My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's Pov:

Just as I opened my eyes, a sharp pain shot through my head. Guess I shouldn't have drunk that much. Events of last night slowly appeared in my mind as I yawned. We went to Max, we danced and we had fun and after thirty seven shots I lost count of how much I drank. I remembered that we got back to Ashley's house around 2 am. After that... Nothing!

I couldn't breathe and I knew why. Andy had both arms around me. I checked the clock on the nightstand and it was 10 am. I sighed as I managed to get out of Andy's grip and I stood up. A wave of nausea hit me forcefully and I ran to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I threw up again as my head was spinning. Andy was right. I needed to get to a damn doctor. I exited the bathroom and I noticed that I was naked. I looked around and I saw the damage. My dress was ripped, hanging on a nightstand. My bra was on the lamp and my jacket was nowhere to be seen. My heels were in different corners of the room while Andy's clothes were scattered all over the floor. Wow! We had a wild night...

I took my destroyed clothes and threw them in the bin, careful not to wake Andy. I sighed as picked up his shirt and opened my suitcase. I grabbed some underwear and a pair of jeans. I got dressed and I kissed Andy's forehead before I exited the room. The smell of coffee filled my nostrils and I ran in the kitchen. Tokyo and Killer greeted me happily and Jinxx gave me a smile as I sat on one of the chairs.

"Coffee?"

"Yes please." I mumbled with my head on the table.

Jinxx chuckled as he poured coffee in two cups and sat in front of me. He handed me a cup and I thanked him.

"Is Ashley up?" I asked sipping the warm liquid.

"No. He's still wasted on the couch." Jinxx answered.

"On the couch?"

"He kept drinking until you and Andy stopped doing stuff. Which was around 6 am." He said and glared at me.

I almost choked with my coffee at his words. I didn't remember anything! I felt even worse now that I knew Ashley heard... A lot, considering that I'm not quiet and neither is Andy.

"Wanna tell me what's wrong with you?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Cut the crap, Nikki. You were never the lovey-dovey type. And still, you were like that with Andy yesterday. What the hell happened before we got here?!"

I gulped and I widened my eyes in shock. Was it that obvious? Was it that obvious that something happened and I was acting so weird because I felt guilty?

"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied.

"If you don't wanna tell me, fine, but something happened, Nikki. You suck at lying and Ashley hasn't been himself all evening. What the hell happened now?" He asked softly.

I felt tears burning my eyes as Jinxx placed a soft hand over mine. He squeezed my hand gently as my guilt was ripping me from inside out.

"I lost control... Yesterday... And I had sex with Ashley... And then I felt guilty... And you know the rest." I whispered as tears started streaming my face.

Jinxx sighed as he stood up an knelt in front of me. He wiped away my tears and he stroked my cheek. I kept my eyes locked to the floor, not daring to look at him. I was too ashamed of myself.

"Nikki... You messed up big time!" He sad simply. "You can't keep toying with their hearts. You will tear them apart and you will destroy yourself too."

"I'm not toying with their hearts. I just... I don't know what the fuck am I supposed to do. I think I love both of them." I whispered.

"And they love you. But this is not The Vampire Diaries, Nikki. This is your life. You have to make a choice before it's too late." He said as he lifted my chin up.

I looked in his blue eyes and I felt more tears falling from my own. How the hell am I supposed to chose?!

"How? How do I do it?" I asked desperately.

"Close your eyes. How do you see yourself in 10 years?"

"Old!" I said without thinking.

"I mean with who, Nikki?" Jinxx laughed.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I saw a big house and a large garden. I was in a swing. I was laughing at a little boy. He had brown eyes and black hair and he was in the other swing, next to me. Ashley came towards us holding... A baby?! I saw him smile widely at me as he kissed my cheek after I stood up. I smiled and I looked at the little girl he was holding in his arms. She had black hair and she was peacefully asleep. The little boy came to us as he grabbed one of the girl's tiny hand. She opened her eyes and I was shocked. They were bright blue eyes. I looked back at the little boy and his eyes were now green like mine as his features changed. I lifted my gaze and near me wasn't Ashley anymore. It was Andy!

"I can't do this!" I said as opened my eyes and stood up.

Jinxx sighed as placed a hand over my shoulder. I was breathing hard and I was still shocked by my own mind. I just imagined kids! Not one! Two! Two kids for fuck's sake!!

