Unsung Heroes

“Okay, I wanna now, right the FUCK now, WHO IN THE NAME OF GOD TOLD MITCH ABOUT NICOLAS?!”
Everyone in my living room looked shocked. Following the trial, Mitch was dragged kicking and screaming out of the courtroom and making threats to Maya, me, and Nicolas. He didn’t mention Nicolas by name, but he kept referring to him in all sorts of colorful ways.
“Indy, we are telling you, none of us told him about Nicolas,” Maya said insistently. “What would have any of us gained by telling that psycho about him?”
Ash stood behind me, holding Nicolas to his chest. He was awake and pulling on Ash’s hair, babbling to himself.
“At this point, it almost doesn’t matter who told him, because he knows, and threatened his safety.” Jinxx sat with his arms crossed as he spoke, glaring at a spot on the floor.
“He’s been sent to a prison in another state, so for the time being, I think you guys are fine since he cannot escape.”
I glared at CC as he spoke. “If he wanted to escape, he could.”
Andy looked thoughtfully into space. “If anything, you should find out how he knew so that if it is someone you know telling him, you can cut them out since it’s doubtable that they’ll stop.”
Ash moved to stand next to me, and Nicolas saw me from where his head rested against Ash’s arm, and reached out a chubby hand to me, babbling excitedly.
I carefully extracted him from Ash’s arms and held him to my chest, his head resting on my shoulder.
“Indy, he was basically stalking Maya, wasn’t he?” Ash questioned.
Maya nodded. “Yeah, why?”
Ash looked at us. “Well, how else would he know that she moved in with Jinxx?” There was a moment of silence.
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, but, someone could have also told him about her doing that?”
Maya shook her head. “No way, because the only people who knew about that immediately were Indy, Angel, Ash, and Jinxx. I didn’t tell anyone else.”
I looked at Angel. “You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”
Angel shook her head. “Hell no. You know me better than that, and I never liked Mitch to begin with, even when you dated him, Indy.”
Nicolas started to fuss against my chest, feeling around with his mouth. I needed to feed him.
I walked into the kitchen while simultaneously reaching under my shirt to unclip my maternity bra and pull my shirt up, lowering Nicolas to be level with my nipple so that he could latch on.
“Just so you all know,” I said slowly, turning back around. “I love you all, but if I find out that any of you were telling him about my baby, you are dead to me. My son’s safety comes before any friendship I have with any of you.”
I saw a few head nods in understanding. Nicolas was totally lax against me, his little eyes only half-closed while he nursed. His arm underneath him was curled against me, and the other was stretched up and his small fingers were curled around the collar of my shirt.
“We understand, Indy.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Well, I don’t want to worry too much, especially since he is in prison now. So, for now, at least, I don’t want to think about him, anymore.”
I turned to Maya. “You shouldn’t worry about him, either. He’s gone, and according to the lawyer, part of the terms of his sentencing is that he isn’t allowed within 100 yards of either of us, and if he violates that, he goes back to prison.”
Maya nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.” Jinxx was next to her, and he put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “He’s finally gone, so it doesn’t matter, anymore.”
CC looked around. “Does anyone else need a drink.” A number of hands went up… including mine.

The following weeks were fairly uneventful, thankfully. Gran and Gramps went back home, and Ash and I had to deal with waking up every couple hours in the night to deal with Nicolas. I got a breast pump and started to keep my breast milk in the fridge so that Ash could feed Nicolas more and I could get more sleep. I love my baby, but oh my god do I miss sleep!
Nicolas did not like eating from a bottle in the beginning. The first time we tried, it was one of his daily feedings, and as soon as it was in his mouth, his eyes grew big and he pushed it out of his mouth with his hands and started wailing. So, Ash did something that made me want to do all sorts of nasty things to him: he tricked Nicolas into eating out of the bottle. He basically just squeezed some of the milk out and dripped it into Nicolas’s mouth, and when it hit his tongue, he quieted, and started to make the sucking motion with his mouth, so Ash snuck the nipple into his mouth, and he started eating.
