My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's Pov:

I took off my boots as Ashley's dogs happily ran towards me.

"Tokyo! Killer!" I said excited, kneeling down and petting them.

They barked and waved their tails, running and jumping around me.

"They don't miss me that much." Ashley said pouting, leaning against a wall.

"What can I say? I'm a pretty lovable person." I said smirking and he chuckled.

We went to the living room as Ashley took his jacket off and I happily jumped on one of the couches. I missed even his fucking couches for God's sake!! He looked at me and laughed at my expression, probably guessing what I was thinking.

"Wanna drink something?" He asked me as Tokyo and Killer cuddled at my feet.

"Yes, please."

"Your usual?"

"Yep!" I answered as I lit a cigarette.

He poured me a glass of whiskey and handed me an ashtray. I inhaled the smoke deeply as he poured himself a glass as well, and grimaced at its taste.

"How come you didn't get drunk for the past three weeks?" I asked as I sipped the whiskey.

"I don't know. I just felt like it." He answered shrugging.

I looked at him weirdly as my mind kept thinking at... Other things.

"Careful, Tiger. You're gonna smash the glass if you're clutching it so hard." He said grinning and I noticed I had my knuckles white from the tight grip I had on the glass.

"What did you whisper to Andy?" I answered changing the subject.

"Nothing." He said smirking.

"Tell meeeeh!" I whined.

"Nope!"

"I'm gonna smack you!" I said as I extinguished my cigarette.

"I'm still not telling you."

"Oh c'mon! You know I hate it when I'm curious!" I answered as I stood up and walked to him.

The dogs growled at me, disturbing them as Ashley placed his glass on the table and crossed his arms, knowing that I will smack him.

"Tell me!" I said looking in his eyes.

"No!" He winked at me and I smacked his arm.

"Ashley!"

"No!"

I raised my hand again and he engulfed me in a bone crushing hug. I was surprised and I slowly, wrapped my arms around his waist. He sighed deeply as he caressed my hair and kissed the top of my head.

"I missed you so much!" He whispered against my hair.

I said nothing as I tightened my grip around his waist, breathing in his addictive scent. I was feeling so safe, so protected in his arms. I felt like nothing could touch me. I felt like I was invincible.

He pulled away and stared at me. My gaze wandered over his perfectly sculpted lips and I swallowed hard. I met his half closed eyes just as he was leaning towards me. He grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me towards him and entangled his fingers in my hair.

His lips touched mine and I was paralyzed. I saw fireworks as he parted my lips and slid his tongue in my mouth. I closed my eyes and I kissed him back. My mind was empty. All I could think about was Ashley.

The kiss became heated as he ran his hands under my shirt, sending shivers through my body. My fingers slipped under his own shirt, feeling his strong abs as he moaned into the kiss. He took my jacket off and slammed me against the wall, kissing me hungrily. God, I missed him so much!!

He slid his hands back under my shirt and took it off, tossing it on the floor. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, cursing myself for what I was doing. Ashley kissed my neck as he quickly found my sweet spot and bit down on it, making me moan. He rubbed his hard length against my core as I got rid of his shirt, throwing it on the floor, running my hands all over his chest and back.

"Ashley, I can't-"

"I haven't got laid in the last three weeks." He whispered kissing my collarbone.

"What?!" I said shocked and I grabbed his face, making him look at me.

"That's what I whispered to Andy." He said seriously.

"Why?" I asked as we stayed in the same position, with him holding me against the wall.

"Because I wanted only you. I could've got laid hundreds of times in these weeks, but every time I closed my eyes all I could see was you. Because I still fucking love you, Nikki." He said truthfully and his eyes became blurry.

I felt guilty in that moment because I had sex with Andy countless times in this three weeks. Because I was in a relationship with Andy!!

"Ashley, I'm with-"

"You're with Andy. I get that. But I just... Want, no, I NEED you one more time." He whispered in my ear, his hot breath driving me crazy.

"I can't do this to him." I said and I felt tears burning my eyes. "I can't be like Juliet."

"I won't tell him. I can't control myself, I've tried but I just can't. I don't give a fuck if I have to share you with him. All I know is that I can't lose you! I'm nothing without you!" He growled.

"I can't do this, Ashley! Let me go!" I said as a few tears escaped my eyes at his sudden access of sincerity.

He looked at me, unimpressed by my tears as his desire took control over him.

"You still want me, Nikki. You still love me! Why do you keep telling yourself otherwise?!" He said and gripped my thighs harder.

"Because I'm with Andy and I don't wanna hurt him, you son of a bitch!" I screamed and I dug my nails in his shoulders, more tears spilling from my eyes.

