My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's Pov (two days later):

"I'm fine!" I spat when Jinxx wanted to help me stand up from the wheelchair.

"No, you're not!" Jake said from the other side of me.

"Jesus!" I groaned and I stood up by myself.

They were babysitting me since I was shot. After Ashley walked out of my room, two days ago, Jinxx and Jake came, followed by CC and Alice and Ryan and Troy the next day. I kept telling all of them that I was fine but none of them believed me. They were all acting like I would break any minute and it pissed me off.

"Why are you walking by yourself?!" CC screamed and I glared at him.

"Because I can!" I spat and he ignored me as he grabbed one of my arms.

I sighed and gave him a small smile which he returned. Two days ago, I started to yell at him for cheating on Kaylie and messing with her head. He listened me calmly and told me that he broke up with her that night. I was surprised but then I asked him what really happened. He told me that he met Lauren a few weeks ago. She really liked him and the feeling was mutual. At that party, where they got laid, someone else took pictures of them and sent them to Kaylie. To say that they weren't on good terms was an understatement.

The other reason was the fact that she still had feelings for Andy and CC knew it. He tried and he waited but everything changed when he met Lauren. He told me that he couldn't be in a relationship with no future. I hugged him, understanding how hard it was for him. I had a déjà vu because Kaylie was in the same situation as me. I decided that I will try to hook Andy and Kaylie up but apparently, it wasn't necessary.

They were eye fucking each other and when I asked them about it, they denied everything. But I knew better. I was happy about that. I knew that Kaylie had feelings for him and I hoped that Andy will return them soon.

I haven't seen Ashley since that night. I didn't ask where he was and anyway, no one told me. It kinda hurt me but I shrugged off the feeling every time. I tried my best not to think about him and till now I was doing a good job.

This morning, I called Duncan. He was in Austin, Texas at a contest. He was a biker and this competition was a big thing for him. I didn't have any idea about what this kind of stuff was about and honestly, I didn't even care. I was pretty happy because tomorrow we will be in Austin too, and I decided to meet with him. He was excited, saying that he missed his favorite sex buddy. I laughed at his sudden sincerity and I told him that I missed him too. Surprisingly, I didn't feel guilty at all. Ashley decided to dump me and I was free to do whatever I wanted. I'm going to get laid with Duncan and with every hot motherfucker I'll find because I CAN!

"Whatcha thinking?" CC asked when he saw my dreamy expression.

"You remember Duncan?" I asked as he helped me get in the cab.

"Yeah, wasn't he your sex buddy?"

"Yep! I'm getting laid tomorrow. He is in Austin." I said earning a weird look from the driver.

"Getting laid with who?" Jinxx asked as he and Jake got in the cab.

"How can you get laid when you were shot two days ago?" Jake joined.

"1: I'm getting laid with Duncan and 2: I am perfectly fine!" I said and I glared at Jake.

"What about Ashley?" Cc asked stroking my arm.

"He broke up with me. I'm moving on. End of the story." I said shrugging.

Jinxx sighed and Jake looked at me with sadness in his eyes. I bit my lip, trying not to ask them where he was and I thought about something else.

"Where's Alice?"

"She left this morning. She has another photo shoot in New York." Jinxx answered.

"It sucks! I like her a lot!" I said and I elbowed him.

"Yeah, me too."

"Awww... Daddy Jinxx is blushing!" I said and he shrugged.

I made myself comfortable between Jinxx and CC as we headed to the hotel. Tomorrow morning the bus will pick us up and we will head to Texas. The fans heard about the bitch incident, as I like to call it, and most of them wished me the best. Some haters said that it's a shame that Kina didn't kill me but I didn't care.

Also, the Purdy girls started to love me more and more because I saved Ashley's life. They already found us a ship name: Nikkley! It kinda pissed me off and I knew I had to make things clear once and for all: Ashley and I ARE NOT together!

Sometimes, I would smile at their comments, but then I had to remember that Ashley doesn't want me anymore. I kept asking myself where was he as why didn't he come back but a part of really didn't want to know. Maybe he was back at his old self and it wasn't something I wanted to see.

We pulled in front of the hotel and we were greeted by Ryan, Troy, Kaylie and Andy. Again, my heart ached when I saw there was no sign of Ashley. Jinxx got out of the cab and wanted to help me but I slapped his hands away. I got out of the cab by myself and I realized that the pain in my belly was almost gone.