"What did you see?" Jinxx asked as I lit a cigarette.

"Kids! Two fucking kids!" I spat exhaling the smoke.

"With who?"

"A boy with Ashley and a girl with Andy." I whispered.

"Which one of them you saw first?"

"The boy."

"Then you have your answer." Jinxx said smiling.

"Wait, what?"

"Human brain is a fucked up thing. When you imagine things, the first thing will be the one you want the most, always! In your case, Ashley. After that, you will imagine what you CAN have. And that is Andy." He explained.

"What the fuck are you!? A psychologist?" I spat pissed.

"No, but I like to read that type of books." He said grinning.

"So that means.... What?"

"You're still in love with Ashley. No matter what the fucker did, he still has your heart. No matter how kind was Andy to you, you were never in love with him. You love Andy but you're in love with Ashley, Nikki."

"But I'm happy with Andy. I told him everything about me and he didn't leave me. He was always there for me." I said as I blinked back my tears.

"Neither of us left, Nikki. We all knew about your past and we were still there for you." He said and his eyes widened.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I spat angry.

"Nothing, I just-"

"Don't you fucking lie to me, Jeremy !! What are you talking about?" I cut him off.

"Remember that day when I taught you how to play Overture?" He said sighing.

"Yeah."

"Kaylie, Ryan and Troy kinda told the guys about... Damon... And they told me... But it was like a threat towards Ashley... So he won't hurt you." He defended them.

"You're saying that my best friends spilled half of my life in front of you two days after we first met?!" I yelled angry.

"With good intentions, Nikki. They meant good. That's why Ashley and Andy never asked you about it. They didn't wanna push you. And to be honest, I think that you told Andy everything only because you hoped that maybe he will leave you." He said thoughtfully.

"How can you say that?!!! I told him because I knew that he wouldn't leave me." I said and I started questioning myself about it.

Was he right? Everything could've been so easy if Andy left me. I probably would have jumped back in Ashley's arms after a while. But Andy didn't leave and now I realized that neither did Ashley. He already knew about me. But then, why was he so hurt when I mentioned Andy knowing everything about me? Because I didn't tell him first? Because I trusted Andy more than him? I didn't know and this mix of feelings I had didn't help at all. I was angry at my friends for telling them. I was pissed at Ashley because even after he knew the reason that I wasn't dating anymore, he still cheated on me. I was hurt because I was hurting Andy, loving a worthless man who was his best friend. Goddammit! Can't I just do something right for once?!

"Andy fixed you. I get that. But you don't belong with him. You will never be truly happy with him because your twisted heart wants that son of a bitch who sleeps on the couch." Jinxx said pissed."Both of them are so dumb because they drag you in different sides, confusing you even more. Listen to me, Nikki. You know how Ashley was after you left?!"

I shook my head as he was gripping my wrists tight. He was pissed and it kinda scared me.

"I've never seen him touch alcohol in this three weeks. I called him to get him out of the house, to get a slut or something, to have fun. He declined every offer. He stayed locked in this fucking house drawing dresses. Dresses for God's sake!!! He kicked Kina out and he didn't even returned her calls. Because he said that he can't stop thinking about you!!"

"Kicked Kina out? What do you mean?" I asked surprised.

"She hanged here for two days or so. But Ashley got annoyed and dumped her. She is still calling him and begs him to take her back but he's not even answering her. He wants you, Nikki. Just as bad as you want him!" He said truthfully.

My heart dropped in my stomach. He was right. I really did want Ashley. But I was with Andy! What the fuck am I supposed to do now?!

"What do I do now?" I asked scared.

"For now, just wait. Andy is happy and Ashley is mad. Wait a few more days and expect the right moment. I'll try to talk to both of them." Jinxx sad and hugged me.

I nodded and I hugged him back. Was I able to do this? Was I able to break Andy's heart? Was I able to take Ashley back? Was I able to live knowing that I destroyed their friendship? I didn't know. I was feeling like shit and my head was spinning.

"When do we leave?" I asked and I extinguished my cigarette.

"In a couple of hours."

"Ok. I'm gonna wake them up."I said and he nodded.

