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My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

48. You love your comfort

Nikki's Pov:

I threw myself on the couch as I downed my glass of whiskey. I poured myself another one as Ashley handed me some pizza flyers. I looked at him questioningly and he shrugged.

"I promised you lunch."

"I don't want pizza." I said and I lit a cigarette.

"What do you want?" He asked as he grabbed his phone and sat next to me on the couch.

I felt a sudden urge to eat pasta. Which was weird, because the only pasta I've ever ate was made by dad, back when we were a happy family.

"I want... Pasta?" I said it more like a question.

"What type?"

"You choose." I said as my phone started ringing.

Ashley nodded and went in the kitchen to order as I answered my phone.

"Hey princess! Are you still pissed?" Andy asked.

"No, I managed to get him to tell me. He's probably dying. Where are you?" I said in a fake attempt to laugh.

"We're on our way back to Ashley's. Is everything ok? You sound weird." He asked concerned and I almost burst into tears again.

"I'm okay. I'm just hungry. Can you buy me some raisins on your way?" I said as a sudden craving hit me.

"Raisins? You hate raisins. What's gotten into you?" He said confused.

"I just feel like it." I answered.

"Okay. I'll buy you raisins. You want anything else?"

"Yeah, you." I said wanting desperately to have him back.

I felt ashamed. I felt like a whore. I wanted my boyfriend. I wanted him to hold me like he always does when I'm down. I wanted him to tell me that everything will be okay. I wanted him to whisper in my ear that he was there, that he will never leave me.

"I'll be there in a half an hour, princess." He said chuckling.

"Ok. See you here."

"Ok. Bye." He answered and hung up.

I sighed and threw my phone away. I took the remote and I started flipping the channels. Nothing interesting. Ashley returned and he looked at me worried. I shrugged as he sat back on the couch and pulled me against his chest.

"What have I done?" I said as he stroked my hair.

"What have WE done, Nikki. You're not alone in this. It was my fault too. I pushed you and I'm sorry." He said and I got pissed.

"You're sorry?! After the damage is done you're sorry?!" I snapped.

"What do you want me to say, Nikki?" He said exasperated.

I gulped not knowing what to say. I was pissed, hurt, happy, scared and frustrated at the same time. I took a deep breath and grabbed a pillow, placing it in Ashley's lap. I rested my head on it and he kept stroking my hair.

"I love you." He said kissing my forehead.

"I hate you." I said and he chuckled.

"I hate you too."

"I love you." I said laughing.

"What the fuck are we doing?" He laughed too.

"We express our feelings for each other."

"I've never thought that it's possible to hate and love someone at the same time with so much passion."

"I've never thought that I'll end up in a love triangle either but hey, shit happens and there's nothing we can do about it." I said sighing.

"You know what I'm sure about?" He said dreamy.

"What?"

"I'm sure that I can't live without you. It's been like hell without you here. Without hearing your voice, without seeing you, without you smacking me... Everything felt... Empty... I felt empty." He declared truthfully.

"I'm so confused. The only thing I know for sure it's that I love you. While I was with Andy home, I was happy, I won't deny it... But something was missing and I didn't know what it was until I saw you. I love you but some part of me loves Andy too. He never hurt me. He was everything for me in these three weeks. My lover, my friend, my drinking partner, my shoulder to cry on, everything. I can't help but feel like I will never be able to thank him enough."

"That means you don't love Andy. You're just grateful for what he did." Ashley said seriously.

"Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that I would even kill for him if it's necessary." I answered and I meant every word.

The doorbell rang and Ashley stood up. He payed the delivery guy and he returned with the boxes of pasta. He handed me one and placed the others on the table. I opened my box and the smell made my stomach growl. Ashley chuckled and I glared at him as we started eating. We ate in a comfortable silence and after that, I entered in the kitchen, I threw the boxes in the bin as I heard the doorbell again. When I exited the kitchen, Andy and Ashley smiled at me as I was already running towards Jinxx.

"Daddy Jinxx!!!" I yelled happy and jumped in his arms.

"Hey kiddo! How you've been?" He said hugging me back.

"I'm good. Where is my possible mommy?" I asked pouting like a little kid.

"Oh no! Don't look at her, man! She is giving you THE FACE!!" Andy said covering his eyes.

"What face?" I asked innocently.

