots, and a black cowboy hat (forever the country boy ha ha). Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door and marched over to him.
He looked up at me and grinned broadly. “Hey,” he said, smiling brightly.
I smiled. “Hey.” I slid onto the stool next to him. The bartender – a young man who looked like he was still in school with spikey blonde hair – approached me.
“Just a beer, please,” I said, passing him a ten dollar bill I had stuffed in my pocket.
For a while, Ashley and I just kind of sat there drinking our beer.
“I’m glad you messaged me back,” he said suddenly.
“Well,” I took a sip from my beer. “Your… band found me,” I said quietly.
He turned red. “Oh my god, really?” I groaned. “I am so sorry if they gave you any grief.”
I laughed and put my hand on his shoulder reassuringly. “No, no, it’s fine, Ashley, really,” I said. “I’m actually glad they said something. According to them, you turned into a zombie and they wanted you back, and they helped me figure out some things.”
He suddenly looked very nervous. “Oh?”
I nodded. “Ashley, I want you to listen to what I have to say before you say anything.” He nodded and leaned in to hear me better.
I took a deep breath. “Ashley, after we woke up that day, I was honest to God TERRIFIED of what happened. I could not believe that we’d had sex, mainly because I couldn’t do that with someone I dated for years without having a panic attack. Not even when we were drunk,” I added when a look came over his face. “I gave myself to you only hours after meeting you, and that’s something I would normally never do in a million years. And I know that girls who look like me aren’t really your type, so you can’t really blame me for questioning your motives. And I want you to understand that right now, I am terrified of what I’m going to say because I was scared to face you again after I basically told you to leave me that morning.” He put a hand on mine and gave me an encouraging smile.
“Normally, I don’t think I would do this because part of me says that I shouldn’t date for a long time after a break up. But I do want to see where a relationship with you would go. It would be slow,” I added quickly when he broke into a giant grin and looked like he was going to jump up and do a happy dance on the bar. “But I do want to see where it would go. I don’t want to rush into anything, but I won’t deny that I feel something when I’m around you that I can’t explain. I gave myself to you without really thinking about it, and if you were just anyone else, I don’t think I would have done that.” Ashley was still smiling. “Thank you, Indy.” He grabbed my hands with his and rubbed his thumbs on the back of them. “I know this isn’t easy for you to do, and the fact that you are even willing to give this a chance says a lot. And just so you know, I know that you aren’t physically the type of girl I’m known to go for, but you are beautiful, and you have such an interesting personality and story that I can’t help but like you.”
Smiling, I pulled a hand from his grip and took a sip from my beer. “But,” I said. “I do have some ground rules.”
He nodded understandingly. “Fair enough.”
“Okay,” I pulled my hand from his. “Rule one,” I held up my index finger. “Don’t try and rush me into something serious right away. Sex is one thing, but it might be a while before that happens again, but who knows, maybe not.” He nodded understandingly. “Second, if we’ll be together while you’re on tour, I’m not gonna force you to make time for me to call or text me, especially if the hours are super fucking weird and you’ve done five shows in a row. However,” I said loudly. “That doesn’t mean you can do things like go to strip clubs, anymore. If you’re gonna go to a bar with the band, whatever, I don’t fucking care. But I’d rather you not go to strip clubs, If you do, no private dances.”
He rolled his eyes. “Dammit!” He said sarcastically.
I laughed. “Third, I don’t care if you flirt with other girls, but just know that my self-esteem isn’t great, and if it gets back to me that you’ve been flirting, especially if it’s sexual, I’m gonna go through every bad scenario that could result from that and I might convince myself of something that isn’t true. Fourth, I’m letting you know now that I have undiagnosed anxiety, so if you want me to do something that might trigger a panic attack from me, you better back off before I have one, because A, they don’t feel good, and B, I’m kind of unpredictable in that mindset.” Ashley was carefully listening to me throughout all of that.
“Are those the basics?” I nodded. “Do you have any you’d want to tell me about?” He nodded. “Just don’t get obsessive, don’t get mad at me for having a perverted sense of humor, don't do the same thing with guys that you don't want me to do with girls, and if you make fun of my love for Hello Kitty or gum or my dogs…” He trailed off, but the message was clear. We sat there in silence for a minute. “So… does this mean we’re official?” He said hopefully. I smiled and stood from the stool and moved over to him to lean against him straddle his lap. “You tell me?” I whispered, and pressed my lips against me, grinning internally when his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close.

Notes

Long chapter, but whatever.

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