I exited the kitchen and I walked in the living room. My heart broke into a million pieces as I saw Ashley. He was shirtless and he was laying on his back with a half of bottle of Jack in his hand. Another empty bottle was on the table and some broken glass near a wall. I sighed and I took the bottle from his hand. I took a huge gulp, the liquid burning my throat as I placed it on the table. I placed myself near him and I took a few strands of hair out of his face. He was so beautiful. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. I gently stroked his cheek and he stiffened a bit.

"C'mon Ash, wake up!" I whispered.

"Ni-Nikki?" He mumbled.

"Yeah, it's me. Wake up."

He took my hand and dragged me, my face colliding with his chest. He wrapped both of his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Tell me that last night was a dream." He whispered.

"It wasn't." I said muffled against his chest.

He sighed as he let go of me and stood up. He looked at me with an unreadable expression and sat back on the couch.

"I can't do this, Nikki! I can't stay away from you." He said holding his forehead.

"I-I made up my mind." I whispered and his eyes widened. "I wanna be with you."

He stared at me and just as he was about to hug me, I lifted my hand and placed it on his bare chest.

"I need some time to figure out how I'm supposed to break up with Andy."

He nodded with sadness in his eyes. I stood up and I told him to get ready. I walked back in the guest room and I found Andy still asleep. The sunlight was falling on his features, making him look so innocent. I shivered and I walked to his side of the bed. I sat behind his back and I kissed his cheek.

"Andy, wake up."

He groaned and turned his body to me and wrapped his arms around my hips, his head placed in my lap.

"Andy, we gotta go ." I said laughing as I stroked his hair.

"I don't wanna!" He whined.

"We have to. C'mon, get up!" I said and I pinched his arm. He lifted his head and he stared at me.

"Did you just pinch me?" He asked with his eyes half closed .

"Yeah."

"Okay." He said and placed his head back on my lap.

I laughed at his silliness and my heart ached. How am I going to break up with him?

"Do we have coffee?" He mumbled against my thigh.

"Yeah, Jinxx made some."

He yawned and stood up. He stretched his back, his naked body almost shining in the sun. I gulped hard and I looked away but he saw me.

"What's wrong? You look pale." He said and lifted my chin up.

"I'm just a little nauseous." I said and I pecked his lips.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go get ready. I'll pour you a cup of coffee when you're done." I said and I stood up.

"Aww, you're not joining me in the shower?" He pouted and I laughed.

"No. I'm still sore as fuck." I said as I realized I wasn't lying.

What the hell happened last night?!

He nodded chuckling and headed to the bathroom. I walked back in the kitchen and I found Ashley sitting in the same position as I was earlier: with his head on the table. Jinxx was looking at him with pity in his eyes. I chuckled and Ashley looked at me quickly.

"You ok, Nikki? You're pale as fuck." Jinxx asked concerned.


"I'm okay. As okay as I can be with a huge hangover and an aching body." I mumbled as I grabbed one of Ashley's whiskey bottles and I took a huge gulp.

"Gimme that!" Ashley said as he stood up and snatched the bottle from my hands.

He swallowed two gulps and sighed after. He handed it back to me with a smile as we were both leaning against the counter.

"Better?" I asked laughing.

"A little." He answered rubbing his forehead.

"You two are the weirdest persons I've ever met. No wonder you're meant for each other." Jinxx said shaking his head.

We shrugged at the same time as this time we burst into laughter. It happened before. Me and Ashley doing stuff or saying random shit at the same time. Everybody was making fun of us at the time because we weren't together and they said that we should. I smiled remembering how simple was everything back then.

Ashley's phone started ringing and I picked it up. My smile faded when I saw that Kina was calling him. I handed him the phone and his eyes widened.

"Nikki, this is not-"

"I know. Jinxx told me." I sad quickly.

"That's it! I'm changing my number." He yelled as he ignored her call.

"Why?" Andy asked as he entered the kitchen.

"Kina won't stop calling him." Jinxx answered.

"She's back at it?"

"Yeah." Ashley said sighing.

We all sat down as I poured myself and Andy some coffee. I was in deep shit. I sighed as I thought about the good part: at least tonight I will be back on stage. I decided that tomorrow I will talk to Andy. No matter what. I couldn't keep lying to him. I knew that he will probably never talk to me again but at least I won't be hurting him anymore. I pushed the thoughts in the back of my head as we exited Ashley's house and headed for the cab that will take us to the airport.

Notes

Here you go!!! Love yah xxxxx