"That face is evil! She can make you jump over a bridge with it!" Ashley joined and covered his eyes as well.

"I'm going to ignore them and answer your question." Jinxx said laughing. "She is in Ohio at a photo shoot and you will meet her tomorrow."

"Yay! I love you, Daddy Jinxx!" I said and I hugged him again.

"I love you too, kiddo!" He said ruffling my hair.

"Stahp! You know I hate it!" I said pouting again.

"Is she done?" Andy asked with his eyes closed.

"Done with what?" I asked.

"With the face!" Ashley answered.

"Are they stoned or something?" Jinxx whispered in my ear.

"I have no idea. They think my pouty face is evil." I said laughing as we sat in one of the couches.

"IT IS!!!" They yelled at the same time.

"Well, I think it's adorable. So shut up, dickheads!" Jinxx said playfully.

"Where are my raisins?" I asked Andy as he sat near me.

"Here." He said and handed them to me.

I smiled and kissed his cheek as I ripped the bag open and started eating them. Ashley and Jinxx were staring at me wide eyed.

"What?"

"You hate raisins!" Ashley said.

"Why are you eating them?" Jinxx joined.

"Because I felt like it."

"You're weird!" Andy said as I shrugged.

After I finished my raisins, I wanted to do something. I didn't know what but I just wanted to do something. I wanted to get drunk and forget this day. Or the last two hours at least.

"Let's go out! I'm bored!" I said and I wanted to sit next to Andy, but he pulled me in his lap.

"Sounds good! Where to?" Jinxx said.

"Let's go to Max (random name)." Ashley suggested and everybody nodded.

I stood up and dragged Andy after me, towards the guest room where our luggage was. We got inside and I slammed his back against the door, kissing him, full of lust ... And guilt...

"You missed me that much?" He whispered biting my neck.

"Mhmmm." I moaned.

Andy picked me up and carried me gently to the bed. He took of my shirt and quickly unclasped my bra. I took of his shirt as well and ran my hands all over his bare chest. He massaged my breasts while I was hungrily kissing his neck, biting his sweet spot.

His erection was already pressing my lower stomach as I got rid of his jeans. I slipped my hand in his boxers and I started stroking his length as he moaned loudly. He took of my jeans impatiently, pulling my underwear with them as he climbed on top of me.

He started kissing my right breast, biting my nipple hard as I arched my back under his touch. His fingers found my slit and I shivered at the coldness.

"Mmmm, you're so wet." He whispered as he slid a finger inside me.

"Andy!" I whisper yelled as he hit my spot.

I pulled his boxers off and angrily rolled in top of him. He licked his finger as I started to kiss my way down his chest, to his hardened length. He groaned when I took him in my mouth, entangling his fingers in my hair.

I teased him, not taking him fully and licked his tip as he threw his head back, moaning. I loved seeing him so helpless. It turned me on to look in his baby, blue eyes and see the desire he held for me. The way his eyes begged me to make him cum. The way his breath quickened, making his chest rise and fall at a fast pace.

I decided to stop torturing him and I back throated him. He let out a loud growl, with his fists pulling my hair as I kept sucking him hard. My right hand was caressing his balls and my left one stroked the remaining of his length that I couldn't fit in my mouth.

He lost his control and pulled me brutally by my hair and threw me on the pillow, climbing on top of me. He bit my neck hard as his hands gripped my hips forcefully. I flinched a little because he grabbed the painful hickey that Ashley gave me a few hours ago.

He looked at me worried but I grabbed his cheeks and pulled his lips on mine again. I felt him smirk as he started to rub his tip against my entrance, teasing me. He continued attacking my neck and my collarbone, leaving love bites everywhere.

"Do you have your pills?" He whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"Yeah." I breathed.

"Good!" He said and filled me up completely in one violent move, looking in my eyes.

He crashed his lips on mine muffling the sound of my scream. He started to push himself in and out of me insanely fast.

That's what was great about Andy. He could be so gentle but he could flip any minute. There were moments when it surprised me how rough he was. He was a fucking beast! Although, sometimes he hold it back because my body was covered in bruises. I didn't care. I kinda like it...

I noticed that his pace slowed down and I dug my nails in his back, pissed.

"Don't you fucking dare to hold it back!" I spat and he chuckled, speeding up his pace again.