We reserved the bottles for nightly feedings, because since I was awake during the day and with him the majority of the time, I just breastfed him normally, and while he did both, we could tell he liked from the source better.
Nicolas – Ash started calling him Nic – was making progress normally like any other baby, the only difference being he seemed to be gaining weight fairly steadily. He was at the age where he couldn’t hold himself up, yet, but he was very self-aware. His eyes couldn’t see a whole lot, yet, but he thought Ash was the funniest fuzzy thing he’d every encountered. Probably because Ash’s new favorite thing was to lay him down – usually on our bed – and mess with him. Usually, that was Ash coming at him from above with his eyes big and mouth wide, and his hands big. He would pretend to nibble on his neck and squeeze him with his hands and make cooing and/or munching noises. Nicolas couldn’t laugh yet, but he made huffing noises and wriggled around excitedly. I have way too many cute videos on my phone of Ash playing with him, and I made a montage of them and put them on YouTube and Instagram.
After Nicolas was born, Ash announced it on social media with a photo of Nicolas’s feet and all the post said was “Nicolas David Purdy, six pounds, 19 inches, born at 3:42 am on 11.12.2017”. With Christmas so close to his birthday, we got a lot of baby toys and clothes in the mail. During the holidays, Nicolas slept through most, but I got some cute pictures of him with new toys. It was now January, and Ash was starting to get back to work with Black Veil Brides.
Christmas wasn’t something I took that seriously, to be perfectly honest. Because my family was Catholic, church was a central part of Christmas, and Mass was something that was very important to my grandparents. There were no gifts. There was no big dinner. There was early morning Mass, praying all day in Church, and then going home and eating a standard dinner before going to bed.
So, basically, because Christmas wasn’t very festive for me growing up, I never really celebrated it after I came to America. Imagine Ash’s surprise to know that:
“Hey Babe, it’s the 13th, when do you want to get a tree?”
I looked up at Ash from where I sat on the ground with Nicolas on my lap, letting him chew on my fingers.
“A tree?”
He looked at me from where he sat at the counter, his coffee and phone in hand. “Yeah, a tree for the apartment?”
I looked at him questioningly. “A tree for…” I spoke slowly.
He looked at me seriously. “You’re joking, right?”
I shook my head, adjusting Nicolas in my arms so that he was more comfortable and I didn’t have to strain against his body to hold him.
“No, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Ash laughed good-natured. “Indy, Christmas is in less than two weeks.”
I straightened up in realization. “Oh, yeah, Christmas.”
Ash turned to me fully from where he sat, looking at me questioningly.
“Indy, do you not like Christmas?”
I shrugged. “Well, not exactly. I don’t dislike it, but I never really celebrated it like Americans do. Not even like most Brazilians do.”
Ash looked puzzled. “What do you mean, exactly?”
I looked at Nicolas and handed him his stuffed rabbit, which he let rest against his stomach and he stared at it wide-eyed.
“For my family, as practically fanatical Catholics, Christmas wasn’t about celebration. It was about deep reflection of faith and Christ. We never got gifts, or had parties, nice dinners, or anything like that. We went to Mass, prayed all day, came home for a normal dinner, and went to bed.”
Ash looked at me sympathetically. “That doesn’t sound very fun. Didn’t your parents do Christmas while you were living with them in America?”
I grimaced slightly. “Yeah, we did. We got the tree and I got presents and had a great dinner and we went to just the Christmas service at the local church. The first Christmas I spent with my grandparents, I was chastised for even suggesting a nice, family dinner.”
Ash stood up and walked over to me. He carefully extracted Nicolas from my arms and blew a raspberry on his cheek, making him wriggle excitedly and breathe huffily, almost like a laugh, but not quite.
“Well, that changes right now. This is my first Christmas not just with you, but with our son. And we are going to celebrate it with a tree, presents, a big dinner, maybe a party, and you’re gonna forget every single boring, not-fun Christmas you’ve ever had!”
