My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Ashley's Pov:

I laughed hard at CC's failed attempt to drink whiskey as I sipped my beer. This guy just wasn't made for strong drinks. We were now at Barry's bar and we had three more bars to visit. I was a little tipsy and so were the guys. Troy stayed sober and said that he's gonna get drunk only after Liverpool (random team :D) will win the game.

"Jesus! How the fuck can you drink this poison?!" He asked grimacing.

"It's a gift!" Andy answered laughing. My phone buzzed and I saw that I had a text from Kaylie.

"Get to the hospital fast! Room 156!"

I almost dropped my beer and everyone looked at me weirdly. I immediately dialed her but her phone was off.

"You okay, man?" Jake asked worried.

"Kaylie just told me to get to the hospital and now her phone is off."

Their smiles disappeared as they stared at me dumbfounded. I thought about Nikki and I couldn't see any reason of why she would be in the hospital.

"C'mon man! Nikki's fine! Maybe they just wanna prank you! I bet Colleen's involved too." Ryan said shrugging.

"Maybe. But I'll get there just to be sure!" I answered as I stood up.

"I'm coming with you!" Andy said and stood up as well.

"Nah, stay here. If it's a prank you're leaving for nothing."

"Call us as soon as you get there and tell us what happened, okay?" Jinxx asked worried.

"Yeah, I will."

Troy called me a cab and I exited Barry's bar. I was nervously biting my lip, thinking at what the fuck happened. I got the feeling that this wasn't a prank. The fact that Nikki didn't answer her phone was worrying me even more. She wouldn't do stuff like that.

I was wrapped in my thoughts when I arrived at the hospital. I quickly paid the cab and got inside, ignoring the receptionist. Last time, Nikki was here was when she tried to kill herself. All sorts of bad things crept into my head as I tried to remember which room she had. I think she had 189.

That was on the fifth floor, which meant 156 should be at the forth. I tapped my foot until the elevator arrived and once I got inside, I forcefully pushed the 4 button. The elevator's doors opened and I saw Nikki crying against the door of the room.

I started running towards her, feeling desperately worried.

"Nikki! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Kaylie text me and she-"

She practically collapsed against my chest as she cried uncontrollably. I said nothing as I caressed her back in circles, trying to comfort her. What was wrong with her? Why was she crying so hard?

"I'm so sorry, Ashley. This is all my fault! I shouldn't have waited so much!" She said almost chocking.

I lifted her chin up and I looked into her green eyes. They were red and puffy as tears kept falling from them.

"Hey, calm down, Tiger. Why are you sorry? What are you talking about?" I asked softly.

"Colleen."

"What about her?" I asked confused.

"She... She almost died... And... She suffered a miscarriage ..." She said and looked away.

My eyes widened and I just stared at Nikki. For some reason, I just let go of her body and I walked straight in the room. I saw Kaylie near Colleen's bed with a saddened expression on her face. Colleen looked so peacefully. If it weren't for the wires that were coming in and out of her you could tell that she was asleep.

I asked Kaylie how the fuck did this happen and she told me everything. I stared at her dumfounded, realizing that Colleen and I were never going to have a child together. Her pregnancy was toxic.

Kaylie left the room while I stared at Colleen's limp body. She didn't want this child and neither did I. But I just accepted the idea of being a father and then this happened. I wasn't sad or upset but I wasn't happy either. I just felt numb. I felt nothing.

And Colleen almost died. This could've killed her. And know she might never have children again because of the damage. I started to feel angry at my own stupidity. I didn't know why.

Why didn't I noticed it sooner? Why didn't I worry about her morning sicknesses? Why didn't I notice that she couldn't eat without throwing up? Why was her pregnancy toxic? Was it my fault? Was it hers? Why didn't I get to see my baby live?

I exited Colleen's room, throwing her one last glance as I saw Chase walking in. He gave me a sad look and I just shrugged. Nikki was on the chair with her head in her hands. She was more affected by this than I was.

I knew how hard it was for her to accept that I was going to have child with another woman. But somehow, she did. She took Colleen in her house and in her life. She offered her everything just because she carried a part of me. And now, she was blaming herself.

I knew it since the moment she clung to my arms. She considered herself responsible for Colleen's miscarriage, even though it was practically no one's fault. Nikki's eyes met mine and she wiped away her tears. Kaylie was leaning against a wall, with her hands in her pockets, looking at the ceiling. Neither of us saw this coming.

"Ash..."

I walked to Nikki and I wrapped my arms around her. I felt her sob and my heart broke. For some reason, I couldn't let it out. I couldn't cry, I couldn't yell, I couldn't do anything.

"I'm so sorry." Nikki cried.

I couldn't even comfort her. I couldn't even tell her that it wasn't her fault. Everything felt so empty. So hollow. When Chase exited the room, he told us to go home. Nikki furiously refused but he managed to convince her.

"I promise I will call you as soon as she opens her eyes."

Nikki reluctantly agreed and we walked out of the hospital. I turned my phone off, not wanting to let anyone know about what happened. They're gonna find out anyway.

We got inside the cab and Nikki placed a hand over mine. When I wasn't capable of intertwining our fingers, she removed it and I didn't even noticed.

When we got to Nikki's house, Kaylie quickly took Jack and she said she needed to go to a walk to clear her head. I just nodded and Nikki went straight into her room, not saying a word. I headed to the bar and I grabbed a bottle of Jack, wanting desperately to feel nothing.

I entered Nikki's room and I found it empty. I wanted to check the bathroom but I heard her sobbing from the balcony. I threw my jacket on her bed and I opened the bottle, taking a huge gulp before I went to the balcony. Nikki was on the floor, with her back against the wall and she was hugging her knees.

I sat near her and she looked at me curiously. I wiped away her tears and I handed her the bottle as I wrapped an arm around her. She took it, throwing me a thankful glance and she drank hungrily. I watched her as she lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply from it.

"She's gonna be destroyed." She whispered.

"She's not. I think she's gonna be happy." I answered looking at the sky.

"What do you mean?" Nikki asked confused.

"When she moved in, she asked me if I wanted this child. I told her that I don't. She didn't want it either. So she asked if I was okay if she aborted. I didn't answer her because the child was growing inside of her body, not mine and I told her it was her decision. After a few days, she said she couldn't do it because of you." I said as I took another gulp of whiskey.

"What?!"

"She said that she can't betray you like that. Not after what you did for her. You were the only reason that made her keep the child."

"And I'm the only reason that she's in a damn hospital bed now! If i would've just taken her to the doctor when she arrived here this would've never happened." She said throwing her cigarette over the edge and drinking more whiskey.

"It's not your fault. It's no ones fault. No one knew that her pregnancy was toxic." I answered and I took the bottle from her hands.

"What are we gonna do now?" She whispered.

"We're gonna move on. That's the only thing we can do. It's gonna be okay." I answered.

I hoped that Nikki believed my words because I didn't. I didn't know if it's gonna be okay...

Notes

Sooooo I started to write the next story! I'll let you know when I will post it!

Btw, feel free to curse me! I know you want to! More sad chapters to come!

I love yaaaa! Xxxxx