"Awwww... You're smiling like some idiots. Should I assume that you missed the badass bitch?" I said playfully.

"You have no idea." Troy said and hugged me.

"Life is awful when you're not around." Ryan joined and hugged me too.

"Easy dickheads! You're gonna make me cry." I laughed.

I looked at Kaylie and Andy who both stepped towards me. They looked at each other and they blushed. I had to hold back a chuckle at their dreamy expressions. I hugged both of them at the same time, ending their staring contest.

"Could you two be more obvious?" I whispered and they widened their eyes.

"I don't-"

"What are you-"

"Shut up! I know better." I cut them both off and I winked at them.

Jinxx and Jake laughed too, knowing what I was talking about as CC smiled at Kaylie. She returned his smile and I was glad that they weren't one of those hateful ex couple.

We got inside the hotel and I already knew what I wanted to do.

"I wanna go out, get drunk, maybe get laid and sleep like a bitch till tomorrow." I said and everyone laughed.

"You should just rest. You're still feeling bad, Nikki-pooh." Jake said brotherly.

"I'm fine!"

"You said that a lot in the last two days." Jinxx commented.

"Because it's the truth!" I spat pissed.

"Is it?" CC asked.

"Yes! I mean look."

I took a deep breath and stepped away from them in the large lobby. I did some gymnastics when I was younger but I didn't know if I can still do those moves. I decided I had to try. Yeah, I was shot two days ago and now I'm doing gymnastics in the hotel's lobby. Damn... I really am weird...

They all looked at me as I sighed and started running. My hands touched the floor and I pushed myself up. I think I heard my back cracking a little but it wasn't painful. I did a double rotation in the air and surprisingly, landed on my feet with my hands in the air. The people that were in the lobby clapped their hands and I gracefully thanked them for their cheers as I looked at my shocked friends. My stomach hurt a bit but I could handle it. I was perfectly fine!

"See? I'm not lying." I said as we went to the elevator.

"Remind me, why did you quit gymnastics?" Troy asked as the doors opened.

"I fell of the beam." I said shrugging.

"How long?" Andy asked amazed.

"Almost eight years."

"I think this is the only thing that she's afraid of." Kaylie said smiling at me.

"A beam?" Jinxx asked curiously.

"Not the beam itself. She's afraid of getting on one again." Ryan answered and I nodded.

We got to the 16th floor and I realized I didn't know which room I was in.

"Uhm, what's my room?" I asked awkwardly and I heard Andy cursing.

"Shit! I forgot I took your stuff in Ashley's room." He said guilty.

"It's okay. I'll take them and I'll sleep with one of the guys rooms." I said shrugging.

"You can sleep in my room." Ryan said and I agreed.

"You want me to take it for you?" Andy said, knowing about the situation between me and Ashley.

"No, it's fine. I'm good." I said smiling.

He nodded and we went to get changed. We'll meet in an hour in the lobby. I somehow managed to convince the to have a wild night tonight and they reluctantly agreed. I sighed deeply as I reached Ashley's room and I knocked on the door.

There was no answer so I knocked harder. I pushed the doorknob and I realized that the door was open. I entered inside and I saw some shattered glass near the door. I could see his shirt hanging on a cupboard and my breath stopped. I was afraid to go further, not wanting to see him with someone else.

But I had to get my stuff. I swallowed hard and I stepped over the broken glass. I saw a couch that had its back to me and Ashley's boots laying near it. The bed was empty and the sheets were sprawled everywhere on it. I saw my luggage near another cupboard and his jeans were tossed on a chair. I stepped closer and I saw the coffee table full of empty bottles of Jack and another smashed glass under it.

When I saw the couch my heart broke again. Ashley was asleep on it and had one arm wrapped over a pillow, while his other one was holding an almost empty bottle of whiskey. He had his earbuds on and I could hear 'Here without you' by 3 Doors Down blasting from them. He was only in his boxers and he looked like a mess. I saw that he had no longer the bandage over his shoulder and I looked at his wound. The stitches were healing and his skin was a normal color, although I think he should've kept the bandage a little longer.

I sighed and I knelt down in front of the couch, just looking at him. That damn song started again and I took his earbuds off and stopped the music player on his phone. I felt a pain in my heart again as I saw his wallpaper: it was that picture of us that he posted on Twitter. I sighed as I took the bottle from his hands and downed the remaining content.