This proceeded into getting a tree with Nicolas, who didn’t give two fucks what was happening and sucked on Ash’s star necklace the entire time while Ash cradled him against his chest. Then we went to Target and Toys R’ Us for presents for all of us – with Ash not letting me look in the cart when he put something in for me. I had my own cart with gifts for both my boys.
On Christmas morning, I had lots of stuffed toys for Nicolas and new clothes for him, and for the future, I was already ready with new teething rings and toys. For Ash, I got him new clothes, new belt buckles, a really nice bottle of whiskey – not Jack Daniels because that shit’s nasty – and new tour gloves. Ash got me new pants – I was bitching about how during my pregnancy before I switched to maternity pants, I stretched out my skinnies – new workout clothing, he got me new makeup to replace some of the stuff I’d run out of, and new gauges and piercings to replace the ones in my ears and face.
For the dinner, I wanted to make it, but Ash kicked me out of the apartment for the afternoon, with Nicolas. So, I took him to a park and laid him out on a blanket in the grass and laid with him, and took a nice little nap with him.
When I came home with Nicolas, Ash had decorated the apartment with candles and wreathes and tinsel, and a nice, homemade dinner was waiting for us. I told Ash it was adorably corny and enjoyed my first real Christmas with him.
And before anyone asks, I never celebrated Christmas with Mitch because he was an atheist who fervently was against Christmas.
Now, in January, we were finally getting into a routine and getting Nicolas on a schedule. I resigned from my job at that clothing store since I couldn’t do that and take care of Nicolas at the same time. Barb was disappointed, but we kept in touch.
I started posting weekly vlogs that mostly focused on me and Nicolas, and Ash when he came home from being either in his studio where he worked on his clothes or at the recording studios he went to for BVB. Those were my most popular ones, but most gushed over how cute Nicolas was and how much he changed as he grew.
The first time he smiled, I was watching Ash play with him on the couch. Nicolas was laying on Ash’s legs, and Ash was over him, making face and silly noises while tickling his sides. Nicolas was doing his huffy laugh, when suddenly, his mouth stretched wide and open to reveal his toothless gums, and it was his first, real grin. Ash stopped in shock and looked up at me in shock.
“Has he ever smiled with you?” He asked excitedly.
I shook my head. “No, he hasn’t. That’s the first time!”
Ash smiled down at Nicolas, who was still huffing and smiling. “You’re smiling! You’ve never done that before, have you?!” We both then proceeded to shower him with kisses, and he gave me a slobbery kiss in return.
I started going back to the gym, and decided to give my dance career another go. After struggling for a while, I found a studio where I could practice privately and not worry about a class intruding or having to take a class that wasn’t advanced enough for me. I only decided to take one class to help with my flexibility; ballet. I found a class that focused more on that side of the dance and didn’t do recitals or performances, but outsourced the dancers to find their own programs and performances to make their careers.
I was still putting off sex with Ash. I was just not comfortable in my body, yet. My scar on my crouch where the tear was had healed over more, and was no longer a dark, incredibly visible line, but you could still definitely see it. My stretch marks haven’t really gone away, though I didn’t really expect them to. I gained 25 pounds when I was pregnant, and after Nicolas was born, and the inflated part of my stomach decreased, I was left with a fairly significant weight ring around my hips, making wearing my jeans nearly impossible. That was my biggest annoyance, as of right now. I did not want to be undressed around Ash until I got rid of at least ten pounds of it, first.
I went back to weight training, cardio, and going to my private sessions and class at the dance studio. I took Nicolas to a lot of it, and set him up in his car seat wherever I was so that I could see him. He slept most of the time, and if he was awake, I made sure he had something he could hold onto to amuse himself, which was either the stuffed bunny I gave him, or a plastic ring that had three massive plastic keys in it.
I usually spent the mornings in these classes before going back to the apartment. Nicolas now had his own set up in the living room, which was a playmat with a plastic arch over it with toys dangling from it. It made noises if he reached up and pulled on them. There were stuffed toys everywhere and a permanent bin with diaper stuff in it in the corner next to one of Ash’s amp set ups for any emergencies.
