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My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

43. Everyday feels like a war

Andy's Pov:

Nikki ran out of the stage and she didn't answer when I called her name. He eyes were full of tears and I wanted to run after her but I couldn't. We got on stage and we performed. Through every song, my mind was wondering where she was. Ashley was a wreck. He didn't jump all around the stage like he used to. After we finished "In the end", we said our goodbyes to the crowd and I practically jumped out of the stage, bumping into Ryan.

"Where is she?" Ashley and I screamed at the same time.

"We don't know. We searched everywhere for her." He said as Troy was walking back and forth and kaylie was trying to call her.

"The bars?" Ashley asked.

Ryan shook his head and I ran out of the theater. She was probably in a bar. I cursed myself for pushing her. Why the fuck was I so dumb?! She just ended her relationship with Ashley and I dragged her into a relationship with me!! Good job, Andy!!

The rain was crazy. I walked in the first bar I saw and I entered inside, followed by Troy. I looked around but there was no sign of Nikki. We walked straight to the bar and I asked the bartender about her after I gave him her description. He said that there was a girl looking like Nikki, who came about two hours ago and bought a bottle of Jack. He didn't know where she went. I thanked him as we exited the bar.

"Where now?" Troy asked.

"I have no idea...."

Ashley's Pov:

Andy rushed out of the theater and I was about to follow him but Troy went with him. I was crazy worried. I saw the tears in her eyes as she ran past me. I didn't know where she was and I was afraid that she will do something stupid. Kaylie was trying desperately to call her but she received no answer. Jinxx placed a hand on my shoulder as I started to walk back and forth. Jake and Cc joined Andy and Troy, looking for Nikki in the bars.

"I'll go look for her around the venue." Ryan said and I nodded.

"I'll go check the roof. Jinxx, stay here with Kaylie." I said and Jinxx agreed and started to comfort a shaking Kaylie.

I climbed on the stairs and my heart stopped when I heard Nikki's voice. She was singing Walk Away but her voice was cracked. She was crying. I jumped over the few stairs left and I opened the door to the roof. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw her standing on the edge, holding a bottle of Jack. Was she...? My eyes filled with tears and a terrible despair ran through me. She was about to jump! She collapsed on her knees, almost falling over the edge. She dropped the bottle and I heard it smashing on the sidewalk as I ran to her shaking body and pulled her off of the edge.

I took her in my arms as she buried her face in my chest, crying harder. At this point, I couldn't hold my tears back and I let them stream my face. We both fell on the cold surface of the roof as the rain got worse.

"Don't try to leave me again! I can't live without you, Nikki. I love you too much! I'm so sorry!" I whispered and she lifted her gaze.

She looked at me and her tears were falling uncontrollably from her eyes. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. I buried my face in her hair, desperately trying to comfort her. The rain was so violent. It was like the sky was crying at the same time with us.

"I love you so much! Please, forgive me." I said as she closed her eyes.

"Ohh, blaming myself, tied in these chains, living in pain....
Ohh, all of your tears, everything's gone, is it too late?...
Walk away..." She sang and her voice cracked once again, breaking my heart along with it.

I messed up. I fucked everything up. Why the fuck I keep hurting her? I love her! I knew it! I love her with everything I have and yet I still hurt her. I was cursing myself for being such an immature prick about those photos. For being so jealous. For screaming at her. For wanting to forget about her. For letting Kina inside the house in the first place. I was so stupid! She obviously loves me. Or she used to.... I practically pushed her in Andy's arms.

More tears escaped my eyes, knowing that I just lost her forever...

"Forgive me, Nikki!" I whispered and more sobs shook my body.

I heard footsteps and I lifted my head to see Jinxx walking towards me. I couldn't move. All I could do was tighten my arms around Nikki. He leaned over us and picked her up bridal style. She didn't move and I knew that she fell asleep.

"It will be ok, Ashley. It's obviously that she doesn't love Andy." He said as I stood up.

"Maybe. But she will never forgive me. I don't know if I can forgive myself." I answered wiping my tears.

"You don't know that, man. She is a stubborn, reckless bitch but she is obviously in love with you." Jinxx continued as we walked back in the theater.

I smiled a little at Jinxx accurate description of Nikki as he carried her back in the backstage.

"What the fuck happened?" Andy yelled and rushed to Jinxx, who placed Nikki on a couch.

"She got drunk and fell asleep on the roof." I said not wanting to talk about her suicide attempt.

He glared at me as Jake and CC walked in, their faces relaxing when they saw Nikki. Kaylie was crying and Ryan and Troy were trying to comfort her.

"Why is she wearing your jacket?" Andy asked pissed as he wiped away Nikki's smudged makeup.

"Because she was only in her fucking bra, dickhead." I snapped and Jinxx placed a hand on my arm when I wanted to move towards Andy.

He stood up and came in front of me. We were staring at each other and it took me every ounce of strength I had not to kill him in that second.

"Guys!" Jake warned.

We didn't even flinch. Cc came behind Andy, ready to interfere if it was needed. Jinxx was already holding my arm and Jake moved in between us.

"Why the fuck are you so pissed?! You're the one who messed up!" Andy yelled and CC tensed.

"This none of your fucking business, Biersack! This is between me and her." I spat and Jinxx's grip on my arm tightened.

"We don't have time for your stupid fights!" Kaylie yelled at us both we ignored her.

