My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's POV:

"Where the hell are they?!" I shouted as I was walking back and forth through the living room.

"They said they will be here in 5 minutes." Kaylie answered as she took a large gulp of whiskey.

"Hey! Gimme that." I said snatching the bottle from her and taking a big gulp as well.

"Girls! Just relax, for God's sake!" Jinxx said laughing.

"Don't give me this shit, Jinxx. I can't even stand on my feet without shaking." Kaylie snapped.

Ashley came from behind me, took the bottle from my hands and placed it on the table. He gently turned me so I could face him and cupped my cheeks with his hands. He kissed me softly and my nerves loosened up a bit.

"Don't be nervous. You'll do great." he said smiling.

"What if I don't?"

"You will. I know it." he assured and pulled me for a hug.

Oh, how I loved this. After we finished packing last night I was in this state. I couldn't even sit. I was nervous and I couldn't sleep all night. The fact that tonight we will be on stage in front of hundreds of people scared the shit out of me. Ashley followed me everywhere, like a puppy, comforting me and telling me that everything will be fine. I started to believe him but then I remembered again and I was back at worrying. I inhaled deeply his scent, loving the way that it calmed me. I liked being in his arms. It felt so... right....

"I love you." he whispered in my ear and I blushed.

"I love you too." I answered and I pecked his lips.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and both, Kaylie and I rushed to the door.

"Don't yell, don't scream and don't shout!" Ryan warned. "We've been caught in the traffic" he said as he and Troy carried their luggage in the house.

I huffed and I turned to leave but he caught my arm just before I was about to enter back in the living room. I looked at him questioningly and he lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder. I shrieked as I saw Kaylie being lifted by Troy. They carried us until we reached the couch and threw us on it. Ashley and Jinxx were looking curiously at us just as Jake, CC and Andy walked in.

"Now, both of you, look at me." Ryan said.

We did as we were told and Ryan nodded to Troy.

"We're nervous as fuck. But I think you two are worst." Troy began. "So, Ryan and I thought about a deal."

"A deal?" Cc asked crossing his arms.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kaylie asked pissed."We don't have time for-"

"Just shut up, Dawson!" Ryan spat."We're going nowhere if we are like this. We have to calm each other."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked thinking the worse."I still have, but I'm not taking any-"

"I wasn't talking about cocaine, Nikki!" Ryan yelled at me as everybody's eyes widened."And what the fuck did you just say?"

I swallowed hard. I just addmited that I still had cocaine. Think, Nikki, think.

"Connections. I still have connections." I said quickly.

Ryan gave me the evil glare and I knew he didn't buy it. Kaylie stood up and crossed her arms, ready to defend me if it was needed. Damn... She knew me too well...

"Wait, you took cocaine?" Andy asked.

"Almost two years. What were you saying?" I said ignoring him.

Ashley's eyes were still widened and I shrugged. I didn't like the way he looked at me.

"I'm so happy that we're leaving." Troy sighed and glared at me.

"You were saying?!!" I said pissed to Ryan.

"We have to stay calm. No alcohol, no weed and no fucking cocaine. You got that, Morgan?"

I bit my lip so hard that I felt it crack again. Ok, no weed, no cocaine. But no alcohol??! He wants me to flip or what?!!

"Deal!" Kaylie said before I could answer.

Troy and Ryan smiled at her and the looked at me.

"Fine!" I said angry and I stood up.

Ryan almost crushed me in a bear hug and soon, Kaylie and Troy joined. I smiled. This is it! Our band it's finally known. And holy shit!! We're gonna be on stage tonight. My anxiety came back in an instant as I pulled back.

"Why didn't you tell us you took cocaine?" Jinxx asked hurt.

"Well, it's not something I'm proud of." I said shrugging.

CC and Jake walked to me and crushed me once again in a hug.

"Never do it again, ok? I don't wanna lose my baby sis." Cc said and ruffled my hair.

"Me neither." Jake joined kissing my forehead.

"OK OK.... Jesus, I took cocaine! What's the big deal?" I said pissed and stormed off to my room.

I felt every body's eyes on me and Kaylie yelled my name. I ignored her and I shut my door, locking it. Great! Now that Ryan mentioned it, I felt the urge to take again. I tried to calm myself, walking back in forth as Ashley was knocking at my door.

"Nikki, are you Ok?" he asked worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just forgot to pack something." I said opening my drawer.

"Let me in."

"I'll be out in a sec." I said as I pulled out the small bag.

I heard Ashley's sigh and I knew he didn't leave. I quickly made a thin line and took a straw. I took a deep breath and let it out. I was nervous and I needed to be calm. I looked at the line and I estimated that the effect would fade tonight. With a little luck, my hands wonn't shake and my voice wouldn't crack.

I inhaled deeply, grimacing at the pain in my nose. I threw the straw in the bin and put the remaining content of the small bag in the pocket of my jacket. A gentle dizziness came over me and I controled myself. I looked in the drawer at the five blades. I won't need them! I'm over that!

"Nikki, the bus will be here in five minutes" Ashley said.

"I'm almost done!" I yelled back.

I walked to the bathroom and checked myself in the mirror. Last time I had a nose bleed but now my nostrils were clean. I fixed my hair and my make-up once again and I walked back in my room. Just before I opened the door I stopped. I turned on my heel and took two blades and placed them in my phone case. You never know.... I took some bracelets and slid them on my left wrist.

I opened the door and Ashley was staring at me..

"You ok?" he asked worried.

"I'm fine. I forgot some bracelets." I said waving them.

He hugged me and I became horny in an instant. Stupid cocaine!!

"I'm sorry I stared at you. I didn't know-"

"It's ok." I said and I crashed my lips on his, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He was surprised at first, but responded quickly. He lifted my legs and cupped my ass making me moan. God, I love this man! I roughly kissed him and became frustrated that he had a shirt on. He pushed me up against the wall and ran his hands under my shirt, his touch sending electricity through me. I rubbed myself against him and a moan escaped his lips. I smirked as I started kissing his neck.

"The bus is here!!!" Andy shouted.

Notes