My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's Pov:

"Guys! Knock it off!"

I groaned and I turned on the other side of the bed. Why was Ronnie screaming so loud? I searched for Ashley with my eyes closed but I found nothing. The bed was empty.

"Chris! Get off of him for fuck's sake!" Andy shouted and I heard some banging noise.

'What the fuck?!'

I stood up and I looked on the window. Andy and Jinxx were holding a bloody Chris and CC and Ronnie were struggling to keep Ashley from charging at Chris.

"If you will ever look at her the wrong way, I will kill you with my bare hands!" Ashley screamed and almost punched Ronnie because he was holding him.

"She has a thing for me, fucker!" Chris spat and struggled to get out off Andy's grip.

"She has nothing for you! SHE IS MINE, CHRIS!"

"She kissed me back, you son of a bitch!"

Ashley got rid of CC and Ronnie and lunged for Chris once again. My eyes widened in shock and I threw a robe over my naked body as I opened the bus door with shaking hands.

"What the fuck is going on?" I screamed as I ran out.

Everyone's eyes snapped to me and they looked at me worried. Chris was bleeding from his nose and mouth and I could see that Ashley had his ribcage bruised. My mind started to scream profanities at me knowing that this was only my fault. They beat each other up because of me. Every fucked up thing happened because of me.

"Nikki, get inside!" Ashley said calmly.

"No! What...Why are...What the fuck is your problem?!" I screamed at Chris, feeling the tears burning my eyes.

"Nikki-" Ronnie caught my arms just I was about to punch Chris myself.

"Why are you here?!!" I yelled as my tears spilled.

"I came to talk to you." He said quietly as Andy and Jinxx let go of him.

"Why?!!! I don't have anything to say to you!"

"You do! You know what happened between us!" He spat getting in front of me.

"I don't give a flying fuck about it! Leave! I don't wanna see you ever again!"

My body started to shake badly as I saw the hurt look on Chris's face. He looked broken, destroyed. My heart ached, knowing that it wasn't his fault. He thought that Ashley and I were over. That's why he made his move. He thought that I was free. But now he was pushing it too far.

He gulped and stormed off as Ronnie was drawing soothing circles on my back. Andy and Jinxx were looking at me worried while CC placed a hand over Ashley's shoulder. I saw his fists clenched and he was biting his lip hard. I knew in that moment that he was on the edge.

But so was I. The urge to cut myself came back again and I had to take a deep breath and sustain myself. Ashley relaxed his position and took a step towards me. Ronnie's arms left my body as Ashley placed a hand over my cheek. CC and Jinxx threw me one last glance and I nodded. They left while Ronnie got a call and Andy was eyeing us suspicious.

"I'm sorry." Ashley whispered and wrapped me in his arms.

I motioned to Andy and Ronnie to leave and they did as Ashley kissed the top of my head. I couldn't lean in his touch. I couldn't wrap my arms around him. All I could do was stare at the sky and bawl my eyes out.

"Nikki? You okay, Tiger?" He said looking at me worried.

In that moment, I smelled the alcohol. He was drunk. I wandered my hands over his bruised torso and over his busted lip. He shivered and clenched his fists again. I walked past him inside the bus, angry that he was drunk and reckless and I threw my robe off. Ashley followed me and I felt his gaze on my naked body as I opened my closet. I couldn't stay here. I needed out. I had to clear my head somehow.

"What are you doing?" He asked confused as I started to dress myself.

"I need to get out off here." I said shoving my legs in some jeans.

"I'm coming with you."

"No. I need to be alone." I said wiping away my tears.

He didn't hear me. He was already dressing and he didn't wait for an answer. I knew that probably he figured out that I wanted to cut. That's why he insisted to come. I got pissed as I slid in my combat boots and I grabbed my phone. He caught my arm just I was about to exit the bus and shoved me against the door. I tried to push him away, feeling the tears in my eyes again but he pinned my arms above my head.

"How dumb do you think I am?" He growled in my face.

"Ashley, don't! Just let me out!" I begged, feeling my fingers numb.

"Why?! You wanna go to Chris? Why were you crying when you yelled at him? It was all just an act, wasn't it? You really do feel something for him!"

My heart stopped in my chest as I looked at him. He wasn't worried that I wanted to cut myself. He thought that I wanted to go back to Chris. How can he be so dumb?! After I sent Chris straight to hell, he really thought that I wanted to go after him? After I agreed to marry him? After he finally helped me to.....

"What are you talking about?" I whispered as tears were rolling on my cheeks.

"That's what you wanna do, right? You wanna go to Chris and tell him that you lied. That you didn't mean to say those things-"

"Ashley, stop! You're talking bullshit!" I spat and I tried to get away from his grip.

"Am I? How many guys are you gonna screw, huh? Why the fuck do you keep lying to me?!" He screamed and let go of my hands.

"I'm not lying to you! What the fuck do you want me to do?! Crawl into a hole and never get out?!" I screamed back hurt.