He stiffened and I waited for him to wake up but he didn't. I took a few strands of hair out of his face and I felt tears burning my eyes. I blinked them back as he slowly opened his eyes and looked at me tired. He was still drunk and I could tell by the look in his eyes.

"Am I dead?" He asked and I raised an eyebrow.

"No! Why would you ask that?" I said pissed.

"Because you look like heaven." He mumbled and tried to stand up.

I kept my position still as he looked at me with sadness. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. I wanted to cry and tell him that I don't care about what happened, that I just want to be with him, because I loved him! But something was holding me back... Those words still haunted my mind...

"How are you feeling?" He asked as he stood up and walked, stumbling to the bar to take another bottle of whiskey.

"I'm fine." I said and I felt tired at how many times I had to say that.

He threw himself back on the couch and I stood up and placed myself on it as well.

"Want some?" He asked and handed me the bottle.

I nodded and took two big gulps and I had to swallow slowly to keep myself from throwing up. I looked at him and he looked at me at the same time.

"Why are you that drunk, Ashley?" I asked as I lit a cigarette.

"Because I don't want to feel that fucked up pain anymore."He said and threw his head back.

"But it doesn't help you." I said taking another gulp of whiskey.

"No, it doesn't." He answered sighing and took the bottle from my hands."I love you, Nikki and it hurts me."

"Why?" I whispered.

"Because I'm fucked up! I don't even understand why I'm so mad about. I just can't take that fucking image of you and Andy raising a child out of my mind!" He yelled and his eyes filled with tears.

I extinguished my cigarette and I looked at him. I couldn't control myself and I grabbed his face and I kissed his lips. He sighed and dropped the bottle as he gripped my hips and dragged me over him. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he parted his lips and kissed me hungrily. I was about to take my shirt off when I heard those words again in my head: 'I just can't be with you right now'...

I stopped and I looked in his eyes, breathing hard.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked breathless.

"You're drunk. And you'll regret it when you'll sober up." I said and I got off of him.

He didn't say anything as he grabbed the bottle again. He took a huge gulp and stood up, placing the bottle forcefully on the table.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do now, Nikki? Tell me what to do and I'll do it!" He spat as he punched a wall angry.

"I don't know! We both fucked up this twisted relationship and I don't if we can fix it!" I yelled back.

"It's gotta be a way! I can't be with someone else!"

"Me neither!"

He looked at me and I almost ran to him again. I dug my nails in my hands as I tried to keep myself in place. He walked to me and knelt down, placing his hands on my knees.

"I don't know what to do." He said and he looked lost.

"I don't know either. I feel like you don't want me anymore." I whispered and I looked down.

"That's the problem. I want you even more. But for some reason I just can't stop hurting you. I'm bad for you just like you are for me." He said and I couldn't help but feel like he was right.

We're bad for each other. We hurt each other for no reason. We hate each other. We can't never agree on something, we can't never be on the same page. But still, we love each other....

"I just can't stop loving you! And I tried for fuck's sake!" I spat.

"I know the feeling." He said laughing.

I smiled at this twisted relationship we had. We were as weird as it's possible. But I couldn't help but love every second of it.

"I'm not ready yet." He whispered.

"Me neither!" I answered.

"What do we do now?"

"Try to ignore each other. Live the lives we had before we met." I said simply.

"I don't like that." He glared at me.

"You always had a soft spot for blondes. Don't give me his shit." I spat knowing why he didn't like it.

I stood up and I walked towards my suitcases. I picked them up as he was still glaring at me. I tried my best not to drop them off and jump in his arms and somehow, I succeeded. I walked past him and I placed the suitcases in the hallway as I took one last glance at him.

"I love you." He said looking at me with sadness.

"I love you too." I answered before closing the door behind me.

'Damn... I really need to get drunk tonight...' I thought to myself as I was walking towards Ryan's room. Memories of Ashley kissing me played over and over in my head as I knocked on the door.

Ryan opened it and his hair was dripping wet and he had only a towel around his waist. I gulped hard and I entered inside, dragging my suitcases after me, trying not to look at his sculpted body.

'And I need to get laid too...' I thought again as Ryan looked at me confused.

Notes

This story fucked up my head...

anyway, rate vote and comment!

i love you xxxxx