"There is nothing between you an her anymore!! She is with me now!" Andy shouted and a huge grin appeared on his face.

"Guys!" Ryan yelled.

In that moment I saw red before my eyes. I lunged for him, just as Troy ran towards me. I shoved Jake aside and my fist collided forcefully with Andy's jaw. He growled and he tackled me to the ground. His punched my left jaw and as I violently hit his ribs.

I heard Kaylie's scream as Troy held her from jumping in the middle of the fight.

Cc and Ryan managed to get him off of me as he tried to get out of their grip. I stood up quickly and I lunged for him once again, tasting the blood in my mouth. Jinxx caught my arm again and Jake punched my other jaw but not before I hit Andy once again in his stomach.

He coughed as I held my jaws, glaring at everyone. Kaylie was crying while Troy was stroking her shoulders.

"What the fuck is wrong with you two?" CC screamed.

"Ask this son of a bitch who can't resist a month without screwing some blonde." Andy spat.

"Shut the fuck up or I swear on Nikki's soul that I will make you swallow your tongue." I threatened as Jinxx groaned.

"How the hell dare you swear on her-"

"ENOUGH!!!" Jinxx yelled, startling all of us. Jinxx never yells.

"You think that acting like some stupid teenagers will change something?! You think that if you kill each other Nikki will be happy??!"

"You," he said shoving his finger in my face" are the dumbest fucker I've ever met. You know how hard you won her heart. You know how hard was for her to let herself feel something for someone again. And still, you had to act all jealous and possessive. She helped a bunch of kids by making those pictures and you had to make a big deal out of it. You fucked Kina, for God's sake!!! The lying bitch who cheated on you!! And don't give me the 'I needed to let my anger out' shit because I don't buy it. Go punch a wall the next time you're pissed." He spat as he turned his attention to Andy.

I felt ashamed of myself. He was right, I really am the dumbest person ever.

"And you, you're close behind Ashley at the rate of stupidity!! What the fuck were you thinking when you got in a relationship with her?! You know too fucking well that she loves this fucker. She was pissed and angry but that didn't mean you had to push her. Look at her!!! She could've been in a fucking coma right now!!! All because of you messing with her head! She is been through a lot of things and you know it, idiot! All you waited for was that she and Ashley would fight so that you can make your move on her. And that's so fucking lame! Even for you!" He yelled and sighed exasperated.

"Look at how she is because of you two! And what are you two doing!!!??? You beat each other up instead of helping her make her decision! You really like to see her like this?" He asked angrily and both, Andy and I shook our heads.

"I didn't think so! You are best friends for fuck's sake! I don't give a shit if you two love the same woman!!! This is Nikki we're talking about. She let us stay in her fucking house! She was the first fan who actually didn't worship us and treated us like persons!!! She doesn't even care about herself. She was scared that she will tear our band apart after you had that incident with her in the basement!" He spat looking at Andy.

"Sort things out before it gets worse!! Because if I see her like this one more time, I'll kill both of you! Even if Nikki will kill me afterwards!" He said and stormed out off the room.

Everybody was shocked. Kaylie had her mouth open as she was still clutching Troy's shirt. Ryan was looking from Nikki's limp body to us. Cc and Jake nodded, agreeing with Jinxx as they crossed their arms, looking at us as well.

I looked at Andy. His jaw was already bruised and he was holding his ribs. I wondered how bad I looked. I felt sorry. Jinxx was right! I was an idiot! I lost Nikki and now, I might possibly loose Andy too. I lifted my gaze as he approached me and held his hand to me.

"He's right." He whispered.

"I know." I said and I shook his hand. "But I love her, Andy! I can't just let her go."

"Maybe we should give her some time. Some space." He suggested and I nodded.

"Ok. But when she will finally choose... No resentments, ok?" I warned and he agreed.

I heard a soft movement and my eyes turned to Nikki. She frowned with her eyes still closed as she lifted her right palm and grabbed her forehead. She stood up and my jacket fell off of her shoulders. Her wet hair was glued all over her arms and back, making her look like a mess. The most beautiful mess I've ever seen. The mess I fell in love with. She moved some strands of hair out of her face and her bright, green eyes met mine. She looked shocked and worried as she stood up quickly, taking a step towards me. I felt hope because the room was filled with people but still, she looked at me first. And she walked towards me. Then, her gaze moved to Andy and her eyes widened as she placed a hand over her mouth.

"What the fuck happened with you two?!"

Notes

I had to do it!!! I think I might update tonight again!!!

love you my little bears!!! <3

Comments

Okay I can't hold back anymore! I just finished chapter 33 and I have to say that me and my best friend (she is 6 years older than me but fuck) also everytime we see each other or text or call we both go "HEY BITCH" or "I LOVE YOU BITCH" or "BYE BITCH" it's fucking hilarious lol this is awesome and btw I can't help but say that there should be just a little something between Nikki and Jake like even if it's just a kiss.

more please!!!!

kaz_bvbarmy kaz_bvbarmy
6/5/17

Mooooooore! Pretty pretty please!

Lucifer Lucifer
5/19/17

I loved it! So much! Brilliant. If you ever have time to finish the last two chapters i'd love to read them. xx

bvb-army bvb-army
5/17/17

Awesome chapter, I personally love some of the things you had her say, my favorite being AND YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S COOKIES!!!"
Haha great chapter can't wait for your update^.*