Nicolas’s nursery was minimal in furniture, but decorative in theme. Ash and I decided to make the theme of the room music, so Ash painted a mural on the wall of instruments and musical notes in his graphic design way, and there were stars like the ones on Ash’s arms and necklaces, and the colors of the room were black and red. The furniture was all painted black, and the sheets in the crib and the cushions on the rocking chair were all a deep, cherry red. There were framed photos on the walls of instruments and photos of Ash playing on stage and of Nicolas and all three of us together. Nicolas had way too many stuffed animals in his room. There were several in the crib along the edges so keep Nicolas from going into the edges. We got a mobile, and it was stars and planets and made a tinkling, musical sound.
We had a bassinet for the first month or so for Nicolas to have him in our room, but with how much weight he was gaining, it wouldn’t be long before we would have to move him into a crib so that he could stretch and move. The changing table was the only thing without a red accent, because the cushion on top was the white that came with it. I did not want to constantly get shit and piss out of a red sheet and would rather just wash off the white one.
We did decide to start putting Nicholas down in the nursery when he started to babble to himself before falling asleep, and regretted that decision almost immediately.
Nicolas did not like being in his room at first. At all. Like, the first few nights, he was screaming himself sick, so we sat with him in the room until he fell asleep. Ash didn’t like having the bassinet in the bedroom, and he was breaching the subject of sex more and more.
We haven’t gotten into any real trouble over it, yet. But I can tell Ash is getting testy, especially considering we haven’t had sex since I was around six months pregnant, when I was at my absolute limit.
I’d turned him down a few times already, but it won’t surprise me if the next time he brings it up, he really has something to say about it.
Today we took it easy. Ash spent all day at home, with me and Nicolas. We got Thai takeout and were cuddling up while watching American Horror Story together. Nicolas was sleeping in the nursery.
“Babe?” Ash said slowly, setting down his takeout to wrap an arm around me. “You feeling okay?”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Kind of an odd question, but, yeah, why?”
Ash hesitated, but took my takeout from me and then, suddenly, I was pulled up by my waist to rest in Ash’s lap, and his hands came down to clasp my ass and squeeze it. Not gonna lie, that felt pretty damn good.
“Because, well…” Ash said slowly, dragging his words out and pressing his forehead to mine and sensually massaging my sides.
I hesitated. “Really, now? Um…”
Ash sighed deeply, sounded frustrated. Yup, here we go. He rested his head against my chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly to bring me flush against him. I brought my arms around to hug him back around his shoulders and rested my head on his shoulder.
“Indy… what are you so afraid of? That I won’t be attracted to you anymore for going through childbirth? Babe, that’s ridiculous. You know that I don’t think that way.”
I hesitated a response. “It’s not that…”
Ash looked up at me, and waited for me to continue.
I looked away, blushing as I spoke. “It’s me… I’m afraid I will see how I look and not like it. And I know that after you have a baby, the first time you have sex is supposed to be the most painful. Not only that, but I feel like I’m still recovering.”
Ash listened to me speak silently, his face not betraying his feelings in the slightest. When I was done, he watched my face carefully, while I waited, flushed, waiting for him to ridicule me for my silly thoughts and tell me I was wrong.
What I wasn’t expecting was for him to suddenly wrap his arms around my legs and stand up, holding me against his chest. I yelped and held on tightly, and felt him walk into the bedroom, before setting me down.
“Ash, what are you doing?” Even though I was fully dressed and nothing had happened, I suddenly felt very exposed.
He sat on the bed in front of me, and pulled his shirt over his head.
“Indy, take your shirt off.”
I looked at him in surprise and crossed my arms under my breasts to avoid pressing against them.
“Excuse me?”
“Just do it, baby. I’m trying to make a point, here.”
Hesitantly, I reached for the hem of my black t-shirt and pulled it over my head, so I was only in my sweatpants and maternity bra. It was plain, black fabric with no underwire and was designed to help me breastfeed with movable fabric and a front clasp.