"He doesn't have to know!" He screamed back.

"But I would! And I don't wanna live with that!" I said and my phone started ringing.

He set me back on my feet and I grabbed my phone, answering it, not checking the caller ID.

"What?!"

"Whoa! He pissed you off already?" Andy said laughing.

"Yeah, he won't tell me what he whispered to you in the parking lot." I lied wiping my tears.

"I'll tell you when I get back but I think you'll be just as shocked as me. By the way, I'm gonna be late." He said as Ashley grabbed my waist from behind.

"What? Why?" I said pissed as Ashley pulled all my hair to my left shoulder and started kissing my right one.

"Jinxx's car broke down. He called Ashley but his phone is off and CC didn't answer. So he called me and I'm going to pick him up and then we'll get back to Ashley's house. He will spend the night too." Andy said and I heard him getting in the car.

"Where is he?" I asked as I closed my eyes when Ashley bit my sweet spot again.

I clutched the phone hard and I elbowed his ribs. He ignored me and kept kissing my shoulder, leaving a hot tingling wherever his lips touched my skin.

"He is in front of the Carley park."(random name). "

"What? That's in the other side of the city! And the traffic sucks at this hour!" I yelled pissed and Ashley chuckled.

"I know, princess, but the idiot forgot his wallet at home and he doesn't have money for a cab. I promise I'll try to get there as soon as possible." He said reassuringly.

"When?" I asked as I elbowed Ashley's ribs harder.

"I think if I'm lucky I'll get there in an hour. So that means I'll be back at Ashley's in two hours."

"Ok... See you when you get here." I said biting my lip as Ashley licked my shoulder blades.

"Ok, bye!" He said and hung up.

I threw my phone on the couch and angrily, turned around to face Ashley. I didn't even have time to glare at him because he crashed his lips on mine, forcefully. He wrapped his arms around my thighs and lifted me up, back against the wall. I bit his lip hard and he stopped, looking at me impatiently.

"No!" I said and I struggled to get out of his grip.

"Why? We have time." He said and kissed my neck again, making me threw my head back. "Stop denying it, Nikki! You want me just at as bad as I want you!" He continued and glared at me.

"No, I don't!" I yelled stubbornly.

"Stop lying to me!" He yelled back.

"Stop kissing me!"

"I'm not gonna stop kissing you!"

"Then I'm not gonna stop lying to you!" I said and I mentally slapped myself.

He smirked, knowing that he had me where he wanted. Why the fuck he has to make me lose control every time we fight?!

"So, I'm right!" He said kissing my jaw line and rubbing himself against me.

"I hate you!" I spat angry as I dug my nails in his shoulders.

"Remember the last time when you said that?" He asked looking at me. "You were under me, breathing hard while I was fucking you senseless."

I swallowed hard as my head started to spin. My breath hitched as I remembered that day. I lost the remaining ounce of control I had as I roughly crashed my lips on his own. He smirked as he kissed me back and carried me upstairs. He slammed me against the door as we entered in his bedroom, while he was still ravishing my lips.

He threw me on the bed and he climbed on top of me, kissing hungrily my neck and my collarbone. I rolled on top of him, pressing myself against his hardened length as I angrily bit his neck, making him groan. He unclasped my bra and threw it on the floor as he started massaging my breasts roughly. I moaned as I undid his belt and quickly got rid of his jeans.

He switched our positions and started sucking my left nipple, while he took of my jeans with one hand. He moved lower, kissing my belly and he took off my underwear with his teeth. He angrily bit my right hip, making sure that he left a mark as I almost ripped his hair off. He got rid of his boxers as he started rubbing my clit with his thumb. His lips found mine in a lustful kiss as I opened my legs wider.

I reached for his nightstand, where I knew his condoms were and I pulled one out. I ripped it open with my teeth and I slid it over his length as he watched my every move with an insanely desire in his eyes.

I kissed him back when I was done as he positioned himself at my entrance. He pulled away and stared in my eyes before shoving himself inside me in one rough move. I screamed and I grazed his back with my nails as he smiled deviously and remained still.

"You have no idea how much I missed that scream." He said hoarsely.

"I wanna kill you right now!" I spat angrily as I felt tears burning my eyes again.

"I'm backstabbing my best friend right now! The feeling is mutual!" He growled.

"You started first!! It's your damn fault!" I said as I pushed my hips up trying to get him to move.

"But you continued!"

"Because you made me!"

"But you didn't have to do it!"

"I did!"

"Why?"

"I don't know, Ashley!" I screamed and tears spilled from my eyes.