He tightened his grip on my hips as his thursts became more powerful. He hit my spot with every single one of them and I bit my lip so hard to keep me from screaming, that I felt the taste of blood in my mouth.

He growled and I knew that he was close when he grabbed my thighs and lifted them to have better access. I arched my back while I was grazing his waist in pure pleasure.

"I... I can't..."

"Me neither!" He breathed and there was no need for words.

I felt my walls tighten around him as his length twitched. I placed my palm over his mouth to shut his scream but it was useless.

I think the whole street heard him screaming my name. He kept thursting, riding his orgasm and I bit his shoulder hard as I reached my own. I felt his seed warming my insides and he collapsed on top of me, breathing hard as my whole body was shaking.

"Damn, I wanted to keep it quiet." He said and I chuckled.

"You? Quiet? Nice try, Biersack." I answered and he laughed.

He picked me up bridal style and carried me to the bathroom. We took a fast shower because probably, Jinxx and Ashley were already pissed.

Somehow, I felt glad that Ashley heard Andy screaming my name. I don't know why. I was still mad at him for pushing me. I cheated on Andy with his best friend. No point in denying it: I was a complete whore!

I pushed the thoughts in the back of my head as I opened one of my suitcases. I found the flacon I was searching for and quickly swallowed one pill without water. I was still thinking about what Ashley said about me being pregnant and I was worried. What if I was? No, I couldn't be. Although, I remembered that day before the tour break when Andy and I had sex twice without a condom and I took the pill next day. I took it after eleven hours but you have to take it in maximum twelve, so that meant I wasn't pregnant, right?

"Why are you frowning?" Andy asked as he was dressing up.

"I don't know what to wear." I lied.

"The cab is here!!!" Ashley shouted angry.

"In a minute!!" I yelled back.

"How about a dress?" Andy said smirking, ignoring Ashley.

"Why? Do you plan to fuck me in the ladies room and you don't wanna deal with my jeans?" I asked knowingly.

Yeah, well Andy and I had sex almost everywhere. We went to a movie, we had sex in the back of the theater. We went to a party, we had sex in a janitors closet. We had sex in my car, in my bathtub, on the kitchen counter, in the pool, against the wall, hell, we had sex even on the fucking stairs!! But for all the public places we went to, I had to wear a dress. I swear to God, I've never liked to wear dresses because I couldn't sit the way I liked, with my legs crossed in a boyish way. But lately, I did. Andy bought me almost a dozen dresses and I gotta say I liked them.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I plan to do." He said and captured my lips in a passionate kiss. "Take the purple one. And don't bother to take any underwear."

I swallowed hard and nodded as he waited for me. I quickly got dressed as I got my heels out of the suitcase. I had a bra, this purple, strapless dress that showed my garter tattoo and a pair of black heels. I didn't wear any panties just like Andy said. I brushed my hair and Andy kissed my cheek as we exited the guest room.

Jinxx and Ashley turned their heads to us and their jaws dropped. Ashley's eyes darkened in an instant and I knew that he was already hard in his pants. I ran a hand through my hair and I licked my lips as I looked at Andy, who smirked at me.

I walked past a wide eyed Jinxx and a shocked Ashley as I grabbed my jacket and my phone.

"Let's go!" I said as I took Andy's arm and exited Ashley's house.

Notes

Happy birthday Andy !!!!

hahaha I was laughing like crazy while I was writing this chapter.... Rate vote and comment people!!!

love you xxxxxx

Comments

Okay I can't hold back anymore! I just finished chapter 33 and I have to say that me and my best friend (she is 6 years older than me but fuck) also everytime we see each other or text or call we both go "HEY BITCH" or "I LOVE YOU BITCH" or "BYE BITCH" it's fucking hilarious lol this is awesome and btw I can't help but say that there should be just a little something between Nikki and Jake like even if it's just a kiss.

more please!!!!

kaz_bvbarmy kaz_bvbarmy
6/5/17

Mooooooore! Pretty pretty please!

Lucifer Lucifer
5/19/17

I loved it! So much! Brilliant. If you ever have time to finish the last two chapters i'd love to read them. xx

bvb-army bvb-army
5/17/17

Awesome chapter, I personally love some of the things you had her say, my favorite being AND YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S COOKIES!!!"
Haha great chapter can't wait for your update^.*