Ash stared at my chest lustily for a moment before looking me in the eyes, again.
“Take off the bra too, babe.” Shakily, I reached up for the clip between my breasts and undid it, letting it fall to the floor. I wanted to cover myself up desperately, but thanks to Ash’s watchful gaze, my enlarged, sore breasts with sore and sensitive nipples remained revealed to the cool air.
Ash stood up and put his hands on my shoulders, and turned me around, and I realized he had me facing the full length mirror we set up in the room. He moved to stand behind me, his hands still on my shoulders.
“Indigo, tell me,” he said quietly. “What do you see?” Him calling me by my full first name was a little startling.
I looked behind me. “Do I really have to do this?”
Ash gently took my chin with the hand behind my head and pulled my face back around.
“Indy, just tell me what you see.”
I finally looked at myself in the mirror and immediately felt everything tighten, internally.
My chest had stretched from pregnancy and breastfeeding, so my nipples were very dark, and there were stretchmarks on them. My abs were gone, and I had a pudge around my hips that bothered me, and my thighs had grown in size. I looked ballooned and swollen. I felt the world narrow around me and my reflection, and there was nothing standing between me and my naked self and emotions, which I could feel starting to well up from within me.
“I see a ballooned body covered in stretch marks and fat.” I mumbled under my breath.
Ash came up behind me, and I was suddenly aware he was in the room, again, and that he had taken off his pants and was just in his underwear. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, and his head was above mine. He met my gaze in the mirror, and very slowly, without letting go of me, slid to the floor next to me, moving under my arm. His fingers came down to curl around the waistband of my sweats, and slowly slipped them over my hips and down my legs to pool at my feet before helping me out of them.
You could now see the fat in my legs, the stretch marks, and where the muscle had weakened from lack of exercise.
“That’s not what I see,” Ash said quietly. “Do you wanna know what I see?”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t even move, so how could I be expected to speak?
Ash came back up behind me and wrapped his arms under my chest.
“I see a mother. I see a woman who put her body through the ultimate test to push a human being out of her, and this is the result of her loving and caring for my baby. You gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for, and the result of that is a body with battle scars that show how hard her body worked to create another human. The day you feel ashamed about that is the day I hang up my bass.”
He cupped my breasts. “Not to mention, you are his only source of food until he starts only eating formula and baby food.” So he was into my enlarged chest, big fucking surprise.
My face felt hot and my lip was trembling.
“And you know what else?” He whispered, getting close to my ear, still looking me in the eye.
“She is still the sexiest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
It felt like Ash took all the insecurities I’d had since Nicolas was born and wiped it away like they were listed on a whiteboard he erased clean. I had yet to confront any of them, primarily because a great many of them had to do with Ash seeing me in my truest, rawest form. Him telling me he still thought I was beautiful was apparently exactly what I needed to hear.
I turned and wrapped my arms tightly around Ash’s torso and buried my face into his chest, feeling my tears make it wet.
Ash’s arms stayed tight around me. He backed us up and against the bed, sitting down and pulling me down on top of him so that I was straddling him, again.
I suddenly felt a release of pressure in my chest, and whimpered as I realized I was leaking my breastmilk all over Ash’s chest.
I pulled away sharply before it was more that a few dribbles, and turned my head away.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I’m leaking all over you.”
What I wasn’t expecting, was for Ash to suddenly lean forward and latch onto my nipple. I gasped and jerked in his grip as he sucked, and sucked hard. As in milk was coming out into his mouth, directly.
“Ash, you’re gonna drain me,” I gasped, feeling my entire body tingle down to my core.
Ash let go of my nipple and dragged his lips across my chest to the other nipple, and sucked equally hard on the other one, draining the other one of milk. I gasped again.
Ash kissed up my breast up my neck to the side of my face. I dragged my face against his to bring his mouth towards mine and kissed the side of his face as I did, before finally finding his lips and kissing long and hard.