"That would be an option, Nikki! I changed for you for fuck's sake! You didn't!!" He spat opening a bottle of Jack.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I said shocked.

"I'm not ME anymore! I fell in love with you! I stopped partying, I stopped fucking random girls every night, I stopped being an ass to everyone only because of you! Because I fucking love you! And you did nothing! You only lied to me that you love me!" He screamed and I saw tears filling his eyes.

"How can you say that? I saved your fucking life, Ashley! I wanted to die because I thought you forgot about me! How the fuck dare you to tell me that I don't love you?! I fucking love you with all I have!" I yelled digging my nails in my palm.

"No, you don't! You just used me. And you use everyone else. You make me sick sometimes, you know? The way-"

"Ashley, stop!" I said choking in my own tears.

"....you smile at everyone. The way you seem to be comfortable with everyone. What's next? Are you gonna tell me that you slept with Ronnie too?"

"Ashley, you're drunk!" I screamed hurt.

"Or that you're still sleeping with Andy? You're a whore, Nikki!" He said smashing his glass against the wall.

My heart cringed in my chest. That's what he thinks. I am a whore. A manipulative bitch who only uses guys for her personal interest. He didn't believe me when I told him that I loved him. He thought that I was using him. That I sleep with every famous guy I see. He came closer to me but I was just too shocked to notice the deadly expression on his face.

"And I still love you! After all you did to me! I still do! You slept with Andy, you slept with hundreds of guys when we weren't together, you almost slept with Chris, for fuck's sake! And I still can't let you go!" He yelled grabbing my cheeks.

Tears were streaming his beautiful face as he entangled one of his hands in my hair, keeping the other on my cheek. I could barely move and I didn't even flinch when he slammed me back against the door.

"You saved my life! That's right! But did you think when you wanted to take your own? Did you think about me??! Did it ever ocurred to you that I might die as well? Did you know that while you were in a coma I thought of several ways to kill myself just because I thought that you're not gonna wake up anymore?!"

He looked at me helpless as he kept sobbing uncontrollably. I reluctantly lifted my hand to caress his cheek but he slapped it away.

"Why are you doing this to me? Why every single mistake you do makes me love you even more? And why can't you just love me back?"

The anger burst. I got away from his grip and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I pushed him as far as I could while he glared at me.

"I LOVE YOU! I FUCKING LOVE YOU! And I'm sick of it! You can go to hell for all I care! After all, I don't think you wanna spend the rest of your life with a whore, right? I mean it's not like you only fucked whores in your whole miserable life! It's not like you fucked everything that had boobs! It's not like you left another girl pregnant and then you were too damn scared to take care of your own fucking child!"

"Nikki!"

"No! What are you going to do? HIt me? Be my guest, Purdy! I don't care! Not anymore!"

He grabbed the back of my neck and slammed his lips on my own but I was too hurt and too enraged to fall for his tricks. I pushed him back and I stared at him emotionally drained.

"We're over, Ashley. We can't be together. We just don't fit!" I said calmly.

"Don't give me this shit! How many times did you say this? We always end up together! Do you even believe yourself?!"

"This time, I do! I'm a whore! Therefore, I'm gonna sleep with half of LA just because I fucking can!" I spat wondering what the fuck am I saying here.

My heart is breaking in my chest seeing him like this and still, I can't stop hurting him. He hurt me way too much and now I was doing the same thing! Why? All I wanted to do was shut his mouth and hide in his arms but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Stupid fucking pride!

"You're not gonna do that!" He said simply.

"Why not? I'm a whore!"

"Okay, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that! But-"

"No, you shouldn't! Just like you shouldn't have yelled in my face that I don't love you! When you fucking screamed in my face that my love was the only thing that you were sure of just a few days ago!"

"I'm sorry." He said looking away. "I just can't control myself! I see red everytime someone looks at you in the wrong way!"

"Why are you blaming me? Why are you saying that I don't love you?!" I screamed exhausted.

"Because I'm scared that one day, you will agree with me. You will tell me that you never loved me and that all you ever wanted was fame." He whispered quietly.

My insides were screaming. It was like trying to convince a 5 year old that there are no mosters under the bed. They always believe there are. No matter how many times I told Ashley that I loved him, he wasn't going to believe me. The trust between us was long gone and I knew it but I never knew that it could be so bad.

"What do we do now?" I asked quitely as I looked at him helpless.

"I don't know. I love you so much that it hurts. It's like I am some freak! no matter how many times you hurt me I just can't give up!"

"Shhhh... Can you believe me when I tell you that I love you?" I asked placing a finger on his lips.

"i ......I guess so...."

"Good. Goodbye, Ashley!" I said as I stepped over the broken glass and my shattered heart.

Notes

So.......I had a totally different chapter written. But I had a fight with my bf and that's what came out! It seems that I just can't end this story too soon.....

Anyway, let me know what you think.

Should I let them suffer more? Or should I finally give them some happiness?

Comment and tell me.

Love ya guys! xxxx