My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's Pov:

Ashley just slapped me!

I felt him kneeling near me and wrapping me in his arms but my body was numb. My eyes widened and my mind went a long time ago. In that moment, I remembered my dad and the last time he hit me, in the day he died.

Flashback:

"Where is my bloody coffee, Nicole?!" Dad yelled and I almost dropped the cup.

I sighed as I handed him the cup and I couldn't help but smile as soon as I turned my back to him. I couldn't think about anything because I was too excited. Today I was finally going to get that Ashley Purdy quote tattooed on my arm. "Breathe. It's only a bad day, not a bad life."

Kaylie and I were going to ditch school and we will get to Chase's salon to get it done. I smiled, remembering how the fucker always complained about the fact that I wasn't 18 yet, even though I always convinced him. This was already my fourth tattoo and my puppy face worked every time.

"This has no sugar in it!" Dad yelled and I cursed myself for forgetting to get the sugar in his damn coffee.

"I-I'm sorry, dad. I'll bring you-"

"Can't you just do something right for once in your goddamn life?!"

He raised his right hand so fast that I didn't even have time to run. His palm collided forcefully with my cheek, sending me leftwards. I landed on my knees and hands as tears spilled from my eyes, feeling a burning pain in my cheek.

End of flashback.

Ashley slapped the same cheek, making me land in the same position and triggering my shock.

"Nikki, forgive me! I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking..."

I was hearing him but I couldn't move. That memory kept playing over and over in my head while I got the urge to cut myself again. Just like I always did after dad hit me. Like it was my own way to punish myself after someone already did that.

"Leave me alone." I managed to say between my clenched teeth.

"No, Nikki, I'm not leaving. I'm so sorry-"

"I know. Just leave me alone for a few minutes." I said and I didn't even recognize my voice.

He helped me stand up and I grabbed the counter to support my weight. He watched me confused as to why I couldn't move and my eyes were widened. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and I realized that they were no longer blurry. The son of a bitch got scared shitless and sobered up immediately!

He left the bus while my mind kept reliving the moment when dad slapped me. I involuntarily started to walk towards the bunk to grab my phone and I realized that I wasn't controlling my body! I was in shock! Just like that night when Damon died! I felt the same way! Like someone else was controlling my body!!

I cursed myself for being so stupid to let Ashley leave as I opened my phone case and pulled the razor out. Tears started to roll on my cheeks as I opened it and rolled my left sleeve up. I knelt down and I took a deep breath.

"You did what?!" I heard something that seemed to be Andy's angry voice.

I drew the first cut and for the first time I felt the horrible pain I've put myself through so many times.

"She's in shock, you idiot! You shouldn't have left her alone!" Andy screamed and I heard the front door of the bus opening.

Another cut.

"Nikki!"

The third cut. Damn it, Andy just get your ass here faster!!

He opened the door and I barely managed to take my eyes off of the dripping blood. Ashley was right behind him and he widened his eyes when he saw me. Andy took a step towards me and my right hand clenched around the razor, cutting my palm.

"Nikki, you're in shock." Andy said quietly but stopped walking.

'No shit, Sherlock! You think I don't know?!' I thought to myself because I couldn't speak.

"Give me the blade." Ashley said and extended his left hand to me.

'Didn't you just heard him?! I'm in shock! I can't move, you asshole!'

I clutched the blade even harder and I gritted my teeth in pain.

"She's gonna harm herself more if we get closer." Andy said and dragged Ashley away from me.

"What do we do? How do we stop her?" He asked desperately as tears streamed his face.

My eyes were glued to Andy's as I felt my right hand going back to chop my left.

'C'mon Andy! Remember what happened last time!' I thought as I drew another cut.

"I don't know!"

"K... Kn..." I managed to say through gritted teeth.

"What is she saying?" Ashley asked scared.

"Kn..."

"Knife?" Ashley asked.

"Knives and pens?" Andy said.

'I'm gonna kill myself ten times with you two!!!!'

"Kno..." I tried again as I drew another cut.

"Knock..." Andy said as my eyes met his.

"Knock out! She wants to be knocked out! That's how Kaylie stopped her!" Ashley yelled.

'Wow! Apparently, it's a brain in that pretty little head of yours, Ashley.' I thought surprised.

"I'm not hitting her!" Andy screamed

"Me neither!" Ashley said pissed.

"Why not? You already did!"

"I'm not doing it again!!"

'Can someone please hit me already?!' I thought as I let out a growl and I drew another cut.

Andy sighed and left. He came back holding a frying pan and I clenched my teeth harder, knowing that this was going to hurt like a bitch.

"I'm so sorry, Nikki." He said before I saw the frying pan coming closer and everything went black.

A few hours later.....

I groaned as I felt my head pounding.

"Nikki? Thank God you're okay!" He said and I opened my eyes.

His beautiful eyes were filled with tears and his expression was worried. I tried to stand up and as soon as I managed to, he pulled me in his arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm an idiot. I was drunk and pissed and you said those things and it made me even more angry and I-"

I looked at him dumfounded and I placed a finger over his lips, stopping his blabbing.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?"

Notes

For some reason I laughed my ass off when I wrote the shock part :)))

Love yaaaa people!