He said nothing as he kissed me and started to thurst angrily inside me. I moaned as I gripped his shoulders, still crying.

God, I hated him so much! I hated that he always pissed me off! I hated that he always made me tell the truth! I hated how much control he had over my body! I hated how I always give in when it comes to him! But what I hated the most was the fact that I still loved him!!

"You know how contradict I feel right now? How a simple action can feel so wrong but so right at the same time?" He breathed heavily as he thursted violently inside me, gripping my hips hard.

"I'm in the same .... Situation... You idiot!" I spat as I arched my back.

"Why the fuck couldn't you be like the other girls? Why couldn't I just fuck you and don't give a damn about you afterwards?! Why did I had to fall in love with you?!" He shouted angrily, his voice cracking as he bit my left breast and I felt his tears falling on my skin.

"This is not my fault! You walked in my life and fucked the living shit out of it!" I said and more tears escaped my eyes.

This was so twisted. We were crying and we were fighting while we were having sex. This wasn't normal. But then again, who said that we were normal?! I was so frustrated! He kept messing with my head, making me question every single feeling I had.

He growled and his breath quickened as he sped up his pace. I felt that familiar sensation in my lower stomach. Our eyes met, tears falling uncontrollably from them.

"I love you!" He spat angry.

"I love you more!" I said back just as angry.

He buried his face in the crook of my neck as I felt my walls clenching around his pulsing length. I screamed his name as my back arched while he did the same, digging his fingers in my hips. He pulled out and collapsed on top of me, his whole body shaking.

I started to caress his hair, just like I always did as I was breathing hard. Sobs erupted from our chests as we clung to each other, still crying.

"I'm a whore! I'm a miserable whore!" I said desperate.

"No, you're not. You just made the wrong decision when you got together with Andy." Ashley said kissing my cheek.

"And I just had sex with you while I'm still with him! That makes me a whore!" I spat crying.

"Because you still love me! "

"It won't matter! He will be torn. He will hate us! And you two just got in good terms again and I fucked up!" I said as I stood up.

He threw the condom in the bin and he walked to me after he wiped his tears.

"Hey, look at me! You're not a whore! And Andy will not find out about this!" He said and stroked my cheek.

"What if it happens again? I cant control myself around you." I said panicked.

"You will have to break up with him eventually..." Ashley whispered.

More tears escaped my eyes and Ashley hugged me. No, I couldn't break up with Andy, not after what he did for me. Not after he listened my entire fucked up life and still remained by my side. Not after being there for me when Ashley cheated on me. Not after comforting me every time I was down. I realized that... I was slowly falling for Andy.

"I'm falling for him. He knows everything about me. He was there when you weren't. I can't just dump him!" I whispered against his chest.

"What do you mean he knows everything about you?" He asked looking at me.

"I... I told him about... My parents and my dead boyfriend." I answered and I looked away.

"You didn't tell me." He said hurt.

"I was afraid that you will leave me after that." I admitted.

"How can you be so dumb? Why would I leave you because of something that already happened?" He said looking in my eyes.

"I... I don't know."

"Why did you tell everything to Andy?" He asked as he wrapped his arms around me again.

"I've always felt like I can tell him anything and he won't judge me... Or leave me...."

"Take your time, Nikki. Think about everything and decide who you want. Because I don't know how much time I will be able to pretend that I'm over you." He said sighing.

"You have to stay away from me!" I spat looking in his eyes.

"I'll try! I promise!" He said as kissed my forehead. I pulled away out of his hug just as a wave of nausea hit me.

"Wait a minute!" I said and I ran past him.

I got in his bathroom, closed the door and threw up again. Andy was right. I needed to see a doctor!

"Are you ok?" Ashley asked worried.

I flushed and I used some Listerine and then I opened the door.

"I have some sort of virus. I throw up everything I eat!" I said as he handed me my clothes as he got dressed as well.

"Have you seen a doctor? Maybe you have a little Biersack inside you." He joked but I froze.

23,24,25 shit!! My period was 3 days late! I couldn't be pregnant right?! I mean I took the pill every time I had sex without a condom.

"Nikki? Don't tell me you're pregnant!" Ashley said and knelt in front of me, with his hands on my knees.

"I-I can't be! I'm not pregnant, I'm sick!" I said as I stood up. He nodded relieved as we exited his room.

We grabbed our shirts as I was still thinking about what he said. My period was late many times before but the fact that I was throwing up scared me. I decided to wait 2 more days. That was the maximum time when my period was late. After two days, I'll buy a pregnancy test and I'll prepare myself for the worse.

Notes

Merry Christmas!!!

love yaaaa xxxxxx