I ground my crouch down into Ash’s, hard, and felt his length growing against me. Ash’s hands slip up my sides to tangle into my hair, which I had been neglecting to dye because of Nicolas, so my hair was growing out and turning into my natural color, which was black. I wrapped one arm around his shoulder and hooked around the back of his neck, and the other one was tangled into his hair, gripping the side of his head.
Without warning, Ash flipped me onto my back, and stood at the foot of the bed. I pulled myself up to the head of the bed, and relaxed against the pillows.
Ash got onto the bed and crawled toward me, watching me with lust-glazed eyes. When he reached my feet, he suddenly grabbed me by my ankles and yanked me down closer to him, and I let out a short laugh in surprise, but stretched out under him. He smirked, and reached for the hem of my bikini underwear, and yanked them down my legs. I lifted my hips up as he did to help him out, and before he could do anything further, I sat up and forced him onto his ass, reaching for the waistband of his boxer-briefs.
“Indy?” Ash questioned in a shaky voice, watching me with glazed eyes.
I pushed him back further so that he was nearly laying down, but didn’t stop him from popping up onto his elbows to look down at me.
I looked up at him and met his dark eyes as I slipped my fingertips under the waistband of his underwear and slowly pulled them down his hips, not letting go of his gaze as I pulled them down his legs and tossed them somewhere behind me.
I took him within my grasp gently, and started to move my hand up, squeezing gently. I could feel him tremble underneath me as he took a shaking breath.
Taking a deep, calming breath, I moved my hand up and down his length, feeling myself fully appreciate the long shudder and moan that wracked his body. He thrust up into my hand, and reached out to grasp the sides of my head and bring me to him to kiss me, deeply. Our tongues tangled together as I moved my hand, running my thumb over the crown.
Before I had any time to react, my hand was knocked away and I was suddenly on my stomach, and Ash’s hand was clasped over my eyes.
“Keep ‘em shut.” He growled into my ear, gently biting one of the hoops in my cartilage.
I shuddered at the commanding tone in his voice, and relaxed against the bed, nodding once and closing my eyes. He moved off of my back and I could hear him messing around somewhere behind me, and I could hear the rustle of fabric against fabric and flesh.
Suddenly, there was a piece of fabric tied over my eyes, and my body felt like a live-wire, totally sensitive to all of his touches. He grasped the back of my neck and pulled me upright.
“Lay on your back at the head of the bed, and put your hands over your head.”
I could come just from the tone in his voice.
Nodding my understanding, I slid myself down and rested my head on a pillow, and raised my hands over my head, growing anxious with anticipation.
He grasped my hands and tied them together with more fabric and I felt him stretch me down to tie my hands to the bedframe. He had me exposed and open to his touch.
“This is one of your fantasies, isn’t it?” He murmured into my ear, startling me. “Being tied up, blindfolded, and exposed entirely to be played with until you go insane?” He licked the side of my face.
“Well, tonight, I’m gonna give you everything you want, and I won’t let up until you beg me to.” He bit down on my neck, making my back arch. “So I’m hoping you’ll hold out for at least an hour or two, because I wanna see how long it’ll take before you cave.”
I was so hot, my nerves were quivering, and I could feel how wet I’d become on the inside of my thighs.
“Oh, and one more thing, babe,” He whispered. “You can’t come until I say so, and if you disobey, you’ll be punished.”
Oh God, I love this man.

Notes

Holy fucking shit it's been WAY too damn long! Well I am soo sorry that it took me this long, I always hated when people took their time to update their stories, and now I have become that person!
Well, to answer some questions as to why it took me so long, I got a second job! Yes, I now have two jobs, and I am still in school! Not only that, but I joined the speech and debate team at my college, and that ate into a lot of my time.
But now that I am on break, I will post as many chapters as I can, especially since I don't go back to school pretty much until February.

So please, as always (and don't worry, I'm writing the next chapter as you read this, the next one will be posted soon!)
Don't forget to rate, comment, and subscribe!

BlackIris